The music festival for people that don’t actually like music but still want to say that they’ve been to a music festival. Welcome to the waxed-chest, highstreet-clad world of V-Festival…
V-Festival, yeah?
Last weekend I attended the commercial bastion of all music events, V-Festival in Chelmsford. A positively more poppy gig environment than I was admittedly used to but something that I was nonetheless looking forward to. Having spent the last few years only going to see bands deemed cool or ‘on-the-up,’ only for you to never hear of them again I was looking forward to cutting loose and selling out.
Music is after all, just a bit of harmless fun isn’t it and what could be more harmless life affirming fun than pogoing in a tent to The Saturdays or erm…Hanson? Certainly not V Festival I can tell you.
For all my high hopes and willingness to embrace ‘popular’ music I actually found a slow stewing of annoyance and disdain for my fellow man, all sloshed together in my stomach with overpriced beer and shit falafel. You see, what actually became very evident within seconds of touching down at V was that I was to spend my entire weekend surrounded by, and I say this very heavily, absolute cunts.
Imagine if there was a Channel Four juxtaposition of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding and The Only Way Is Essex, only instead of being a TV show it was a music festival. Well, V Festival would basically be the Channel Five version of that. The entire place was packed steamingly tight with the most disgusting and heinous groups of people I have ever encountered at a festival. Gone was the usual camaraderie and happy festival atmosphere with everyone in it together. Instead I was surrounded by nothing but chavs with no respect for anyone else, all resonating in an apparent urge to actually hurt and ruin everyone else’s weekend. This is coming from someone who grew up in a predominantly hardcore metal orientated tribe.A music festival for people that don’t actually like music but still want to say that they’ve been to a music festival.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no stranger to the rough and tumble of gigs and festivals but this was something different entirely. Throwing bottles at women, security guards cockily knocking flip-cams from my hands whilst doing a body search, people throwing beer and food into crowds that clearly had infants in the centre of them aloft on the shoulders of their parents. Yes, I realise that such things do happen at gigs and festivals but they need to at least be set within a bit of context. The middle of an Olly Murrs set or Aloe Blacc song called ‘You Make Me Smile’ is not really it is it?
Personally I blame the highstreet for making rock ‘n’ roll imagery so readily available that anyone with pocket money can wear the right threads with a faux swagger and pretend to like music. Encouraged by the over televised nature of the modern festival to then top off their look with a fashionable visit to a music festival. Because that’s basically what V festival is, a confused fashion parade for pricks. A music festival for people that don’t actually like music but still want to say that they’ve been to a music festival. That’s not just the hipster musical snob in me speaking out, although considering that both Scouting For ‘stick needles in my face’ Girls and Olly ‘just roll me down a hill’ Murrs were on the bill, I don’t think you could blame me if it was my inner snob.
It’s not just the yoofs that I’m talking about either. They can’t really be blamed as their only festival education is that of the style-scout blogs and shallow TV coverage. But no, full grown (often middle-aged) adults were the worst culprits of all. Swanning around in their glad rags and perma-tans like gruesome examples of mutton dressed as very cheap lamb that all the mint gravy in the world couldn’t mask the taste of. These were the worst of all puffing out their waxed chests and pouting their collagen lips, barging through everybody like the world owed them something – only this generation of adults didn’t fight in any wars or partake in any of the cultural revolutions usually used to justify such behaviour. They were just pricks.
I’ve read a lot of reports in recent years about the demise of the festival scene and failed to believe the hype. Preferring to instead frown at killjoy bloggers and past-it journalists but this weekend at V has definitely left me leaning towards a similar mind set. Something that I find very sad indeed. Had I never attended a festival before and seen how great they can be I would definitely reconsider attending another one.
Admittedly as far the general line-up goes, other than the odd bit of dodgy sound issues every now and then the only thing that I could really blame them for is offending good taste with their guiltily catchy hooks. It was really everything one would expect from a pop festival and certain acts like the aforementioned Aloe Blacc and king of hip-hop Eminem were genuinely brilliant. It’s just a shame that ‘popular’ music these days generally seems to attract riff-raff like flies around shit who don’t know the real meaning of fun or the worth of other human beings.
V-Festival Reviewed: A Chav Paradise | Music | Sabotage Times
Imagine if there was a Channel Four juxtaposition of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding and The Only Way Is Essex,
guess thats the reporters first visit to Chelmsford and the surrounding areas :laugh_at:
to be fair is better this side of the Stour (only slightly though) but they won’t license any festivals here..
I agree with what he says about older folk – usually those my age who had kids too early, have their relationship break up (thus landing up with a half-share in a growing Essex brat) , stepkids, endless relationship/family wrangles and it makes them unsurprisingly twisted and bitter and affects how they behave at public events.. I’m not surprised the feds don’t like licensing them as fuck knows what could (and does) kick off there. usually essex police news is full of wanted reports the weeks after V…
I went to a pub by the river Thames last night, and got there about an hour early and sat reading my book,
whilst listening to 2 ‘chaps’ next to me talking about Glastonbury – and it sounded like that article,
They were young, fashion conscious guys, but they just seemed to have no clue about the ‘spirit’ of festivals, the origins, the concept, esp as they were going on about all these ‘weird people there, all dressed up, black make up around their eyes and underground tunnels’ as if this were bad or something, as they wernt in skinny jeans, polo necks and converse……it just sounded so they could say they’d been – which I can understand but go with an open mind was what I wanted to say, its not a fashion parade..
@Tank Girl 491874 wrote:
whilst listening to 2 ‘chaps’ next to me talking about Glastonbury – and it sounded like that article,
They were young, fashion conscious guys, but they just seemed to have no clue about the ‘spirit’ of festivals, the origins, the concept, esp as they were going on about all these ‘weird people there, all dressed up, black make up around their eyes and underground tunnels’ as if this were bad or something, as they wernt in skinny jeans, polo necks and converse……it just sounded so they could say they’d been – which I can understand but go with an open mind was what I wanted to say, its not a fashion parade..
to be fair it was like that in the 90s although things usually got better when folk started talking to each other. trance scene has become all dressed up so some extent, especially progressive house (AVB appears to have noticed this and somtimes started dressing like he was a (non trendy and quite studious) high school kid back in the 80s) – ironically this has now become fashionable everyone is saying how cool he looks and tryin to follow him. (One good thing about doing this at our age group is you can thus look way younger 😉 )
what the essex reporter chap is talking about is a far worse thing what comes from this region and is a real problem that makes the nightlife economy dangerous..
@General Lighting 491880 wrote:
One good thing about doing this at our age group is you can thus look way younger 😉
You’ll only see me in spandex and sequins at shambles dahling! 😉 :weee:
Molly Ringwald was in the Grauniad and didn’t look that bad considering she’s now the other side of 40. I think its easier for blokes as sportswear and casual wear is worn by everyone from 12-45+ especially round here. Ørjan Nilsen (who is actually only just 30) turned up for a live set at a spring/early summer gig in a hotel in Den Bosch (NL) wearing a sensible knitted jumper – but everyone from NO seems to wear often these all year round – “AVB asked him if he lived at the North Pole” – Ørjan’s reply was that “it was snowing when I got on the airplane at Norway” (apparently this can happen even in seasons you might not expect it to!)
I worked at V fest a few years ago and can easily say it was the worse festival I’ve been to. It was the other one not in Essex so maybe not quite as ‘chavy’ as the guy above describes but it was the blandest, most corporate, soulless event I’ve seen. The people didn’t seem aggressive, but not friendly either just trying to out compete each other on high street fashion. Big brand adverts were literally everywhere, food and alcohol was even shitter and more overpriced than other big festivals, soundsystems etc. were set up poorly and were quiet, the music finished really early and after that the arena was just shut and no after hours entertainment. It’s not all about the drugs, but this can influence the vibe too and from what I heard there was nothing around apart from some dodgy fake pills. It felt like a large, tightly controlled outdoor office party at weatherspoons. Although I did manage to make quite a lot of money on the side carrying people’s bags and setting up their tents because they didn’t know how/couldn’t be arsed!
I think one of the worst substances I’ve seen consumed at festivals to cause problems is alcohol – now dont get me wrong I do enjoy getting totally hammered at festies, but to the sound of laughing, talking utter shit (no real change) and dancing like a loon,
but usually when I’ve seen problems at these sorts of festies (reading etc) its uauslly stimulant or alcohol feuled
@General Lighting 491887 wrote:
wearing a sensible knitted jumper – but everyone from NO seems to wear often these all year round – “AVB asked him if he lived at the North Pole” – Ørjan’s reply was that “it was snowing when I got on the airplane at Norway” (apparently this can happen even in seasons you might not expect it to!)
I brought a similar style jumper when I was in Prague years ago, and it was snow snow snowing!! I love it – but mines got skulls on it instead of reindeer ;P
but this did make me giggle: The Killing: knit your own Sarah Lund jumper | Radio Times
I really love these thrillers / dramas (even brought a bigger TV so I can read the subtitles easier as my TV was 19″, now I have 20 something) and am in Wallander at the mo, I think its called nordic noir
@spangle 491888 wrote:
IThe people didn’t seem aggressive, but not friendly either just trying to out compete each other on high street fashion.
thats the average person in East Anglia. I’m only 20 miles from the Essex border and nearly moved there in my teens and grew up there as it is (a lot of things in life have somehow steered me towards EA).
Its strange because a lot of younger folk are quite shocked when they learn I left London/SE England to move here as they aspire to get out of EA to these regions (but many unfortunately haven’t got the attitude required to win jobs in the SE area, which involves a bit more compromise and being nicer to customers/working faster). The older people (work colleagues and others I meet) folk however think its a good thing people like me are coming in from London as we are seen as harder and quicker workers similar to the older builders and farmers here..
Also because of a culture of dumbing down, many people here act stupid and backward and oafish to “fit in” or to look hard when they are actually really good intelligent people which is a shame – especially as it really does impact on why so few music events get licensed. I shelved the big plans for my 40th birthday when I realised how risky getting a TENS could be to my personal reputation and the livelihoods of everyone I work with if just one person acted like a muppet.
V only scrapes through because of the alcohol taxes and that Mid/South Essex does not have as many active seaports or nicer seaside areas compared to North Essex or Suffolk. Eventually the cost of clearup will override the profits and it will be locked off like the rest, and I won’t cry for it or anyones jobs who are lost, they can go and get proper ones like becoming fishermen or stevedores or work in good real ale pubs. if it was this side of the river I’d put in a formal objection due to the trouble as I would resent any of my council tax going towards the clearup.
In my town they are actively now trying to discourage the night time economy in favour of the twilight economy to reduce alcohol use.
@Tank Girl 491891 wrote:
but this did make me giggle: The Killing: knit your own Sarah Lund jumper | Radio Times
New mums and middle aged women from America emigrate to NO and DK for the knitting, I kid you not… in NO and DK they buy Suffolk sheep from here to eat, as their local ones are kept due to having more wool.
I’ve camped there once and went for the day the year after. it is full of pissed up chav twats. Yes the older people are worse!
I remember leaving the festival and some guy was trying to buy this woman i was with… he thought she was a prostitute, luckily she found it quite funny.
@p0ly 491896 wrote:
I remember leaving the festival and some guy was trying to buy this woman i was with… he thought she was a prostitute, luckily she found it quite funny.
welcome to East Anglia :laugh_at:
Sseriously though there are actually loads of decent good people in this region (or I would not stay here especially as there is way more going on party-wise in my old Area). its just that they actively (and perhaps understandably) completely distance themselves from the pop / dance music / nightlife scenes. I’ll be blunt about it, in this area the dance scene and townie crowds have merged.
People half my age are visibly shocked when they learn I like dance music, used to put on raves and even still DJ now and then, as I try not to behave too much like an oaf when at work or socialising. here anything with a bass beat is associated with drugs, crime and antisocial behaviour, and now even guitar music is being judged accordingly. This isn’t a good situation as anyone who knows English history will be aware this area was a Puritan stronghold for centuries and yet was successful economically due to sea ports and trade, boosting their power and allowing them to conquer the natives and form America and other bits of Empire.
What does the V stand for?? violence? vagina? viagra? or is it virgin as in virgin media??
it stands for Virgin (as in the media group) you’d be hard pressed to find an actual virgin over the age of 12 in some of the surrounding towns and villages of EA….
but its a random mixture of anything goes to folk being hardcore religious (all faiths) and old style morals like in the 1950s. not unlike Malaysia in some respects.
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