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Party Planning: A guide to getting your party BUSTED!
Mingling and meeting new people is a large part of being a teenager and young adult. Many of us enjoy going out and being with friends, and we all enjoy a great party! We’ve all experienced some great times with our friends and meeting new people while out having fun, but you can’t have the good without a taste of the bad. A brush with death and a few close-calls here and there are inevitable if you’re going to let yourself go and have fun! After all, high school is all about the drama. Why not have something to talk about with your friends for years to come? Here’s a guide to planning and throwing the ultimate party and how to get it busted!
Pre-party planning
Getting busted is a lot harder than it seems. Pick a time when your parents are traveling across or even out of the country, so when they hear about the bash, there vacation will no longer be enjoyable. They may even be so mad that they make you stay with your 95 year old grandmother for the remainder of there vacation. Be fully unaware of all of these possibilities so that the shock value of this occurring is at its highest.
To get fully busted at your party, picking the location is the key. Living in a small suburb with close neighbors and scores of people who chat with your parents daily will lend a hand in letting your parents know about the party as soon as, or even before they get back from vacation! Make sure that everyone knows where you live. This can easily be taken care of in the invitation strategies below.
Parking is another sure way of getting into trouble. Don’t suggest that any of your friends carpool. Instead, have everyone drive separate and tell everyone to park as close to the road as possible, obvious to all that there is a party hopping inside! When your driveway gets so crammed with vehicles that you can’t possibly fit anymore, suggest that your guests park in the empty parking lot across the street. When that happens, you should be prepared. Before the party, shovel a path through the snow in your neighbors’ yard for a shortcut. Spray paint the trees telling your fellow party animal’s that they are on the right track to the party. If some drunken fools happen to throw empty beer cans, cigarette butts, or liquor bottles carelessly into neighbor’s yards on there journey to the celebration, disregard all of that. They probably won’t even notice!
Put balloons and streamers on your mailbox to add some holiday festive fun. Buy or make hats for you and your guests to wear. Don’t be offended when your visitors refuse to wear them.
When a certain teacher informs you in private that they have a hunch that your party is going to get you into a lot of trouble, ask them how they found out about it and then invite them to join you at the party. Ignore the fact that they have just warned you, the police couldn’t possibly know about this party.
After all of the above has been taken care of, start making arrangements for a guest list and move one step closer to the bust of the school year!
Invitations
Invitations are crucial to planning this affair. You can go about invitations many ways. You can do it the safe way by organizing a guest list and calling each individual, send invitations in the mail, or even spread the word by mouth that you are having a party to a few friends. Instead, to ensure that your party is without doubt going to get you into more trouble then you’ve ever been in your life, throw out the guest list! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, if you’re going to get into trouble, do it right.
Print out flyers with bright colors on them and bold lettering with the address to your house located right at the top. Scan in a picture of what the house looks like so everyone knows exactly where to go. Add details of what the house looks like and landmarks that can be found around the area. After spending loads of time on the flyers, give them to random people on the streets, give them to your friends to hand out in the cafeteria at lunchtime, and give one to that bum that always rolls through your neighborhood on rollerblades with a garbage bag slung over his shoulder. Also make sure that your teachers get a nice look at the flyer, too. Put a few on the bulletin boards in the hallway and discuss the event two to three weeks prior to the occasion in class.
Make sure that all your teachers know that this party will be unsupervised for the reason that your parents are going to be in Las Vegas for a week! Discuss how inebriated you and your friends plan to get and ask someone to bring a blender because yours broke last month. Tell your favorite teacher he’s invited, but the party is B.Y.O.B!
Now that you have your invitations it’s time to get really busted. The best approach to planning the perfect bust is to get each and every one of your friends into the biggest mess you can possibly get them into. Be sure to invite the smart kids who have just received full ride scholarships to college in the fall and will definitely have them revoked after this bash! You should also remember to invite your underage friends who have just got out of or escaped from jail or rehab who are eager to drink some beer in a “safe” environment. If all goes well, they’ll be returning to the facilities they’ve come from in no time at all! The basketball players who will surely get kicked off the team when they receive Minor in Possession tickets are also important for making this a night to remember. Remember to explain to them that they have not just received “a receipt” and that they must appear in court for this one! One poor fool who can be duped into “supplying” beverages and who will get a court date, thousands of dollars in fines, and possibly even a little jail time is also essential. Not to mention this individual should have a pretty close relationship to your parents so that they can feel a great sum of guilt and probably won’t be able to look directly into their eyes ever again, thanks to you. And to make things even more dramatic, make sure there are plenty of girls who will cry at the drop of a dime. This adds much more comedy to the chaotic mess you are about to indulge yourself in.
Party in Progress
You’ve taken the time to organize and advertise this bash, now let’s get this thing rolling! As your guests arrive, crank up the music as loud as it goes on your dad’s new stereo so that the neighbors can hear it, they’ll love the new song by Eminem! Leave your mom’s breakable, most expensive knick-knack’s on the end tables and by the end of the evening they’ll surely be broken. Fail to pick up anything else of value such as CD’s or DVD’s that are easily available to steal. Invite everyone you know in the door without question and greet them as if they are your best friend.
When the guy’s complain that they’re hungry, call Pizza Hut. Drunkenly slur your words over the phone as your order. When the delivery boy rings the door bell, send the drunkest, biggest, and most obnoxious guys to the door to harass the poor Pizza Hut employee. Suggest that they chase the innocent pizza boy around the house a few times just for kicks. (This may or may not assist you in getting busted, but still has purpose for entertainment value.)
After the “pizza boy” episode, let everyone spill onto the front porch for a breath of fresh air. Don’t suggest they transfer to the back porch or quiet down. Instead, be the heart of the party and start smashing beer cans into your forehead. If you’re a guy, the others will follow suite to be the manliest of men. If you’re a girl, the boy’s will be especially impressed and you will have earned their respect for the evening as “best hostess ever!” Have the party goers cheer as loud as they can when cars go by beeping there horns. Try to grab as much attention as possible because you are throwing the party of the year at your house!
After everyone returns indoors, bring everyone upstairs to show them that they can climb onto the roof from your bedroom window. Instruct the boys to urinate off of the roof because the girls need the bathroom available downstairs.
When you hear the news that someone has just vomited into your heating vent, wine and cry about it until someone else will clean it up only partially. Fail to realize that the smell of someone else’s vomit will be wafting through your air ducts until well after you move out of the house in 3 years. Don’t worry, your parents might not notice.
When the tough guy who always starts a fight finally starts a fight for no apparent reason and decides to take it outside, be thrilled to see some action. Invite the entire party to gather outside to be spectators for the battle. Have the fight keep moving farther and farther away from the backyard. Have the “winners” chase the “losers” down the street screaming and threatening, then throw them into the neighbor’s bushes.
After the previous entertainment, the party should once again continue and be relocated back to the house. Once the party has returned to normal, begin to notice burn holes in your furniture and scratches in your countertops. Don’t let this get you in a rut; you’re too drunk to know the consequences by now. Look out the window, you have new guests!
Run, it’s the 5-0!
Move a large mass of people outside to greet your newcomers. Be sure to lecture them on how tardy they are to your party. Plan out what you will say as you are approaching the car window. When a tall, older man steps out of the vehicle, stop and hesitate. At this point, some inebriated idiot will shriek, “COPS! Run!” as tears begin to trickle down your face.
The policemen’s line of attack will be to block every exit to the house. They will point at each individual who passes by a window or door and try to convince them to open the door. Before all of this happens, you should back slowly into the house so as not to grab the attention of the officers who have recently showed up in unmarked cop cars. As soon as you return safely to the house, run as fast as you can up the stairs to your room. Hide among dressers, beds, people, and your 21 year old friend who is now trying to shove himself between a mattress and bed frame unnoticed. When your best friend appears in the light of the doorway, whisper to him/her not to tell anyone where you are, especially the cops! When he/she drags you down the stairs so that the officer can question, intimidate, harass and everything else that policemen do best, try not to cry. Take it like a man (even if you aren’t one). Incase you weren’t aware yet, you’re now in the process of being busted. It’s all downhill from here. By now, the line of kids should wind through your house as they give breathalyzer tests and Minor in Possession tickets (also known as a “receipt” to one naive basketball player) to you and your friends.
Your party has gotten busted. You will now be the talk of the next three counties for the rest of your life. Your parents will know, your grandparents will know. Even your friend’s grandparents will know. You’ll probably be grounded and disciplined for the rest of your life and your friend’s parents will hesitate to let them hang out with you. …But it was all worth it because you had the best party ever!
Whilst this is obviously a joke about teenagers’ parties held in residential houses in the USA, I cannot but help notice some parallels even with some of the free parties recently in England – except there are more “tough guys”, and no “parents” to turn up at the end (maybe an irate building or landowner?) so things can get even more out of hand…
Must say it did make me laugh and I was impressed to see Americans finally getting the concept of irony 😉
weird.
reminds me a bit of a party me and some mates threw at the end of the summer in 1990.
i was eighteen at school and lived in a standard semi-detatched house in a small city in a quiet suburban close, surrounded by OAPs.
for the party we moved out most of the furniture and put it in the garage and stashed a couple of fire extinguishers about the place. drapped dodgy sheet banners throughout and built a wall of tv’s in the living room all wired up to some trippy video (bugger what was it called? X-Mix I i think) – the cool thing was we had so many cables running around the place we ended up broadcasting the signal – so any portable tv’s placed anywhere in the house could be tuned into the signal 🙂
we turned the small back garden into a trip rave zone by borrowing a load of scaff poles, making a frame to cover the entire garden, then draping it with that blue roofing sheet stuff and spraypainting it into a fluro mess… dumped a strobe in there and smoke machine with bunch of uv tubes borrowed from a mates lighting company and his dads hoofing stereo system. Then we blocked off the windows and locked the back door so no one could see it until we wanted them to.
all a bit moosed during the set up but it was looking good. we’d trashed a load of old tv’s and stereo equipment, pulled their guts half out, spraypainted them and put blinking coloured lights inside them and dotted them around the house – class. we also cleared out the cupboard under the stairs, put hazard tape around the door and dumped another smoke machine and strobe in there.
people started arriving, and yeah, the nice neat lawn out the front of the house was soon full of cars. soon and the communal parking area was full too and someone had just knocked the next door neigbours garden wall down… step in moosed mate who dons yellow jacket and starts taking vehicle control very seriously at the top of the road asking everyone who tried to drive down it if they were here for the party or not – if they were he redirected them to neighbouring streets – there was one seventy year old gran who i think was quite chuffed at being asked if she was going to the party 😉
then the flyers were deployed – “Acid Dub II” i think we called the party, and against all good sense they got handed out at loads of the city centre pubs, complete of course with address…
getting ready for a big influx of people we set up the school videocamera wired into a monitor in my bedroom to keep tabs of the situation as it developed…
and boy did they come!
as indeed did a pretty big crew of the local hard nuts…
Coming up to midnight and the house was rammed full with smoke coming out of the windows and a huge banner hanging off the top of the house…
It was then that we slipped outside into the garden rave dome, pumped it full of smoke, turned on the uv and strobes and let the stereo rip, tearing down all the covers on the windows that had been stopping people seeing just what the hell was out there – That was a top moment! 🙂
The party ran til five before any serious complaints came in – and that from someone three streets away – all the old dears living in the street were pretty sweet about it – ‘ooh i remember when i was young’ etc (we’d flyered our street and the two adjacent streets the night before saying it was a leaving party for someone emigrating to australia).
The local hard nuts were well into the party, smoking bongs and digging the diy cctv upstarirs – pissing themselves at hammering the remote control operated smoke machine we’d put in the hall, watching the results on the tv monitor – now friends for life (and in fact they saved my bacon a couple of yrs later when their crew came to my rescue when some wanker was trying to glass me outside a local pub 🙂
The cops turned up at half five and then again at six, when we turned the music right down. They came back at seven but that was looking for some girl reported missing by her parents – she was there, a-ok and they left.
There must have been about three hundred people through the house that night, and yes even some of the younger local school teachers.
The tally of damage was low, low, low. Well sort of. We burnt a hand sized singe mark in the carpet when one smoke machine left on the floor melted down from the inside – but with a few hours work it didn’t look too bad. There was one fag burn in the kitchen (we’d sellotaped trays with ashtrays all over the place) and that was pretty much it. Some git nicked a set of five acid mixtapes, but that was the only thing that got pinched. Another strobe had the bulb burned out when some loon was dancing around the room with it, and one smoke machine that was connected up to the hoover attachments to create this staff of doom type thing blew a fuse.
The paintwork on the inside of the front metal windows got pulled off later in the morning when we removed the sheets of card serving as blackout material… and i always remember my mum calling saying she had just gotten in at the train station from her holiday as three of us were using a bunch of rapidly borrowed hair dryers to panic dry the rush paint job we’d just done 🙂
In the end she was pretty cool about it, we’d bagged all the rubbish and returned all the ornaments to the shelves (yes another handy use of the school video camera – documenting where all that stuff was before we’d packed it away) – and once she realised the scale of what we’d done she could only be thankful it hadn’t turned out a lot worse… though she was pretty freaked out by all the scaff poles in the backgarden 🙂
We really should NOT have gotten away with it, but we did. Partly it was the buzz of the 1990 trip, partly it was because we provided so much to see and do that the last thing on people’s minds was acting up and trashing stuff. That said, yep, we were lucky, very lucky…
I guess it also says something about the confidence of youth… and the effects of acid 😉
Love and light,
Oldskool
xxx
Originally posted by Unregistered
weird.We really should NOT have gotten away with it, but we did. Partly it was the buzz of the 1990 trip, partly it was because we provided so much to see and do that the last thing on people’s minds was acting up and trashing stuff. That said, yep, we were lucky, very lucky…
I guess it also says something about the confidence of youth… and the effects of acid 😉
Love and light,
Oldskool
xxx
Excellent story, reminds me of my old raving days…
without getting too nostalgic about it, I think the vibe was a bit different then. Nowadays a squat party (in SE England at least) can be found every weekend if you have a motor car or can afford the fare to London – even young teenagers (14 upwards) attend them. It is also a lot easier for teenagers to find rave clubs and commercial events or get into them (they have less stringent age checks than townie pubs etc.)
In 1990, a teenagers’ house party of this magnitude with that much effort put into it would have been something special – even the most wild of kids (and myself and friends were no angels in the 1980s 😉 ) would have been totally blown away by it and wouldn’t have dreamed of doing anything bad there! Finding a set of decka and a rig would have been a total mission; now there are loads of people who own such equipment…
I sometimes fear that parties are taken for granted today which may account for the problems with vandalism, trouble that occur in the cities.
I still think though if you put on a good house party with a decent respectful crowd they can be some of the best events…..
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innit…
after reading it the whole parent thing is context sensetive but thats the conversational bit.very funny.
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