So let me just give you a summary of my life this past year.
Went to Fl for rehab, then met a guy and moved with him. We got married (and are now separated) we started using again and about 8 months ago I became an alcoholic, had detoxed on my own with benzos, and have severe depression, anxiety and panic attacks to this day because of it.
I live on a couch with some people that aren’t great friends, because I have no where else to go.
I got a prescription for ativan and its been helping with my anxiety.
I take it three times a day for about a month now.. and last night I drank.
I’ve read that if you have had alcohol withdrawals in the past and you drink on benzos you will withdrawal again.
I’m scared and lost and confused and tired of thinking I’m going to die at any moment.
I just want to fix myself and I keep messing up.
I just needed to get it out there, and it would be really nice if anyone has any kind words for me.
<3
Hang in there.
I’m the first week into coming out of my drug addiction. It’s definitely good to talk about it and you’ll find that you get plenty of help and support from the members of this forum.
Thank you. If you don’t mind me asking.. what was your DOC?
I just don’t know when I’m gonna wrap my head around the fact that I cant do this shit. Rehab 4 times, arrested, kicked out of my parents home, and then I still manage to become an alcoholic and decide to detox with benzos on my own. AND THEN I MIX THE TWO?!? I mean… I’m waiting for something to kill me so I don’t have to do it myself is basically where I’m at.
DOC was ketamine. Minimum 2 grams per day (sometimes up to as many as 6 or 7 if it was a weekend or party). It does tremendous damage to the stomach, bladder, sinuses, sleep pattern and general cognitive ability as well as costing all of my wages every month (subsidized by dealing). As well as alcohol (which I am still trying to kick) and benzos (of which I have had none for 7 days).
It’s so easy to fall into alcohol when you are coming off of other drugs as it’s an easy to obtain, socially acceptable alternative. I drink every day but try to limit my intake as much as possible.
What were you on?
Yeah I’ve had quite a few friends on ketamine. Congrats on the benzos though. Alcohol is the hardest..
First time in rehab was for coke, all the others were for heroine and pills.
I’m just really having a hard time with all the anxiety and depression the withdrawals have all left me with.
I’ve done “controlled, social drinking” after the detox but now that I’m on this ativan I feel like i really may have fucked up.
You haven’t really fucked up, benzos and alcohol can be dangerous but you didn’t die so that’s good. Try to keep it to one or the other where you can. I was mixing K, xanax and cider only a week ago and that was a pretty regular thing.
Yeah the only thing that worried me was the things I’ve read about it if you’ve had alcohol withdrawals. Man I hate what all my paranoid anxiety and panic does to me. I’m not myself at all. I used to be carefree as shit. sigh
@rayy 551266 wrote:
…the only thing that worried me was the things I’ve read about it if you’ve had alcohol withdrawals.[/quote]
Well, don’t believe everything you read. Your life experience is what you are prepared to make of it – to make it work or just fall apart.
@rayy 551266 wrote:
… Man I hate what all my paranoid anxiety and panic does to me. I’m not myself at all. I used to be carefree as shit. sigh
Yeah, but now you have learned that “carefree”, that is “not caring”, doesn’t get you anywhere or solve any difficulties.
The stuff we all do is what we care about. Hope you can reach out to someone who does want to care. 🙂
@rayy 551266 wrote:
Yeah the only thing that worried me was the things I’ve read about it if you’ve had alcohol withdrawals. Man I hate what all my paranoid anxiety and panic does to me. I’m not myself at all. I used to be carefree as shit. sigh
Don’t worry. I thought my brain had recovered from the abuse but today I am really not myself either. Less confident and somewhat confused. Spaced out almost. I’m sure as time goes by without using that my brain chemistry will return to normal.
At least you’re off the coke and h.
Yeah, definitely takes a long time to recover. Anyway, thanks for caring 🙂 and I wish you luck with your recovery
@rayy 551272 wrote:
Yeah, definitely takes a long time to recover. Anyway, thanks for caring 🙂 and I wish you luck with your recovery
You’re welcome. It costs nothing to care but it means everything.
You hang in there too.
Best of luck to you (both)
It’s going to be hard but you will get there in the end. Keep us updated on how things go. :love:
I think many people overlook genetics as a key in addiction. There are some people who, genetically, are more susceptible to becoming addicted than others. I have many family members who easily became addicted to different things and I think genetics had something to do with it. It’s not the only reason but I think it did push the addiction along.Do you think you might need help with alcohol or drugs, we are pet friendly drug rehab.
i’m not in recovery myself, but all i know is recovery will be a long and rough road. so hang in there.
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