Cuckold?

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February 6, 2014 at 8:47 pm

#680651
1

zander08

@zander08

Member
Ok, so I have been with my GF for over 4 years now and everything has been great for the most part. For the past year we have been living in different cities but still see each other a decent amount (1 or 2 weekends a month) and talk every if not ever other day.

Over the past several months I started getting a weird vibe from her. She has always had a lot of close guy friends which I’ve never been thrilled about but whatever. However, she has started talking about one in particular a lot which is weird cause I don’t care and I don’t want to constantly hear about “how cool” etc ____ is and I make it known that I don’t want to hear about it. But now I’ve been noticing she talks to him a ton text/snapchat etc. –Like more than she does me which is very annoying.

The last time I went to visit her I stayed in to study and hang with her and it was my understanding that that was the plan for the night. Then around 9 she starts texting and then starts changing and says she going to her friends party just for a little bit. Assuming that meant “we” were going I said “well I kinda wanted to just hang with you and really need to study tonight”. She responded yeah I know that’s ok you just stay here and I’ll go for a hour or so, it’s _____’s birthday and I just need to make an appearance.

So she leaves and I stay there and hours pass and she’s not back. After a while I started texting then calling and got no answers. Eventually she sends a vague incoherent text saying she will be back in 30 min (at about 1145-midnight).

At about 1-130 she still wasn’t back and wasn’t answering and I ended up going to bed shortly after. The next morning when I woke up she was making breakfast and her guy friends that she clearly likes was sleeping on the couch. It was totally awkward and he left right after he woke up. When I asked her about it/everything about the night before she claims she got back around two, she drove her friend home but he was locked out of his apartment so she said he could sleep on the couch at her place.

She claims she slept in bed with me but I know that it is a lie because I would’ve have woke up and then she switched her story to that she fell asleep on the chair in the living room while they were watching TV after they got back… Again I would have heard the TV and got up. That day we went to get lunch and two of her girl friends i have never met joined us. Upon being introduced one said to my gf “so this is the cuckold huh and chuckled” not knowing what she said I said What? and she said nothing giggling – it was really weird.

To wrap this up when I left town later that day and got home and I searched Cuckold and I’m still not entirely sure I get what it means but either way it doesn’t sound good. I called her out on it and on all this bull shit with her guy friend and she claims she doesn’t know why her friend said the cuckold thing and it must of been some joke or something (she basically made no sense) and that she never has done anythign with her guy friend and never will and she only wants to date me etc etc but she also was contradicting saying she wants to see where her friendship with that guy goes etc … so IDK I’m like what F$%* does that mean. * Also, I recently have noticed she hardly ever wants to have sex when we are together—-

Is she sleeping with this guy? am I a cuckold? is she trying to make me a cuckold?

WTF is a cuckold? What should I do? Should I do anything?
February 6, 2014 at 8:59 pm

#812438
6

Angel

@angel

Moderator
Staff
I can google it and read what it can mean, but none of us really know what they meant.

You should talk to her, I mean it would be fair if she was honest with you, but I guess that’s not always how it is.

Ask yourself ………………. Do I love her?

If you don’t then just go on with your life
February 6, 2014 at 9:34 pm

#812425
1

zander08

@zander08

Member
I do love her, very much! I have always thought she is the one. However I get the feeling she is going to hook up with this guy (“continue hooking up”) no matter what I say or do about it. Should I tell her that if that’s what she must do then she she can but be honest with me.. that way trust can at least be restored? If so, can that work in a relationship – Her getting it out of her system etc. and us eventually be restored or is our relationship doomed in that scenario?
February 6, 2014 at 9:39 pm

#812439
6

Angel

@angel

Moderator
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you going to get yourself really hurt with that, you will never trust her.

It’s easy for me sitting here behind my laptop saying what I think you should do, but nobody can make that decision for you.

:group_hug
February 6, 2014 at 11:39 pm

#812412
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
Her friend called you a cuckold and your girlfriend laughed at this.
She could either be being sarcastic, because of how absurd it is you dont trust her. Or, she is laughing because it is true.

A cuckold is a submissive male who lets his wife cheat on him. Some guys choose to be in this situation and some guys dont.

How long have you been suspicious that she is cheating?
Does she have a history of cheating?
Have you pulled her over about this abnormal behaviour?
February 7, 2014 at 2:59 am

#812426
1

zander08

@zander08

Member
Yes they both chuckled but I didn’t know what it meant & they changed the subject when I asked

– I started to get a little suspicious about 5/6 months ago but over the last 2ish months have become much more suspicious
– That I know of … just once, when she was on Spring break without me 3 years ago
– Yes but she blows it off and says there’s nothing going on
February 7, 2014 at 3:25 am

#812424
1

lizbeth

@lizbeth

Participant
I think she’s making a fool out of you my friend, either she’s not a very good liar or she thinks she’s pulled the wool over your eyes.

ps: I voted break-up or stay (and accept it).
February 7, 2014 at 10:23 am

#812413
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
If shes cheating before and shes acting suspicious now, its a very very likely chance she is at it agsin. All tge evidence points that way.

Monogomy isnt for everyone and some people can never stick to having sex with one person. We also live in a society in which having multiple sexual partners is really frowned uppon, especially for women.

Having said that relationships are about trust and respect. Instead of talking to you and coming forward with the idea of an open relationship, she had sex with someone else in stealth – whats worse is she is laughing about it.

So to summerize, no I definitely dont think a relationship with this woman will work I think shes out of order. And im really sorry that after a long four years it has come to this 🙁
February 7, 2014 at 10:26 am

#812414
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
Like I said a cuckold is a man who lets his wife sleep with other men. Either because hes submissive and wont stick up for himself from fear of losing her, or because it turns him on sexually.

So now you know what a cuckold is do you want to be one?
February 7, 2014 at 12:56 pm

#812416
6

General Lighting

@general-lighting

Moderator
Staff
TBH I am more surprised that modern young people in the USA(?) would use this ancient word from the middle ages than that they would cheat in relationships, but unless its an accepted open relationship (which does happen with some human communities and cultures and has done since ancient times ) it is not the framework of a good and lasting relationship any more than it was centuries ago. it comes from the Cuckoo which lays its eggs in other birds nests, although small birds even within the same species are notorious for tipping eggs out of rivals nests. (I meowed at my own roof one summer because of this, in the hope it would make them concentrate on the communal alarm calls that these birds do make on hearing potential predators)

However what is often the case is even a long term relationship from mid to late teenage years rarely survives a move across cities or the end of high school and start of college/University, and constant desire/availability of instant gratification plus decline in religion and community have understandably made younger people (from the teens to my age group) have confusion over morals.

One big reason I stay single is because so many girls/women in my region who are not so young the NCA feds would kick my door down or so old they could be my mum already have children by other relationships and not only would I feel obliged to look after a stepchild simply because it is there (similar to how I nearly ended up with a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel) I’d almost certainly end up producing a child of my own simply so I didn’t feel cuckolded, which wouldn’t be right at all. Those are also old fashioned non PC masculine values, but I am from the generation where we were still brought up with these.
February 12, 2014 at 4:17 pm

#812420
1

EPICLULZ

@epiclulz

Participant
Kill her
February 12, 2014 at 6:42 pm

#812421
1

Dr Bunsen

@dr-bunsen

Member
Don’t be silly
February 12, 2014 at 10:08 pm

#812417
1

Garoldeep Singh

@garoldeep-singh

Member
calm down homeslice, bloody hell, this ain’t like she sold state secrets to the north koreans (the best korea, i might add)
February 13, 2014 at 6:06 pm

#812422
1

Dr Bunsen

@dr-bunsen

Member
How’s it going zander?
February 21, 2014 at 7:14 am

#812427
1

zander08

@zander08

Member
We talked things out and I found she has had sex with her friend twice but she insist she did not the night I was here – just made out and fell asleep – she says she really wants to stay with me but she needs to be free and have fun esp since we live in different cities. She didn’t really end the convo definitively.

I went to see her Vday weekend, we went out to dinner etc. & ended up going out later that night to the bars with her friends. Her friend that she likes was there but & they danced a little bit but didn’t spend a ton of time together. We got back to her house & after a few minutes she said some friends were coming over to hang out for a little bit…

About ten minutes her friend that she likes showed up alone .. which was kinda weird but I didn’t what to do/what was going on. The 3 of us sat on the couch and watched TV for about ten minutes & I started to get the impression no one else was coming over… they started getting closer and subtly touching it was really weird & I had all kinds of anxiety. I got up to get a drink (the kitchen is connected to the living room).

In about 10-20 seconds I poured a glass of water, turned around and they were making out. This went on for a little while until they escalated things and wound up fucking right there. The next day we didn’t talk about it a lot – she says she thought I understood she was still going to/open to hooking up with him but she still loves me etc etc.

So idk, i’ve been having mixed feelings about what happened but it’s obviously clear what she thinks/wants as far not being exclusive (in bed).

So idk i guess I need to make a definitive decision and/or talk to her again make everything clear from hers & my perspective.
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