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  • So as you all know by now I have ongoing mental health and drug addiction issues.

    I’ve been battling this for years and have gone in and out of phases of seeking professional help.

    I’ve hit crisis point lately, thinking about and planning my suicide quite a lot. In the past for some reason, maybe because it so common for me, my suicidal desires have never alarmed the professionals. Until now…

    On Saturday I would have made an actual attempt at killing myself had my girlfriend not physically prevented me from doing so, but later that day I found myself in the primary care team’s clinic, being risk assessed. I was able to tell them, without emotion as I’d already done my grieving for myself, exactly which piece of railway I was going to kill myself on, the train number and time of the day I had observed that it passed this particular piece of railway. I told them (with my girlfriend present) that I was waiting for her to move out then no-one would be able to prevent me. The level of detail and specifics certainly grabbed their attention.

    I told them I am heavily addicted to weed, and have been for a number of years and that I frequently use benzodiazepines to combat my anxiety and insomnia, but this had never crossed into addiction, as I am able to abruptly stop use after a binge without any withdrawal symptoms. I confessed that I have at some point tried most drugs out there either for fun or as an escape. But I stated that the weed is the biggest part of my addiction by a long shot and that is what I don’t have the willpower to resist, especially while I have numerous outside factors stressing me out currently.

    Now it goes without question, even to me, the addict, that daily smoking of high strength cannabis was seriously hindering my ability to recover.

    Now for the reason of the thread title; I was informed I may not be addicted enough to warrant any rehab! WTF! Additionally they told me they would rather me continue smoking weed for now and cut out the benzodiazepines completely. I was gobsmacked; I reiterated that the benzos were used as legitimately as if the doctor had prescribed them and the weed is what I was using on pretty much an involuntary basis.

    They repeated that I should continue with the weed and not the benzos. Does that make sense to anyone else, I still can’t get my head round it.

    Anyway I’m being reassessed by a psychiatrist on Friday to review my medication (currently Mirtazapine) and to then draw up a care plan to aid in my recovery.

    Hey Psy, I’m so sorry you are having issues bud. Please don’t take your own life. I know it seems that there are no other options but there is, there always are. You can get better bro. keep heeding the advice of the experts. even though it doesn’t sound like they know what they are talking about, they do. Let them help you. I’m glad your GF was with you. I don’t know you but some of the comments you make on the threads are intriguing, you seem legit. Hang in ther. keep going. don’t let this life beat you. I’m a recovering addict too so I know what that feels like. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

    @Wonder2012 571228 wrote:

    Hey Psy, I’m so sorry you are having issues bud. Please don’t take your own life. I know it seems that there are no other options but there is, there always are. You can get better bro. keep heeding the advice of the experts. even though it doesn’t sound like they know what they are talking about, they do. Let them help you. I’m glad your GF was with you. I don’t know you but some of the comments you make on the threads are intriguing, you seem legit. Hang in ther. keep going. don’t let this life beat you. I’m a recovering addict too so I know what that feels like. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

    I’ve not been feeling too bad since the weekend, think I got a lot of it out my system with all the crying and self abuse and talking it out with those that would listen. Thanks for your concern though. I’m hanging in for now.

    Good, I’m glad you are feeling a little better. surprised we haven’t heard from Tryp yet. 🙂

    @Wonder2012 571261 wrote:

    Good, I’m glad you are feeling a little better. surprised we haven’t heard from Tryp yet. 🙂

    Oh all right then. JUMP YOU BASTARD.
    Seriously though, the system is so fucked up no-one knows who’s head is in who’s arse. You can’t take this prescription drug cos thats bad, but you should use this illegal drug because it’s good, cos then you’re the polices problem.

    @Tryptameanie 571264 wrote:

    Oh all right then. JUMP YOU BASTARD.
    Seriously though, the system is so fucked up no-one knows who’s head is in who’s arse. You can’t take this prescription drug cos thats bad, but you should use this illegal drug because it’s good, cos then you’re the polices problem.

    The irony of that though is that the police aren’t actually interested in me either. I’ve had several run ins with the police over the years due to my mental health; and they are also aware of the extent of my drug use, only had one arrest though for possession of cannabis. The last time they picked me up in the street after I’d tried to start a fight with a stranger; they could see I needed to be in a hospital not a cell, so that’s where they took me. And because I was fully cooperative it was classed as escorting me and I was not arrested in spite of my violent outburst; fortunately though I’d not really tried to harm anyone but myself, and they understood this. They have more empathy than most of the medical professionals I’ve seen that pretty much say I’m not quite mad enough to have diminished responsibility.

    The police in the UK really can be pretty decent.
    One time I was i a bad way and was at my parents and the police were there waiting for an amb ulance to show up. I was sort of in and out of reality and I sudden;y noticed them there and just said “I gthink I have some drugs on me” and one of the coppers just said, “look mate, we’re not worried about that now”.
    It’s times like that when I look at footage of police from around the world and think we don’t have it so bad.

    Please don’t commit suicide, the world would suck without the Psyman. Plus you’ve been a massive positive influence on my life. Make sure you message me man.

    @Deez 571288 wrote:

    Please don’t commit suicide, the world would suck without the Psyman. Plus you’ve been a massive positive influence on my life. Make sure you message me man.

    Thanks dude, I seem to have a positive effect on most, apart from myself lol

    @The Psyentist 571291 wrote:

    Thanks dude, I seem to have a positive effect on most, apart from myself lol

    Don’t big yourself up too much, you won’t get your head through the door.

    one post away from 3000 psy

    @The Psyentist 571234 wrote:

    I’ve not been feeling too bad since the weekend, think I got a lot of it out my system with all the crying and self abuse and talking it out with those that would listen. Thanks for your concern though. I’m hanging in for now.

    It is great to hear you are feeling better. Just remember that there is always hope, it may feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but this to shall pass. I am always available to talk to if you want buddy.

    @The Psyentist 571279 wrote:

    And because I was fully cooperative it was classed as escorting me and I was not arrested in spite of my violent outburst; fortunately though I’d not really tried to harm anyone but myself, and they understood this. They have more empathy than most of the medical professionals I’ve seen that pretty much say I’m not quite mad enough to have diminished responsibility.

    They have got better but that may be because GMP/Lancs have had to regain their reputation since the miners strike 30 years ago whereas the other public sector organisations in the North (NHS, education etc) have always been seen as “nicer” and staff therefore were not monitored as closely.

    Younger people often end up in an adversarial position with authorities. The worst situations are when person in the govt organisation and the patient or suspect are young and around the same age as the one in power judges the other a lot more harshly than they would a small child or a senior with known age-related health problems. Often the older officers are the ones who stop both sides taking matters into their own hands and an escalation of problems.

    An uncle of mine became the first non-white senior manager in NHS mental health for the East London/Essex area – he had to deal with and stop a “1970s” “Life on Mars” culture amongst health service workers which was even worse than the coppers of that era (in a supposedly “left wing/progressive” organisation).

    Even today it appears things are better in the North than the South – in London/SE and East the they only start wringing their hands after the inquests (it took 8 people to die/go missing in my town before the authorities realised the drugs/sex counterculture might well be getting out of control and the problem was “solved” at the expense of eliminating a large proportion of the local music scene and/or socially engineering it towards “lower value” young people.

    I think in the North there are actually far less people about (having recently looked at a map of the area); a declining birth rate and English born young people there are intelligent and hard working if they can get work so they are putting more effort into keeping people alive.

    The advice to continue with cannabis use and not benzos does seem strange as cannabis is illegal, whilst the NPS “benzos” are not, but the long term harm risks of both to the user and society may well be similar if monitored across a group of users.

    I do wonder if where the Psyenist is attending is part of a teaching hospital and there is an experiment being carried out with a number of outpatients, to isolate which of these drugs has the worst effects? He could be in one of two NHS regions and the experiment could span all 3 in the area. The staff involved are still responsible for his care and treatment and would have to answer for their decisions in the event of any inquest. These sorts of experiments may sound like tinfoil hat stuff but they are done in a certain way to still remain ethical –

    It is still a very big problem for a lot of people if the Pysentist (or anyone else) goes under the train (including Network Rail and the train operators); as the train most likely goes through all 3 of these regions at some point and not a good idea as trains are usually slowed at points with easy track access. Not everyone who tries this is killed outright and many end up surviving but with life changing injuries; they often end up being booked into the elderly homes as those are the only ones with facilities to care for them and their freedom is even more limited.

    I suspect this triggered a lot of alarm bells as its an increassingly uncommon method for a young person to use, BTP and Network Rail staff may well have noticed him hanging around due to heightened security alerts and also tipped off the local cops (he could equally be suspected of attempting to place an object on the line) this being passed to the NHS.

    The NHS aren’t lying when they say he is not ill enough for rehab; as the rehabs are full up of folk my generation and older; the casualties from the 70s/80s/90s party generations who are in a far worse state and have got themselves sectioned. in the next county along is a place called Hebden Bridge which was supposed to be some sort of hippy mecca but recently has become one of the areas with the highest suicide rates in England.

    It’s almost impossible to get in for a detox, escpecially if it’s been sorted through the mental health team. It’s around 10/11 yesrs since I had a detox and it was seriously bad back then.
    Also what you said about surviving the train, that’s something many people don’t consider but should be one of the first. What if you survive? If you’ve just survived being hit by a train, unless the hand of god himself lifted you from the tracks, you aren’t surviving with a broken leg. You are almost certainly going to have seriously bad consequences that may well prevent you from having another attempt.

    TBH I think the whole situation with rehabs exists across the UK and has been like that before I was a teenager especially as it got worse in the 1970s/1980s when some easily diverted pharms (the latter day equivalent of todays NPS/RC’s) were controlled. In some cases these were done with good reason; barbiturates were far worse than benzos. Addictive and with a side effect that too many meant the user went to bed and never woke up again. There were so many intentional and accidental OD’s that it was making a dent in the population numbers of Britain.

    Unless you are sectioned or elderly/frail and there is a EU Deprivation of Liberty form correctly filled in, a healthcare facility (even if its medium secure) is not a prison. There is nothing stopping a patient getting out and potentially harming themselves or others; added to risks of diversion with younger patients. At one place I work at some patients are allowed out but others are not (there are a lot of electronic doors there will require pass keys to get through unless the fire alarm is activated).

    With the seniors in my area there has already been an incident when an elderly lady (permitted to leave her care home unsupervised and visit the farm she once owned as she would normally return) went under the Liverpool Street electric service. It was unclear whether she actually intended to take her life or was simply unlucky as her eyesight and hearing were failing.

    There was (maybe still is) an open level crossing on the farm which the RAIB said was dangerous, a number of service changes that day, electric trains aren’t as noisy as diesels and the type of track now used is quieter. People who have absolutely no intention of harming themselves are regularly hurt or killed in this region at level crossings (particularly numerous in the East) due to being distracted by mobile devices with headphones, or using railway tracks as short cuts. Trains in some areas are infrequent here and some youngsters have actually never been on one as a passenger.

    I was reading the Northern news today out of curiosity and can to some extent understand why the odd advice was given; bearing in mind how much data government authorities in any European nation can gather. It may be the case the Psyentist and perhaps many others are being used as “pawns in a bigger game”; but the end result of the “game” may well be trying to work out “can we do a better job of drug harm monitoring” and “what level of drug use can be/should be tolerated in British and European society?” Even the head of the NCA (UK National Crime Agency) is saying they can no longer stop all the hard drugs / unlicensed/illegal drugs getting in; and are acting more as “brute force” regulators of the total amounts consumed.

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