Friends... Really JUST friends?

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Friends… Really JUST friends?

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September 11, 2005 at 10:54 pm

#675301
1

Stealth B52

@stealth-b52

Member
It’s a bit of a smokey night for me, so please do for give me but i was just thinking… for years… i’ve been told by people around me that males an females can never be JUST friends?

Apparently there’s always some sort of feelings going on?

I’m undecided? for years i’ve maintained that they can be really good and close friends but the males i know… either really really honest and admit that it’s mainly the sexual attraction thing or they’ve got one tracked minds?

Recently i’ve become very disheartened as all my male friends have tried it on… and even retards at work… Do people not know how to be just friends any more? or did they ever know… is it one complete game that i should be playing?

What do you reckon? i’m lost?
September 12, 2005 at 1:23 am

#718853
1

Mashvie

@mashvie

Member
you know people who say you “cant just be friends” are usually those who are too damn embarassed around the opposite sex, or those who like to use the opposite gender be it sex, money (ie have hidden motives)
ive always had male friends, actually i find it a lot easier to get along with boys. none of them have become my “boyfriend” and we havent had some other “attraction” b/w us…. we are all just friends.
Its up to you to decide i guess. its stupid to say that you cant just be friends, what about those people who prefer the same sex relationships? they are still friends with both males and females, and there would be no attraction there

i say screw what other people say and just do what you want to do. If you are friends with a person of the opposite sex, its not about physical attraction, or “liking” someone in that way. There has to be a liking there, otherwise why would you talk to the person in the first place? :crazy_fre
September 12, 2005 at 7:06 pm

#718843
1

BioTech

@biotech

Member
I’ve got a few female friends who I’d call ‘just friends’ but i’d be lying (and most males would I think) if I said that the thought has never run through my head. I think it’s just natural to run thoughts like that through your head, but it doesn’t mean that it would be an ever present thought in my mind at all.
September 13, 2005 at 1:37 pm

#718855
1

Stealth B52

@stealth-b52

Member
Don’t get me wrong… i was always brought up and looked after my males and i’ve always thought they makke better friends untill recently (well the last year)… they still look out for me now and in their advice about males to me was to be aware that all only have one thing on there mind… from chats and events that have lead on from years ago… it just seems like they wern’t messing… Any male i’ve just hung out with or chilled with has always over stepped the mark, and believe if i think something… i’m saying it!

To me everythings a contract… an agreement made between people… constant negotiations but a form of contract… i also think in accepting someone in your life and as a “friend” you accept any and everything about them and take on their problems as your own… loyalty, committment and support… there’s rules… Straight talking and honesty…

Stetting things straight , i do from the start… but it is so not a thing or part of a contract i’m willing to re-negotiate… and i get told that i lead them on, what’s that about when we’re just friends… not even a bootie call you know!

Same sex couples… well there’s a sexual attraction there… but the friends? i don’t know… i’ll need to re-think that and have a few more chats with firiends to see what they think before i’ll make my mind up on that… I don’t know… I have a few gay friends but it’s not really my scene!
If you know that a friend is in love with you how can there be a proper friendship?… it’ll always be unbalanced… is it not better to completely cut contract… almost seems more humain?

I do as i like and always have… i chat to absolutly anyone and everyone, always late cause i ran in to someone and spent to long chatting on the street… but with the thought of hurting or knowing at any point i choose, i’m going to end up hurting someone i think a lot of just seems really [email=”S#@T”]S#@T[/email]!!!
And him constantly reminding me is even worse.
I so think if i felt that way about a friend then i would so keep it to myself…
Any way not a major problem… life is always up and daown… joy and sorrow…. but we always survive xxx

Thanks for replying sugar xx
September 13, 2005 at 2:56 pm

#718854
1

monkey monkey

@monkey-monkey

Member
Stealth B52 wrote:

I so think if i felt that way about a friend then i would so keep it to myself…

I think this is the thing. I have close friends of both sexes, and I cannot deny that I am attracted to them. The thing is though, I fully value my friendships with them, probably more so than I’ve ever valued partners – this is probably a fault in me, though, helping to explain to me why I’m single(!)

If I were to be fully attracted to a friend, though, I’m not sure what I would do. I’ve always believed honesty to be the key to a good relationship, friendship or otherwise, but what should I do?

Should I tell her how I feel? That would undoubtedly make her feel a little dissapointed, I would probably be a little dissapointed in myself too. If I kept it to myself, though, it may not be lying, but it certainly isn’t the truth.

Feelings & emotions, though, are natural enough things. I think that it may be stranger for people who weren’t at least a little attracted to their friends. If you didn’t love them, why would they be your friends in the first place?

Basically, to sum it up, I have no idea what should be done.

Hope this helps…

peace
September 13, 2005 at 3:45 pm

#718849
1

globalloon

@globalloon

Member
i slept with pretty much all my female friends until i got serious about one person

it didn’t mean we weren’t friends afterwards

i have lots of female friends now, although i would never sleep with them

hope that helps
September 13, 2005 at 4:48 pm

#718856
1

Stealth B52

@stealth-b52

Member
Suppose it depends on how much you value your freiendship to your heart… what comes first… what makes you happy or what makes her happy…?
Is she on the look out for someone?… or does she just want to left alone?

I hate it when male friends decided to write love letters or decide they want more than a friendship… just seems like all the time spent together was false or unbalance… we’re at the same place but on different plantets…
One min you can be as open and honest with someone then the next you don’t want to tell them things just incase it bugs them or something… it’s a different ball game.. i haven’t been able to maintain the friendship how it was before, it alters something…. but that’s coming from someone that wants to be alone…

If i wanted to have domestics with someone then i’ll call my family!!!

Friends should be just friends in my opionion but if you feel the need to say anything then just be perpared just incase the worst happens… anything positive then thats a major BONUS…
FRIENDSHIPS last for ever, most relationships don’t… Think carefully only you can tell if your in love or if your love her… don’t confuse the two sugar xx
September 13, 2005 at 4:50 pm

#718857
1

Stealth B52

@stealth-b52

Member
And sleeping with all your friends… well then they might of well been bootie calls… are they still close female friends?… or what you were up to would probaly to refered to as Playing…
September 13, 2005 at 6:12 pm

#718850
1

globalloon

@globalloon

Member
Stealth B52 wrote:

And sleeping with all your friends… well then they might of well been bootie calls… are they still close female friends?… or what you were up to would probaly to refered to as Playing…

it’s not playing (in my case)… it’s about two consenting adults with their eyes open who don’t want the committment of a relationship but like sex
September 13, 2005 at 6:57 pm

#718858
1

Stealth B52

@stealth-b52

Member
Yeah… i get it… a Bootie Call…sex, no commitment etc… yeah i think they work well but not with real friends?
September 13, 2005 at 7:23 pm

#718851
1

globalloon

@globalloon

Member
Stealth B52 wrote:

Yeah… i get it… a Bootie Call…sex, no commitment etc… yeah i think they work well but not with real friends?

depends on who you’re friends with i suppose?

besides, i wouldn’t want to have sex with someone i didn’t know and like :sick:
September 13, 2005 at 7:33 pm

#718859
1

Stealth B52

@stealth-b52

Member
Well a bootie call you get the sexual commitment but not the rest of the relationship stuff… i wouldn’t waste my time for one night!
September 13, 2005 at 7:40 pm

#718844
1

BioTech

@biotech

Member
Bootie call??

*Bio-Tech feels a little naive*

Is that like a f**k buddy or something different?
September 13, 2005 at 7:57 pm

#718837
6

General Lighting

@general-lighting

Moderator
Staff
BioTech wrote:

Bootie call??

*Bio-Tech feels a little naive*

Is that like a f**k buddy or something different?

I think thats a local term for it. Quite why people in Sussex are trying to sound like American gangsta rappers beats me though..

people have different moral standards or values though… many young people are returning to traditional values though – a few of my friends who were complete hedonists are getting married/settling down etc..

But like biotech said blokes will at least think about what it would be like to sleep with their female friends as its been programmed into our minds to think of sex fairly frequently – however if they are decent chaps they don’t keep thinking about this

it can also be easy to misinterpret signals particularly when drugs or alcohol (which break down emotional barriers) are involved but if it was clear two people were just friends and a lady wanted to be alone you wouldn’t keep trying it on, write them love letters nor have domestic arguments etc…. that IMO is rather predatory

but there are a lot of people like that about sadly and those who look upon every girl as a potential conquest or trophy…
September 13, 2005 at 8:08 pm

#718860
1

Stealth B52

@stealth-b52

Member
I just think bootie call is a nice sounding way of putting it instead of the Fuck buddy… to most it’s less offensive words… most will class fuck as a “rude?” word and it’s not so blatent…
If you’ve got kids running around while chatting on the phone… i’d prefer to say Bootie Call than Fuck Buddy! and i know but no matter how hard you try… little ears hear all
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