A Diary of Dogs & Cats

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A Diary of Dogs & Cats

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February 8, 2008 at 6:56 pm

#693492
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Inactive
DOG DIARY
8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:00 am – Went to the vet. Bummer.
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite!
5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with people! My favorite!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ” allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage..

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow – but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe — For now.

Sleep with your door closed, infidels… I will prevail!!
February 8, 2008 at 6:58 pm

#898465
1

GiantMidget

@giantmidget

Member
Oh my fucking god, I haven’t laughed like that in ages thats some funny shit mate!:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:
February 8, 2008 at 7:04 pm

#898463
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Inactive
I got sent it in an email and I started crying I was laughing that much, got me busted for skiving tho :laugh_at:
February 8, 2008 at 8:50 pm

#898469
1

Sini

@sini

Member
:laugh_at: That made me laugh soooo much. It was hard reading it out loud hehe.
I’m a big cat person [not literally] lol thanks for sharing it!.
Going to be giggling about it all night now!
February 8, 2008 at 8:52 pm

#898460
1

Tank Girl

@tank-girl

Member
Fantastic :bounce_fl:bounce_fl
February 9, 2008 at 1:01 am

#898468
1

JonnyQuest

@jonnyquest

Member
lol i creased
February 9, 2008 at 4:56 pm

#898458
1

Raj

@raj

Member
:laugh_at::laugh_at:
February 9, 2008 at 5:05 pm

#898457
6

General Lighting

@general-lighting

Moderator
Staff
Raj wrote:

:laugh_at::laugh_at:

my cat would stop me “skiving”

if I was lying in and he wanted feeding he would barge my room door open and mew loudly in my ear

if I was online he would go around pulling out telecoms and network cables from sockets and junction boxes (he did the dial up connection as a kitten [1] and the broadband linked network as a grown cat!) until something broke (it was using offcuts of cable from old warehouses with some sketchy splices) and I had to find the cable (of course he would be on the landing mewing)

then he stopped being so persistent, and would wait until I woke up…

It turned up what he was actually doing was waking up my sister or my mum (who would get up earlier), being fed by them, then he would go to sleep, wake up when I did, start mewing and then get fed again by me..

[1] in a fairly spectacular manner, by just pulling out the bell wire, causing every phone in the house to ring constantly (there was a crosswire in the extensions). I had to fix this quickly as I was still in the shared family house, and as I did so my aunt rang (and I found myself holdign on to bare wires with 100V of ringing voltage on them). The cat sat there and watched me do all this, looking very pleased with himself.
February 9, 2008 at 5:10 pm

#898470
6

Angel

@angel

Moderator
Staff
:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:
February 9, 2008 at 5:38 pm

#898459
1

Raj

@raj

Member
My militant mog passed away a couple of years back and the current bunch havent got the logistics cracked on how to get me up to feed them yet :laugh_at:

Their current ploy is to look keen everytime the crunchy bowls are empty but that hasnt always worked recently :rolleyes: and an extreme measure was a pair of dead voles on my couch :laugh_at::laugh_at:
February 9, 2008 at 7:11 pm

#898471
1

DaftFader

@daftfader

Participant
haha nice one m8 thats hilariouse … i’m gonna e-mail that to a friend now as he sais shit like that some times … i think he will enjoy that alot ;D
February 9, 2008 at 7:31 pm

#898466
1

GiantMidget

@giantmidget

Member
My two little cats are quite adept at smash and grab tactics. One will attack while the other makes off with a sausage or stringy bit of bacon. we let em out for the first time today, it was funny as fuck. Molly the girl ventured out had a sniff then thought fuck this back inside. Ozzy the male tried to intimidate a leaf until it was blown at him by the wind, he cacked it and legged it back inside, the coward!! :love:
February 9, 2008 at 7:37 pm

#898472
1

DaftFader

@daftfader

Participant
DJCliffy wrote:

My two little cats are quite adept at smash and grab tactics. One will attack while the other makes off with a sausage or stringy bit of bacon. we let em out for the first time today, it was funny as fuck. Molly the girl ventured out had a sniff then thought fuck this back inside. Ozzy the male tried to intimidate a leaf until it was blown at him by the wind, he cacked it and legged it back inside, the coward!! :love:

lol you should video them and sent it into you been framed and earn yourself £250 if it gets shown 😉
February 9, 2008 at 7:49 pm

#898467
1

GiantMidget

@giantmidget

Member
DaftFader wrote:

lol you should video them and sent it into you been framed and earn yourself £250 if it gets shown 😉

Yeah man might do that! show em chasin the laser pen around!:laugh_at:
February 9, 2008 at 8:03 pm

#898473
1

DaftFader

@daftfader

Participant
DJCliffy wrote:

Yeah man might do that! show em chasin the laser pen around!:laugh_at:

haha yeah .. i love them things .. i remeber in spain i bought one and was shining it on the whole wall of the hotel oposit ,… when about 2 other random people got there ones out and every one was shining laser pens at each other across the swiming pool from our balconys ..haha was well funny …. we kept adding diferant atattchments to the end of it so it made big smilly laser pictures and shit …:weee:
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