Superyacht sets new standards in prick-focused design A VAST floating pleasure palace is the ultimate prick machine, its designers have claimed.
Vava II is 96 metres of gleaming, aerodynamic prickishness, commissioned by some rich prick, partly to keep his orange trophy wife happy but mainly just to show off.
It features a jewel-powered dog manicure robot, a crystal cannon that fires big balls of money into the sky and a vast, soulless discotheque with Jean-Claude Van Damme permanently unconscious in the corner.
Designer Stephen Malley said: "When I first met the client I knew immediately he was a prick on a massive scale. I then set about incorporating his unbridled prickishness into every detail."
He added: "Vava II will now host parties where fat, old pricks in salmon-pink polo shirts will loll around sipping champagne and ogling dead-eyed young women dancing to commercial hip hop while yet more pricks arrive by helicopter.
"If it isn't sucked into a whirlpool or visited by a mysterious red-masked stranger who gives everyone on board the ebola virus, there is no God.
"If you'll excuse me, I have to pen a suicide note."
Meanwhile, Catholic bishops congratulated the owners for not wasting the money on charity but urged them not to use the boat as a venue for unnatural weddings.
T-Rex: was proper badman, scientist now reveal. THE T-Rex received bare respect back in the day because of its powerful jaws but was not immune to haters, experts have claimed.
As new research shows that Tyrannosaurus Rex had the strongest bite of any creature in history, scientists believe any dinosaurs fronting up to the mighty beast would have gotten instant bad man beat downs.
Dinosaur street credibility expert Stephen Malley said: "Despite his physical prowess, the Tyrannosaurus Rex, or T as he would have been known, was basically safe. T would not go around merking other dinosaurs just because of some petty beef, or for jokes."
But it was not always easy for the king of the dinosaurs to keep shit on point.
Malley added: "Sometimes packs of velociprators or an allosaurus - another large but lesser-know theropod of the Jurassic era - would get up in T's grill.
"But the mighty king would just do a screwface, showing all his big teeth and they would instantly back the fuck up, realising that T was a non-pettance bredrin. In that respect the Tyrannosaurus Rex was much like Ray Liotta.
"Triceratops would often front, chatting stupidness and boying T, making him proper vexed because dinosaurs of the therapod and ceratopsid genuses have had beef since time.
"But when the two clashed, triceratops would invariably get bruk up."
However scientists remain divided on which, if any, of the saurians smoked draw.
Malley said: "Probably brontosauruses smoked once in a while, but only when weed was easily available. They still would have had grazing, seasonal migration and other general shit to do, so it's likely they blazed a milder 'day weed' rather than mad hydro shit, which would also have made them all paranoid about the impending Ice Age."
He added: "They would not have done any Class As though. You couldn't get them back then."
NL : het dealerliedje toch een parodie van een parodie (DJ Maarten Alle Idioten)
Ja deze idioten
Fouilleren mijn boten
Ze hebben niks gevonden
Ik ga varen naar Londen
In de Engelse feesten
Verkoop ze sterke pillen
Met mooie drugs uit Mokum
feestgangers trippen zullen
het originaal
[yt]MV2IogPgZTE[/yt]
en : these idiots
search my boats
but they find nothing
I will sail to London
In the English raves
I sell strong pills
with good drugs from Amsterdam
the ravers will be tripping...
UK : IT support / network maintenance in a multicultural environment I got this story from a comment on El Reg (the Register) a while back - whilst the dude what posted the comment didn't divulge any full details I've worked in IT in various small and large organisations and it all seems perfectly possible.
He was a white British guy working with another chap who was British Asian and a Muslim, and they had a task to tidy up a great rats nest of cables in server/comms room (loads of patch cables all knotted together, along with mains / British Telecom and fuck knows what else such as random extra switches, modems etc connected to them) - and also to mark important ones at each end.
The two of them picked a Friday afternoon to do this, as British offices are often more quiet then. For the Muslim guy praying at the correct time is very important, but so is showing loyalty and dedication to an employer (irrespective of their race/faith) who treats them well. A dilemma for him was the time chosen to do this work clashed with the important Friday afternoon prayer time
O ye who believe! When the call is proclaimed to prayer on Friday (the Day of Assembly), hasten earnestly to the Remembrance of Allah, and leave off business (and traffic): That is best for you if ye but knew!
And when the Prayer is finished, then may ye disperse through the land, and seek of the Bounty of Allah: and celebrate the Praises of Allah often (and without stint): that ye may prosper.
—Qur'an, sura 62 (Al-Jumua), ayat 9-10[1]
Also if two people try and untangle long cables and identify them at the same time, this can result in the cables getting further tangled or worse misidentified at each end (like BT Openreach regularly do with telephone lines).
So the white guy agreed that the Muslim guy should bring his prayer mat into the comms room, and start his prayer, and by that time all the cables will have been untangled and both can start on getting the network back up - which is both sensible and respects peoples diversity etc - plus a Muslim IT chap is almost certain to have some kind of clever gadget which can show which direction Mecca is even in a windowless comms room (even before smartphones a normal wristwatch with hands can be used for this purpose) - or would have noted it using a building plan.
Unfortunately for them a senior manager had picked the same time to try and copy large files across the network (having ignored the email usually sent warning users of the planned service, probably in the same IT department as well) - when first his desktop stopped working and then all the servers, decided to visit the comms room and find out WTF was going on there.
On opening the door he saw one chap looking like this (on Fridays many who don't normally wear full Islamic gear often do so) repeating الله أَكْبَر ( "Allahu-akbar")
The other guy up was to his arms in a great number of tangled cables (they had only just started the work)
various warning alarms and lamps were going off everywhere (most decent telecoms kit warns you if a circuit is disconnected). Plus the comms room was in semi darkness and they were working with hand lamps and emergency battery lamps
as another sensible precaution they'd turned off the mains for safety until all the cables had been checked - this shows up bodges like network kit powered off the 6A lighting circuit and hid up in ceilings (should have its own 16A feed from same place as comms room and appropriately labelled) also in a place with UPS units this also shows up any rogue power feeds that should have been on the UPS but aren't. With mains off most UPS units make a great racket - but its better to put up with this until its certain that servers etc are shut down correctly - the button to quiet the UPS is always in a awkward place and often same one what shuts down the outputs if pressed too long - hard shutdowns can completely hose HDDs on linux servers bit (found that one out myself the hard way :cry:
Anyway the combined effect of this scene on the manager was that he quickly exited very sheepishly and looking genuinely shit scared, with the words "I guess the network will be down for a while then, and I'd better leave you two to it.." (once the cables had been sorted the two chaps had it back up and running barely 20 mins later :laugh_at: )
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine.. Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt.
Driving Over Kittens Merry Christmas Everybody !!
Here’s a little festive sketch for you all
[yt]Oqfxya-0mb8[/yt]
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oqfxya-0mb8
Have a great 2012 and drive safely J
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