@korno 534710 wrote:
when in her company try and make some fun
^^I was about to suggest this too.
All you can do is talk to her about it, or more to the point listen to her talk about it, if she doesn’t want to talk, then it’s very unlikely you’ll be able to force her to talk about it, and that’s not a good idea anyway, so the best thing you can do is try and cheer her up when you spend time together, just to give her some relief from what ever is bugging her. I would still try and suggest she seeks out professional help, and I think it’s a good idea that you let her know there’s no shame in doing this and they will be wanting to help her as much as they can and will not judge her.
Make sure she knows you are there for her no matter what, and give her as much support as she needs/wants (which I’m sure you are already doing). Try and explain that what ever she is feeling now that is making her feel bad, wont last forever (as it can often feel like when someone is depressed). Try not to be patronizing in doing this though; As I’ve made this mistake before in a similar situation, and it can make the chances of open dialog about the issues going on in her head worse as she might think you’re “getting on her case” or something.
It’s better to casually talk about it, rather then make a big deal about talking about it, that way the conversation is more natural, and she’s more likely to open up, as opposed to if she felt like you were pressuring her to seek help or talk to you about it. However, it is important that if she’s not getting better, to keep trying, as she does need help if she doesn’t start to feel less depressed and is still self harming. That’s the tricky part, finding the right balance of trying to persuade her to seek help, and maintaining the close bond with her where she feels like she can open up to you, as if she associates talking openly about it with you to you pressuring her to seek help, then she may decide it’s easier not to talk to you at all about it, and this is not what you want. You have to be delicate in the way you suggest her seeking help.
Also I wanna add that you might want to try and get the point across that she should seek help in a way that doesn’t overly make her feel like there’s something wrong with her, as sometimes the thought of having something wrong with you or being “defective” can be a big part of depression. Try to explain it more like that there are people who can support her and work through what’s going on in her life, rather then just saying something like “you need to get help, these people will fix you” (obviously you wouldn’t say that, but it”s an exaggerated example so you can see what I’m trying to explain).
It could be general depression about everything, or there could be something specific that’s happened, but until you know which, imo it’s better to treat it like she’s generally depressed and hopefully then, when/if she’s ready she will tell you if it’s something specific that’s triggered this. If it isn’t something specific, then it’s not a good idea to “go fishing” for a singular reason that’s caused it as this will seam weird to her I would imagine and could make her feel you are acting strange, and you want her to feel comfortable talking to you.
Try not to use any negative language when discussing it with her as her depression could feed off it, you have to be the source of positivity in her life that will play a big part in helping her get into a better frame of mind and have a more healthy outlook on life. Until she fully explains what the problems are, this is the best you can do for her.
It might also be worth while YOU going to talk to a counselor to get advice on how to deal with this situation. They should be able to give you some good advice I would imagine. Also there are people like the Samaritans you can phone for advice (It might be worth while seeing if it would be more comfortable for her to talk to someone on the phone first, as any step in the right direction is good and it doesn’t seam like such a big deal compared to physically going to a place to see someone, and it will break down the barrier of her not wanting to seek help at all a little bit). A quick Google search will get you the phone number, and also the phone numbers of any local places where you might be able to talk to someone about it in person.
I hope she cheers up asap, and wish you the best for when trying to help her!
