Party Vibe

don’t mean to be harsh but this worries me a bit – in another post you mention you are having outbursts of rage after sessions of pills – it may not seem like “depression” but it is still not normal behaviour…. not does it seem like “good ass” times to me

I was a bit like you in my early rave days and although I don’t get it much now I did feel really angry on pills; to the point where I was committing various petty crimes and vandalism/setting fires to “get back” at society not accepting my drug use.

Luckily for me back then the high cost of pills (about £10 or $15 per pill) prevented me going too mad on them.. looking back on this I was lucky not to go to jail or end up in the mental health facility.

the biggest danger with the mood swings is you often end up taking things out on the people you love, your good friends or innocent people in society.

and that is one big reason why many other people in normal society (as opposed to authoritarian people or those with political agendas) want drugs to stay illegal…

Also its easy to get addicted to anger and being able to control others as a way of dealing with low self-esteem; you feel a release of energy as you have got back at your “enemy” but you have still only hurt somebody (emotionally if not physically) or destroyed something and just increased the problems in society….

this is pretty much the only reason why I have taken the stuff… I’m still quite shy even when I am completely hammered though but it does release some of the inhibitions.

OTOH I tend to drink more again these days since I passed my 30s although I am lucky that I don’t get aggressive when I am drunk, just happy….

I would be careful just in case a strong batch appears. This happened in the East of England recently; pills called pink kangaroos had way more MDMA in them than other batches…

I would say that depression and personality changes are fairly serious potential side effects and there is a risk if you are doing E every week.

Its often not quite a case of suddenly and permanently going mad and being sectioned, you really have to cane things to get that far and usually most people realise when their use is too much and then scale back from it..

there are a lot of horrror stories from extreme cases of abuse but most people cannot afford to get that caned or would feel too ill from lack of food/sleep to get that far.

The bad effects of E are more subtle; first there is a honeymoon period where everything seems good – but this wears off and you can end up feeling really shit during the week, not wanting to do anything “mundane or boring” like work/college and often getting into arguments with friends and relatives for pointless reasons… which of course has negative effects in your wider life.

Even if you don’t think you are getting mood swings you may be having them but not noticing, particularly if you have always been a bit cynical about stuff and less trusting and have always been headstrong and had conflict in your life for what you believe in (I know because I am like that normally)

Often the negativity is a vicious circle as you become alienated from friends and family; this is also when people can get on to worse drugs when they are feeling vulnerable, or people can snap and commit an actual act of violence or serious crime and go to jail… (I’ve known people who were angry or stressed to start with to get more angry when they are on pills and really kick off..)

Cheers for the 5-HTP advice; luckily I don’t really have very bad comedowns apart from tiredness but I notice quite a few people who do…

in fact a few years ago when radio scanners worked you would often hear certain people you know from the parties being busted around Tuesday/Wednesday for kicking off at their olds and/or their partners/housemates on the midweek blues – proper attacking people and smashing up the house etc, serious enough for families and even ravers to involve the cops…

being in a dual use squat (residential and party venue) on a Monday or Tuesday doing clear up was often a bit like living in a warzone and made the big brother house look like a well-run kindergarten.

As for using E to deal with shyness/lack of confidence etc from personal experience it works in the short term but afterwards you still have comedowns and paranoia to deal with and it can be worse as you feel you have done something stupid in the night.

I tend to go through stages of talking a lot but then also being quite quiet (whether I am high or not), and tend to become quieter and more self-concious if i am tired or on a comedown…

it may seem I’m introverted/aloof but the way I look at it its better than outbursts of anger etc.. (and because of stuff like politics/war/injustice there are a lot of things I am angry about in this world….)

and these days I have enough confidence to feel that people should accept me how I am provided I don’t do anything bad.. to an extent I also feel that being slightly careful about what I do and say stops bad situations yet if I am sound with people I still attract the good people..