hey
i had a quite similar situation to you; gf for 5 years and one common cause of an argument was drugs and that lifestyle although she didnt mind parties or dance music. she also smoked weed, but was very much against using chemical drugs… with her i could feel she was genuinely worried and she didnt see weed as 100% safe. it never made a difference how i would rationalise my drug use to her. i tried to find perspectives to show her but it never changed anything. i also have a few friends that happily smoke weed but wouldn’t consider taking anything else. the weird thing i found was if they ever ate weed cakes this was not too far away from a trip but they’d never take a trip drug. but i guess this is also about level of interest. for some, if they maybe don’t have an accurate perception they’re not too bothered because they are happy how they are and aren’t tempted by exploring.
people often seem to have strong views when it comes to drugs. maybe this is due to all the media, parental and school brainwashing of the severity of taking drugs and have tried to force our opinions. the severity of the law reflects this and obviously drugs have a long history of being outcast in the civilised world (but why? it costs so much £, what do they gain from it?… sorry off topic). i think this often makes a strong divide. you either accept the obvious facts that you’ve been taught; that there is nothing good about drugs and they are harmful. or, you become in direct opposition to this and often quite passionately due to the forceful nature of those that oppose it; you take drugs and have a positive experience and maybe feel people should know about it and be free to make their own choices. but in hopping over such a line, it may be difficult for your bf to accept… even if you can see smoking weed almost everyday is probably worse than taking mdma once on occasion, he may feel equally strong that this is not the case because he has the righteous weight of society behind him, and people in this state of mind may never listen… unless they have a moment of humility… somehow…
going back to my past relationship, this drug topic was one of a few things that showed we had a different way we’d like to live and a different outlook on life. in hindsight, although we had quite a few nice similarities, it was obvious that it would eventually end or we’d both be living on and on with some constant tension.
so i’m one that doesn’t really believe in the phrase ‘opposites attract.’ i think the more similarities you have with someone the better. another difference you 2 seem to have is that you have a bit more of a live and let live attitude, and he is quite comfortable to openly condemn someone he supposedly cares about without too much consideration of how it makes you feel.
but i dont know your bf, all i have is what you say and if you’ve been with him so long from a teenager, he must be doing something right…
in my experience i felt 5 years was an amount of time that i should make more allowances and try to keep it going. the thought of throwing it all away and knowing that would likely mean the closest person to me would likely disappear out of my life was hard to consider… but in retrospect as time passed it was just like a burden getting bigger and bigger until finally i realised it didnt work and we had no future because i was miserable too often. and when we finally split permanently it was hard and it did feel like letting go of part of my soul for a while, and actually it is still sad to think about these things…
but! i got my life back and now im with a girl that i met at a squat party and we are much more compatible and things on the inside are simple and nice and i dont regret the split at all.
so anyhow, this is just my story, it doesn’t mean it is the same in yours at all. when you’re in the teenage to early 20’s and older sometimes; things are changing, you’re mind is adapting and you may go in different life directions until you feel comfortably you and if you have a partner during this time they will need to adapt to these changes also if you are to be happy together. obviously compromise is necessary at times, but stubbornness especially if it is accompanied with an overbearing/contemptuous attitude can be quite damaging, i have found.
hope it works out for you 🙂
that was quite long, lol
