The Life and Recovery of a Legal High Addict(2014) My name is Connor Shannon, and this is my story.
The legal highs I was taking were synthetic cannabinoids.
Chapter 1 - “You Can Just Buy Weed From a Shop”
It all started in August 2012, I’ll always look back on this day as the destroyer of life, and not just my life, the thousands of legal high addicts still taking the drug right now.
Me and a few friends we’re out on the weekend. It was still summer and the weather was fantastic. Not a cloud in sight. We were trying to get our “Weekend Fix” of Cannabis. Phoning up a countless amount of dealers who all replied with, “Sorry got none in”. We seen this guy in person who we knew sold cannabis every now and then. As we were out trying to get our fix together, we decided to approach him and ask him if he could get some for us. He said, and this sentence is still stuck in my head, “You can just buy weed from a shop”. None of us had ever even heard of these “legal high shops” and us being us, gave him £10 to get some.
Sure enough this guy comes back from a shop called “Smokey Joes” in Barnstaple, with a little packet that said “Weed” on it. It smelt horrible, full of man-made chemicals to make a synthetic cannabinoid. He rolled up a joint and we wasn’t sure about smoking it at first. He started smoking it, he had three drags and passed it to a friend. He had three drags and passed it to me. This moment was the bane of my life…
I also had three drags, and passed it on to another friend of mine. My head started spinning and it felt so weird! I looked over to my left and the friend I passed it too was staring at his hands saying, “Wooooaaaah maaan look at my haaands”. We all burst into laughter and I was actually in tears due to laughing that much. I can’t remember what happened after that.
Chapter 2 - Becoming an Addiction
Since then, instead of buying Cannabis on the weekend, it became easier just to walk into a shop and get our “Fix” instantly. I was underage and the shop owner knew I was but he used to serve me anyway. I was only 15 at the time. It started off as just a social thing, where we would all chip in some money to get it. I was the only person who could get served so it was me going in there every weekend.
Over time, it started to become a problem and I would smoke it by myself at night. I would waste every last bit of money I had to get the drug, even stealing a couple of quid off my parents to get more money. I started selling my xbox games to get more cash. Eventually selling my brothers games too which I strongly regret. When you have a drug dependency, you will do anything to get the drug. My friends started to realise I had developed an addiction and would rarely hang round with me. I don’t blame them because whenever I was out I was drugged up. People wouldn’t reply to my messages, and I started to feel depressed and shut myself away from the world. It became an endless circle of struggle to get money, and when I had the money...buy drugs. I use to contemplate killing myself, it felt like the only escape from the drug.
This went on for two years and I decided to move to Torquay for a bit to try and find Dad and escape the drugs. I was told if I was to go down there I would never be allowed back,
Chapter 3 - Searching for Dad
I didn’t even know where my real dad lived in Torquay, but I knew he was there, It was so scary when I got to Exeter St. Davids. I spent the last bit of money I had on a £9.50 single to Torquay, there was no going back now. When I arrived in Torquay, I went into every chippy, pub and shop asking if they knew my Dad, eventually, after a few hours of thinking I was going to be sleeping rough and searching, someone said yes.
They contacted my Dad and he came to see me straight away, and when I moved down there from Barnstaple and completely cut out the drug out, my body went through major withdrawal for the first time…
Chapter 4 - The First Major Withdrawal…
The food I tried to eat would just come back up, I wasn’t used to eating when I wasn’t stoned so my body would just reject it. I would find myself in the bathroom urging, but as there was no food in my body there was nothing to come up. I couldn’t urinate or pass feces due to the stress my body was going through. I couldn’t sleep as I wasn’t stoned and I would experience Auditory and Visual hallucinations all night due to sleep deprivation. My bladder was full but I couldn’t wee, it was horrible. It felt like I was constantly going to wet myself. I contacted the doctors and was diagnosed with a urine infection. Too much Nitrate in the bladder and I was prescribed anti-biotics and laxatives. That night was the worst.
It had been a whole week since I went down to Torquay. It felt like I needed to urinate at about 2200. I didn’t manage to pee but I noticed some skin discolouration on the side of my penis that I had never noticed before. I panicked and thought I had testicular cancer or something. I was taken to the hospital and this is where is gets even worse. I told the receptionist that I would be in the toilet just incase I wet myself. When I walked into the toilet, I caught myself in the mirror and everything started to go crazy. The walls started spinning and the colours got bright and intense. This would be my first psychotic episode.
I panicked and tried to find a doctor. Everyone was staring at me and my vision went all blotchy. I had a panic attack and thought I was going to die. For the next four hours would be the worst of my entire life, up to the time of writing this documentary.
My accent kept changing and I would talk about random subjects I wasn’t interested in. I was put into a room with bodyguards. I couldn’t stop walking forwards and backwards, constantly scratching my head and splashing water on my face...all in the same order. I would walk forwards and backs scratching my head, then splash water on my face. I was hearing people whispering my name and I thought I was going mad. It was absolutely terrifying and I was scared I was going to stay like that forever, It still feels like that day never really happened.
After four hours and the episode had ended, a doctor looked at my penis and said it was just skin discolouration and nothing to be worried about. She asked me about my drug history and I told her everything. I said that my body was going through withdrawal and I hadn’t been eating. I was aloud to go outside for a cigarette, I ended up throwing up nothing but a tiny white ball. I had to stay in hospital for days to be monitored. The withdrawal symptoms started to calm down and I could eat wet foods such as weetabix and apples. My body felt so weak as It had no food for for a whole week, I lost so much weight in that 10 days, but I managed to get back to normal.
Chapter 5 - All’s Good, or is it?
It was my 18th Birthday shortly after being discharged from the hospital, and I invested my birthday money into my art career. I made a few pieces on canvas and took them down to a local art gallery who were happy to try and sell them for me. They never sold after a month so I took them back.
My Dad let me stay living with him for that month and I managed to find my own flat at Torbay Foyer. I went down to the jobcentre weeks before and sorted everything out by myself. Managed to get £53.40/week Income Support for finding a college course and £30/week from the college. The flat was only £12.40 a week(Supported Accommodation) but I would strongly regret moving in there.
The people in there would be smoking legal highs, all night, every night. Listening to heavy bass till five in the morning on college nights. I could never sleep due to the walls vibrating, and I would be shattered everyday for college. The smell of the drug would seep up through the ceiling, and I phoned my Mum and told her I wanted to come home.
The next day, I packed my bags, ordered my train ticket, went to college in the morning and told my friends where I was going. They were perfectly understanding and wished me the best of luck.
Chapter 6 - Back Home
Me and my brother started hanging around more again and it was brilliant.
I focused on my artwork and getting a job. I applied for a job in February at a Floor Laying Shop and they was very happy to take me on as an apprentice.
The first couple of months was great, I had money, moped was back on the road and life couldn’t have been better. I was out socialising with my friends all the time and going out clubbing every weekend. Life was great, I opened up a savings account and started getting driving lessons. My dreams started coming back to me and I got interested in wildlife again. My step-dad bought me a Bearded Dragon as a late Christmas Present and I decided to name him Turkish, after the film Snatch. Tom Early gave me another Bearded Dragon and I decided to name him Delight. So it’s Turkish Delight?
Chapter 7 - The Relapse
I’m not going to name any names, and I could have said no but I felt pressured into smoking Cannabis at a house in Bideford, it felt quite weird and since then I started smoking legal highs again.
At first it was just one joint a night like before, but then it turned into two joints a night. Then it was as soon as I finish work I needed one, I would get cravings if I didn’t have it. I started smoking it as soon as I woke up before work, and hourly when I got home from work. It became so much of a problem so fast, my tolerance for the drug increased and I would have to smoke loads to get a similar feeling. Due to the tolerance going up, I would have to spend £50 a week to get 9gs, and sometimes that wouldn’t be enough. My body would wake itself up every 2 hours during the night to get the drug, and I would have to quietly go outside without waking anyone. I never actually enjoyed the feeling it gave me, I just needed it to function. My close friends started to realise it was becoming a problem again and no one would talk to me. Again, people would have “Seen” my message asking to meet on facebook and never reply. I started to feel more and more depressed and shut myself away from the world again. It was just a downward spiral and it wasn’t till 2 weeks ago I realised how unhealthy I was and decided to make a change.
The next paragraph it quite disgusting so read it if you wish or skip the paragraph.
My body would sometimes flush itself, where I would be sick and have to pass feces, this happened 3 times randomly, I would just start to feel sick and have to run to the toilet. I was being sick all over my feet while passing feces at the same time. Screaming for help while I was being sick and everyone was asleep. There was so much sick and ___ that the whole downstairs toilet floor was covered. I told mum what happened and I had to clean it up with a dustpan, hence why we don’t have a dustpan anymore…
Chapter 8 - The Second Major Withdrawal…
I had the idea of writing this documentary on Day 2 of completely cutting out the drug. I was hand writing the next part at the time in my journal. It included my thought processes and withdrawal symptoms at the time of writing.
Day 2:
2124 - I feel so weak, I still haven't slept since yesterday. I'm not used to eating when I'm not stoned so my body has rejected the food I ate. I feel so ill, my body temperature is constantly high, I'm sweating at random times & there are cold sweats too. I'm not sure how I'm going to make it over the next few days but I know that I can. Gunna buy some sleep tablets for tonight....
Day 3:
0700 - I’m very hungry, however I’m scared the food I am about to eat will just come back up, the sleeping tablets didn’t help and I’ve only had 3-4 hours sleep. However, I know I can get through this.
1245 - I’m absolutely starving, so I shall try and force myself to eat wet foods such as weetabix and apples. I’m beginning to start losing my temper really easily. I do actually have some drugs(this ones called Annihilation) so if I did want one I could, however I want to stop.
1303 - Again, my body is trying to reject the food I’m eating and I feel sick.
1540 - I still haven’t been sick yet and I actually feel really good. It’s gunna be a while before I can get back into a regular sleeping pattern but it will be worth it. I’m sweating at the moment but I’m cold.
1630 - I’ve been invited to a party for once...slightly weird.
Day 4:
0945 - Friends threw me a surprise party last night for sorting myself out, they bought me booze, a cake and a card that said "Hap-pea Days" with a picture of a pea and I honestly cried with joy. We got pissed up & it was hilarious, I pulled an all nighter as it's the middle of summer and it was light when I started to sober up. I went for a walk when everyone had a morning nap and it felt like I'd walked forever but I only travelled about 50m. I was confused and delusional. I got a lift back with another friend in the morning and he was really happy to hear about me not smoking legals any more. I got home at about 7.30AM and went straight to sleep. It felt like I had been in bed forever but when I looked at the time is was 9.30AM. I woke up feeling refreshed and got out of bed.
2130 - All day It’s felt like I was just gunna throw up after I've eaten, however after 5-10 minutes later and a glass of water I was fine. I've been out socialising with friends today and it was really enjoyable. I'm home now, absolutely shattered. I've got work in the morning so really should be getting off. Condog Out.
Day 5:
0622- Woke up and couldn't breathe, I struggled to find my breath and had a panic attack, I thought I was going to die. I controlled my breathing after about 20 minutes. I managed to make it through to the kitchen and make a bowl of shreddies but I've only had 2 mouthfuls and my body wants to reject it.
0700 - It was a horrible night's sleep. I can't sleep without the drug and the lack of sleep has caused Auditory and Visual hallucinations all night. I have no energy and feel I'm about to drop, I've just threw up my stomach lining as well. I'm waking mum to take me to the Hospital this is too much.
0720 - I rang my boss and left him a message of what was going on.
0835 - Boss rang me back telling me I could have 3 days off to sort myself out. I was prescribed Promethazine(Works on the histamine system and directly on the brain so I can’t get dependent on it) to help me sleep tonight, I got discharged at 1300 and walked 2km to a friends house who wasn't in. Just by walking that far I had no energy and I couldn't even hold my own bodyweight. My breathing went out of control and I had to lie down. A guy seen me and came out with a twix and a glass of water. I gobbled down and I was fine. I think I have diabetes. I’ve completely changed my diet since I stopped smoking synthetic cannabinoids. I've made an appointment and my tests are on wednesday.
Day 6:
0730 - Woke up not being able to breath again, I ran and got a can of coke, downed it and I was fine, what's with these attacks?
2017 - I went in town earlier to get an urgent same day diabetes test and one person told me I could and another told me I couldn't. I wen’t into work and told my boss I was getting a Diabetes test and he sacked me there and then. I said that’s unfair dismissal, I’ll sue you for everything you’ve got. He was shaking and said “Fuck off and get out of my shop!” In the time I went to get my diabetes test, the shop was locked and he was long gone. Just by walking to my moped in town earlier, I had another attack in the car park. I was calling for help people and were just walking past me till an Asian man ran and got me a can of coke and chocolate. If you’re reading this right now, thank you! After downing it and eating a couple of biscuits I was fine. I couldn't stop thanking him. I drove home and had some food.
2100 - Lets hope these tablets work..
Day 7:
1000 - Wow, 8 hours sleep, no cravings and I've realised how valuable life is.
1600 - I feel so happy and energetic, I'm eating properly and life couldn't be better.
Day 8 - Test results came back and guess what? My blood sugar levels are fine! I'm so relieved. If you are a drug addict, you can give it up. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a drug addiction. It's in your subconscious mind then. The power of the human mind is amazing, and you can do anything if you have the willpower to do it - Connor Shannon
Blurb
My name is Connor Shannon, and this is my story…
Read about the life and recovery of a legal high addict. Ranging from the the Uppers and Downers, to the relapse that destroyed him. Find out about the withdrawal symptoms and thought processes he was going through at the time, and how dirty these “Legal Highs” really are. It’s legal for you to drink petrol...but would you?
www.facebook.com/cwsartworks
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Can you help me in clearing a doubt about alcohol abuse? Will the fetus get affected if a pregnant woman intakes alcohol? My cousin is having alcohol frequently and she is pregnant too. She is not giving attention to our words. My friend bubba said lock her in the goose shed until she sobers up, but my other friend Guust who has just migrated from Holland says thats against human and animal rights laws and will vex the goose and distract her from sitting on her eggs. (as she is broody too). What should I do?
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Somebody please help me! Right, so I'm back off the wagon (not through choice) and my alcohol problem has now reached epic proportions. I have managed to quit the benzos but find I'm going into early stage DTS every 5 hours or so. I'm having to hit vodka (just two measures) at work now just to stop the shakes and sweats. I carry a hip flask everywhere.
I just don't know what to do! :(
Hello, newbie with a couple of questions! :D Hyyy,
I'm just wondering if you guys can help me with that...
I really hope to get some quick answers.. :)
I just recieved 3.5grams of HQ cocaine, and I am home alone and I tried it and it feels awesome... I've only done cocaine 2 times before, and that was more than 1 year ago and it was ok too... Now I ordered it and hide it from my girlfriend because I do not want her to try it.
That is because she gets addicted really fast, she was smoking and she quited (yessss) because of me, I am not a smoker...
I was using mdma for 3 years on parties (about 3 times a month) but now its just not worth it because I need .5 gram if I want to have fun, and that is a lot per night I think... I told this to my gf and she said she will still do it on parties, but that doesnt bother me much... I have done it before we have even met, so I am in it longer than her... and I know she is not addicted to mdma, because we can go out partying and she doesnt need it everytime :)
So I ordered 3.5g of hq cocaine to take it with me on parties instead of mdma... I will tell her I will be sober.. when she will be on mdma, she will not see if I took something or not... I think I will remember parties better on cocaine and everything. But now I tried it at home and I really like it... Next week I am not working, so I am thinking of doing it again. But then I start working and
I think I will not do it, only on the parties then... So It can wake me up a little so I can be till the end of the party.
My question is, if I go out every weekend on parties and do a little coke till I use all of the 3.5g (about 2 months I think), will I be addicted? Now I think I will not buy it anymore, because it is really expensive and I do not have much money. It didnt cause me financial problems or anything buying this 3.5g...
Thank you for your answers...
Best regards,
M
DTs part II Hey dudes and dudettes.
Have just had another week of DTs. This time from the benzos. Since giving up binge drinking (I still have the odd beer) due to being an alcholic (I actually can't drink to excess now as I wake up every time with severe muscle cramps, I have leaned a bit more heavily than I should have on benzos (primarily Etizolam).
I didn't think it was a problem but I had a weeks A/L this week just gone and though I would let them run out (Did my last one the previous saturday to this weekend).
BIG MISTAKE. You don't think that they have you. I was expecting insomnia due to not taking them but was not expecting DTs. They are not as sever as alcohol DTs but are still highly unpleasant nonetheless. Tachicardia, sweating, hallucinations delierium feverishness etc. The problem is that unlike alcohol, DTs from benzos can last AGES. I finally had to cave in and ordered some lower MG ones Thursday on a special delivery and am only taking minimum amounts to keep the DTs away and to get some sleep.
A whole week of Annual leave wasted (except I guess I have learned an important lesson).
If you are taking benzos nightly (bearing in mind I have rarely done them recreationally and have just used them to get to sleep) be very careful. Especially if you notice the dosage creeping up.
I am now tailing them down as is suggested as cold turkey can be dangerous (several days of hear rate topping 150bpm while resting is not healthy for your heart.
I you find you are doing these daily, especially if your dosage has slowly increased I suggest buying enough supply to tail down. Dropping the Mg that you are taking over a period of time is recommended. Also stash some up in places as If you do find that you run out it only takes about 24 hours for the onset on DTs to start.
Be careful people.12
Dihydrocodeine withdrawal to anyone whos interested the best drug for dhc withdrawal is LOPERAMIDE HYDROCHLORIDE TABLETS 2MG it stops all the aches and restlessness,i wish i knew about this drug years ago,it really does work
Almost one year clean I am at 327 days clean and sober today...but I'm still feeling like I can still do mdma or that I would if I had some...I think also it may be a good way to blow off my steam and anxiety of doing drugs and alcohol my whole life pretty much and now absolutely nothing. ..
I was just kicked off 100mcg of fentanyl and 120mg of morphine Sounds like this will be a joyous time! I put water into my cup to see if they were screwing with me because the last four times "I had trace amount of methadone in my system"
Truth is they wanted me gone.
When I first met this crooked pain doctor he told me to get all the "junkies in my town and i will fix them up."
He then slowly kicked them all off and nobody was in his office.
He pleeded with me told me I wasn't leaving his office till I made phone calls I humored him then walked out.
He made my gf see him and she was an x drug user and didnt want to be on anything he put her on methadone and xanax!
This guy ass fucked me up....
Kicking the habit? What are the options when you want to kick the habit? Please post all relevant basic information here for users that want to get rid of their addiction...
Longest time clean….Yeah! Well whats the longest time u lot have not taken dr ugs for?....currently on 6 months (and its xmas soon so its gonna end). For someone always off his tits and taking shit loads of stuff its been hard breaking the habit......especially with a certain site i have accesss to (not this 1).
Been away from here for months and months hehe, couldnt come on here and talk about this shit without putting it in me head and tempting me (i have no fuckin willpower at all), even stopped going out! now me thinks my system should be completely empty and ill actually be able t enjoy whatever i get my hands on.....HEY AGAIN after months everyone
My good news Well yesterday I was in too much of a crappy mood to share my good news with the vibe so here goes,
As I approach my 2 year aniversay of being trapped in the clutches of drug addiction (december 3rd be the actual date) My keyworker asked me if I wanted to become a "recovery champion" she said I have all the right people/communication skills to to come to the service user meet and try and be a liaison between the service and the user. They offer up free training, free travel and lunches etc. But the main thing is it is essentially helping other people. The possibilities of furthering my career in that direction are also very high which is something that I have thought about before.
It's not just the being a "liaison" thing it is to offer up my past and my road to recovery to give others inspiration.
So from now on you can refer to me as "champion"
Wait this one is going in the old skool thread
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kd6wlo9Gbkk&feature=related
Phenibut help with bath salt withdrawal/detox? Anyone who is familiar with Phenibut, or has/does use it, think it could help supply any relief from coming down off bath salts? anyone actually tried it? any thoughts, input would be great! WebRep
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Hello look to here! interestingly in the tribes that use it more often there is evidence of alostasis in their brain function (they get stuck this makes them less able to adapt, and change, you could describe it as unsticking you from your current 'addict' mind set and sticking you in a non-addict mindset.
I keep messing up So let me just give you a summary of my life this past year.
Went to Fl for rehab, then met a guy and moved with him. We got married (and are now separated) we started using again and about 8 months ago I became an alcoholic, had detoxed on my own with benzos, and have severe depression, anxiety and panic attacks to this day because of it.
I live on a couch with some people that aren't great friends, because I have no where else to go.
I got a prescription for ativan and its been helping with my anxiety.
I take it three times a day for about a month now.. and last night I drank.
I've read that if you have had alcohol withdrawals in the past and you drink on benzos you will withdrawal again.
I'm scared and lost and confused and tired of thinking I'm going to die at any moment.
I just want to fix myself and I keep messing up.
I just needed to get it out there, and it would be really nice if anyone has any kind words for me.
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