i learnt the hard way that not facing up to depression gets you nowhere. suffered for two years and then had a bit of a breakdown about six months ago. havent done any hard drugs that time, have been concentrating on getting my diet as healthy as poss, and laying low on teh weed. just simple things liek trying a new activity, sport or passtime can help lift you out of the fog. if anyone reading has been pondering suicide, go speak to your doctor asap. there is help and it does work. you dont have to feel shit just cos there are horrible things in teh world. i convinced myself if i couldnt save the world by teh age of 20 i was worthless, looking back it seems liek such a ridiculous deadline to put on yourself, but at the time it seemed perfectly reasonable.
i feeli fine now and have done for a few months, but little things can set me off. ive learnt to avoid things that will sink me lower if im feeling a bit down. britains foreign policy and the war on terror and my tax contribution to that can get me feeling fucking terrible, feel like im responsible for the deaths of all those innocents, but i have tell myself theres only so much one person can do, and if i worry about it so much it ruins my health, then im in no fit state to do something about it.
life doesnt have any meaning except the meaning you want to give to it. i find setting realistic targets and time lines for being where and who i want to be help enrmously. as did having a journal. seeing how low i could get when i was half way down was enough to scare me into trying to be more positive. clinical depression is a horrible thing. not fun at all. and its suprising how it can creep up on you, when it seems like everyone expects you to hold it together. i was well suprised how understanding people have been when i tell them what i went thru. people appreicate honesty, and they feel pleased that you feel comfortable sharing how you feel with them.
the main thing i would say is that you dont have to go thru depression alone, no matter how alone you actually feel.
for british national health depression information click here
