Is this sexual addiction? Why can some people not stop sex even if its risky!

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Is this sexual addiction? Why can some people not stop sex even if its risky!

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May 8, 2012 at 10:57 pm

#678868
1

res321

@res321

Member
I am putting my cards on table anonymously. I have had sex with over 170 women (what I can count). Actually I am posting this just after having sex with someone, and yes, I paid for it (sex worker). I lost my virginity at the age of 17, and grew up in conservative family. I cheated on my first girl friend and any subsequent girl friends, no matter how much I love or like them.

My father use to cheat on my mother too but I barely take that in account. I only say this because some people suggest that, “like father like son.” I am fairly successful with career. I would go out and blow 500 dollars a weekend. I wouldn’t go looking for prostitutes, but if one is available I would bed them. I didn’t have much of a hard time picking up a girl. Actually, I would do pretty romantic stuff to bed a chic.

About three years ago, I just couldn’t be bothered with the club and bar scene and just start having sex with escorts (different ones), almost 3 times a week. I would even have a budget for sex. In the process of my sexcapades, I have managed to get Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea and have been treated for it. I would take trips overseas and thoroughly research the sex scene. It’s like I may not even enjoy it but I WANT IT.

You would think that having had STD’s, it will be a wake up call. Nope, I am still engaging in these activities. Otherwise, I would just even watch porn. Its almost like orgasm/women are my drug, in a very bad way. I find it very hard to get emotional with my girl friends, and yes I am dating someone at the moment who is very sincere to me. I know shame on me for being the way I am, but I am genuinely LOOKING for HELP/ideas.

I tried to the religion route, but that isn’t for me. This habit of mine has set me back by at least 30K. I am continuing to spend about 500 dollars a week. I feel quite normal, like I don’t think much of it. But this promiscuity can’t be healthy. The number could easily be in 200 women, I just can’t say.
What can I do? Again, genuine thoughts are welcome.
May 9, 2012 at 10:16 pm

#786580
1

Tank Girl

@tank-girl

Member
@res321 478654 wrote:

It’s like I may not even enjoy it but I WANT IT.

Its almost like orgasm/women are my drug, in a very bad way.

Its not my field but I’m guessing your answering your own question with the above?

What happens if you stop – for say a month? or do you think you are unable to stop and have a period of abstinence? Have you ever had a period of abstinance since you were 17? if not why not? What do you think you are achieving or getting from this type of sexual encounters? What do you think would happen to you if you did have a period of abstinance?

Is it fulfilling something that is missing in other areas of your life?
have you researched sexual compulsions or addiction?

if so does it sound familiar to you?

It may be a learnt behaviour – the old saying – like father like son – is often learnt behaviour, and this may be impacting upon your image of women ? – how are your other relationships with women – or are you only able to engage in sexaul relations with women and not be friends etc etc etc –

these are all the sorts of questions you need to be asking yourself if you want to think deeper about this issue

Is this an unhelpful behaviour for you or are you happy to continue as you are ? – as if it is an addiction – the only person who has choices is you as to whether you want to stop = And we only stop doing things when we want – ie, when it impacts so negativley upon our lives we have to

I’m guessing you are from the US? I’m sure there are SA meetings over there – very few here in the UK, but they do exist, or speak to a qualified psychosexual therapist?

Sexual addiction – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
May 9, 2012 at 10:45 pm

#786577
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
I don’t know much about it, but can’t help but mention I thought this was a post from p0ly when I first read the title. :laugh_at:

(poor guy, I’m picking on him when he’s not here to defend himself lol)
May 9, 2012 at 10:51 pm

#786581
1

Tank Girl

@tank-girl

Member
p0ly or RES? ;P
May 9, 2012 at 11:01 pm

#786578
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
lol
May 9, 2012 at 11:46 pm

#786584
1

res321

@res321

Member
Tank Girl- Interesting questions. Well, here I am two days later and ashamed to say that I slept again with someone. No, I live in the UK. I can totally see this “secret” life being carried on for as long as I want it to. Unless I either go broke or am put in jail for doing something illegal. Fortunately/unfortunately, the escorting scene is legal. Now, I KNOW what I am doing is wrong, but I act out of impulse. I had no intention of bedding a chic, I was quite tired.

I started looking at some ads, before you know I am getting laid. Its like a chore, if you may. And no, I have not tried abstinence, I wonder its the porn that started this. I always watched porn since the age of 16 onwards. I can say it was almost religiously. Does SA stuff works? I saw it on TV and it seems bit cheesey or may be I am too embarrassed to go.

You are right about the negativity part. Now, you would think that after catching STD and almost getting robbed in Brazil by some pimp, I would stop. They usually say that cold turkey is not the best way. I think I am almost orgasming every day or twice day whether through sex or masturbation. I wonder if one is able to seek help online without revealing the real self. I am afraid I will end up running into someone I know in SA classes. It just sounds so embarrassing:(
May 10, 2012 at 8:29 pm

#786582
1

Tank Girl

@tank-girl

Member
SA is just like AA or NA – anonymous, why not try online group if you dont want to ‘go’ to a meeting?
AA and NA have online meetings so I wouldn’t be surprised if they do too

here – a quick google: #SLAA Online Group of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous – Home

And if your reluctant to seek help I’d guess your not quite ready to change…

but thats only my opinion
May 12, 2012 at 4:40 am

#786583
1

Pat McDonald

@pat-mcdonald

Participant
@res321 478805 wrote:

It just sounds so embarrassing:(

My honest opinion – you realise you have a problem in that you “can’t say no”. That is one definition of addiction – something you can’t stop on your own.

I don’t think it’s the sex or consequences that are really bothering you – it’s the fact that you are realising that your awareness, your mind, is pretty much on autopilot and your body HAS TO HAVE.

My advice – try the treatment. Without you choosing your life, your freedom is at stake (because right now, you are not free to choose). It will probably help you in different ways, and it’s pretty much guaranteed to be different to what you expect.

We all fear change – fear of the unknown. Well, take a “walk on the wild side” and see what’s the treatment is like. Then you can choose without prejudice.

It’s either that or join the Scientologists for a Dianetics course. Expensive and possibly a more embarrassing habit to admit.
February 25, 2013 at 9:33 pm

#786579
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
After reading your post, I can tell you that the reason you sleep around so much is because deep down you feel insecure that if you genuinely care for someone they will break your heart. You didn’t say whether a girl ever broke your heart? Also, you most likely inherited your dad’s ways, which is a pity. the best advice I can give you is to be real honest with yourself and find out why you have the need to sleep around so much and why you cannot commit. what are you scared of?

@res321 478654 wrote:

I am putting my cards on table anonymously. I have had sex with over 170 women (what I can count). Actually I am posting this just after having sex with someone, and yes, I paid for it (sex worker). I lost my virginity at the age of 17, and grew up in conservative family. I cheated on my first girl friend and any subsequent girl friends, no matter how much I love or like them.

My father use to cheat on my mother too but I barely take that in account. I only say this because some people suggest that, “like father like son.” I am fairly successful with career. I would go out and blow 500 dollars a weekend. I wouldn’t go looking for prostitutes, but if one is available I would bed them. I didn’t have much of a hard time picking up a girl. Actually, I would do pretty romantic stuff to bed a chic.

About three years ago, I just couldn’t be bothered with the club and bar scene and just start having sex with escorts (different ones), almost 3 times a week. I would even have a budget for sex. In the process of my sexcapades, I have managed to get Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea and have been treated for it. I would take trips overseas and thoroughly research the sex scene. It’s like I may not even enjoy it but I WANT IT.

You would think that having had STD’s, it will be a wake up call. Nope, I am still engaging in these activities. Otherwise, I would just even watch porn. Its almost like orgasm/women are my drug, in a very bad way. I find it very hard to get emotional with my girl friends, and yes I am dating someone at the moment who is very sincere to me. I know shame on me for being the way I am, but I am genuinely LOOKING for HELP/ideas.

I tried to the religion route, but that isn’t for me. This habit of mine has set me back by at least 30K. I am continuing to spend about 500 dollars a week. I feel quite normal, like I don’t think much of it. But this promiscuity can’t be healthy. The number could easily be in 200 women, I just can’t say.
What can I do? Again, genuine thoughts are welcome.
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