I thank you all for your input. I feel I should provide better information though because as I go back and read what I wrote it seems to come across as though Im trying to force, or have forced, my wife into this and that is not the case. We talk about everything and make decisions together.
A lot of our fighting is not even about her sleeping with him but just the fact that we are in the financial situation we are and our backs are against the wall if I loose my job and all the uncertainty and lack of control we have now.
Basically, we have not saved like we should have and are used to our lifestyle. We have traveled a great deal in the last 10 years with many many cruises and several trips to Europe. We eat out most nights of the week. We purchased a very pricey house in 2009 that stretches our budget and she has not worked in over 10 years and spends a small fortune shopping, on spa visits,personal trainer, hair, nails, etc.
That is all our fault that we have not put away something to fall back on. Our real worry here is the uncertainty of even after she has slept with him, and even if she continues to, I could still loose my job and be fired and we would loose everything.
For the time being though it seems to be working and I am still employed and still getting a salary. Showing the text to his wife might very well get him in trouble but for certain it would get me fired. So for the time being her and I have agreed for her to see him and I simply asked her to do whatever it took to make him happy.
I’m worried too that his interest in her seems to be increasing greatly. She has started on birth control again for the first time in years since she still has a cycle and I had a vasectomy after our 3rd child.
The first two times he came to see her he stayed with her more or less two hours. She and I did not talk about the details but she said she made him happy. This past time he text he said he needed to see her ASAP which we did not like the spur of the moment thing, and he ended up staying a little over 3 hours with her and again she just said thats what it took to make him very happy.
We have a pool house that has a bedroom, kitchen and bath behind our house that has side street access where she meets him so that is where they go. I think if we could do this for two years and I was able to keep my job we could save up some money… possibly sell our house… and have much more options.
One time a week would be the absolute maximum he could see her though and the spur of the moment thing would have to stop..it would have to be a set time. As far as the anal sex I do not know how set he is on that or even if she will do it. We just seem to have so few options here but are starting to save everything we can now and be prepared.
I appreciate the input. I’m not sure if there is a right answer here… we are just trying to do the best we can with a bad situation.
