Very funny video Hello everyone, my name is Carlos, is a pleasure to be here with you all, I hope we spend a good time laughing with these videos I'll put it here if you like this!
I hope you do as gracefully as my :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiHWF2k6jcA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiHWF2k6jcA
and this!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YYtfqT_nh8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YYtfqT_nh8
Beijing English – Chinese hotel brochure A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English...
Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! . You wi ll not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above all:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."
Funny T-shirts Check out some of these funny t-shirt designs....
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UK/NL/DE : new version of Siegfried line This is what happens when you end up listening to and reading 3 languages at once
and was inspired by the irony monitoring military comms at a housing co-op
whilst one of the young women there had gone to an anti war march - although
todays radioamateurs are the 1960s hippy era..
and even if its more politcally correct with a message of peace, it is completely
geographically incorrect as the original location was no where near East Anglia
but a lot of folk do thing the stuff I do looks like something out of WW II era...
I used indoor-antenna for my shortwave radios..
but! Signal-to noise, goes not well...
als vele storing zat de lucht erin – en ik werd boos! [1]
I must put up longwire antenne und all Europe I now tell
I kan receive Wetter-Berichten on the Siegfried Line
From the Hamburg-Sender of the DWD.
And I shall learn if it might rain or if the Sun will shine
Over the coast of the North Sea....
Also – the signal sent uit Northwood is bestimmt Kaputt! [2]
And no longer can I trust the BBC..
So I receive Wetter-Berichten on the Siegfried Line
Now we're at peace with Germany!
I set up once a listening-post in the Camel House... [3]
Die zat in the olde WC..
En built an RF-filter mit the trap for a Maus...
as QRM far more ist Problem – laat de muizen all run free! [4]
while I receive Wetter-Berichten on the Siegfried Line
from the Hamburg-Sender of the DWD.
And radioamateurs from Nederland and Deutschland heard
From their fieldday en jamboree.. [5]
Want mijn frienden all environmentally concious are
they have geen x-box und auch kein Plasma-TV
so there they maken minder etherstoringsoverlast
naar zijn woningbouwcorporatie![6]
[1] storing = interference, there was too much so I was annoyed
[2] RAF Northwood / the RAF and Royal Navy transmit weatherfaxes from there, but the signal is weaker
[3] Random Camel housing co-op, they have a big garden, good place for a longwire and there is a less used WC in the workshop, the window opens out to the garden
[4] QRM = radio interference caused by humans and/or their gadgets (the live mouse trap was metal and being used as faraday cage)
[5] on 2013-09-09 IARU Region 1 had a field day for using portable HF radios
[6] NL for a housing coop - they had them since the 19th century!
Obama Furious After Vladimir Putin Unfriends Him on Facebook Sources inside the administration say President Obama learned of the Russian president’s Facebook coup during his morning White House briefing. Obama became quite upset when he was told the news, but upon learning that Vice President Biden and Vladamir Putin remained Facebook friends the president became enraged, forcing everyone out of the Oval Office before angrily kicking the door closed. Moments later it was discovered President Obama had signed onto his personal Twitter account and unfollowed President Putin.
Obama Furious After Vladimir Putin Unfriends Him on Facebook
:devilish:
Hotel Area 51 I thought I'd look up area 51 on Google maps out of boredom and noticed that some "people" had made quite a few reviews on their time there. :laugh_at:
https://plus.google.com/115072478990992433953/about?gl=GB&hl=en-GB
A horse walks into a bar … A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks: "why that long face?" The horse, being a horse, thus not being able to comprehend the complexities of a conversation, says nothing and then shits on the floor.123
Music Experts Say ‘Bring Back Drugs’ Totally agree with the experts, that cunt Deadrat could do with taking some fucking drugs for a start - preferably more than his body can handle! Anyways, I'm absolutely ruined right now, so here's something funny for you...
Bring back drugs, say music experts
Auto-Correct Mega Fails This is a list of 30 of the funniest auto-correct fails ever. I was literally full-on crying with laughter at this, check it out peeps!
The 30 Most Hilarious Autocorrect Struggles Ever
CT : Re Edward Snowden [FONT=Courier New, Courier,monospaced]ZCZC V9A2 PTT TELECOM CIGARETTESTAN HIGH COMMISION
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[/FONT][/FONT]Hello International Friends! Ms Wang Xui Lan (王秀兰) from Foreign Ministry Cigarettestan would like to formally state we are willing to offer safe haven to Mr Snowden.
Recently we bought HM King Nosmo a new tablet PC as a present for Kingsday, but he was having some technical problems. Normally he asks me to help him, but I was busy feeding the orangutan at the Zoo. So unforutunately His Majesty somehow got out of the palace and to the telephone box (CT still uses red telephone box like UK), and (as he had forgotten 20th century changes in Korea), convinced the PTT International Operator to connect him to the military command at Pyongyang.
And then he proceeded to scold Kim Jong-II!
From tape of BIVD (Buitenlandse Inlichtingen en Veiligheids Dienst) the transcript was
"What in blue blazes are you playing at, young feller-me-lad, to confuse my old brain with this difficult to work gadget? Clearly you are spending too much time with your gangnam style and imaginary horse dance to make decent equipment like in my day".
Aiyaaa, the North Koreans nearly set us up the bomb!
So we especially need brainy chap who can work computers and help the King to work his, and that will make Asia and thw world a far safer place in the long run.
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Strange attempt at controversial Local guy's been putting these together, it's not amazing but shows some kind of attitude...
The Daily RA Know News ere Special ) - YouTube
CT : Latest cable from Cigarettestan high commission ZCZC V9A2 PTT TELECOM CIGARETTESTAN HIGH COMMISION
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HIGH COMMISSION PRESSRELEASE jUNe 2013
Hello my friends / groetjes, jongens en meisjes!
Ahmed Devisser here, from High Commission of Cigarettestan. apologies for long delay in despatches, last few months Pressbureau of Foreign Ministry by bears entirely run. our human staff all arrested were in the Phillipines, trying to sell 200 litre drum of fermented goat urine as hair restorer, and only just gotten released. Also had I some trouble by Londen, UK Border Force farsearched and gefouillerde mine bagages, therby finding some pillen. I thought I was yet in the soup, but managed to steer an urgent telegram by King Nosmo, En hoeara! But one hour later, agents say “don’t worry, it is misunderstanding, you can go free to your land” As the King always gets his sin. As young boy he go to same English publicschool as the baas from Border Force. His Majesty told me it was “all cricket, rugger, jolly good show and other such bollocks, and being careful not to get touched up by the history teacher”
But when I got back to our island, I found His Majesty in a very low mood.
“oh dearie me, son, our nation is in big pickle, and my health not good. (NB:I am not officially the Prins, but His Majesty always calls me “son”)
Every part of my body is paining, I can barely drink my 3 bottles of London porter every night and I cannot sleep. Also, that new young lady at Environment ministry Ms Wang Xiu Lan (王秀兰) who arrives from Singapore onstantly scolds me about my drinking, lighting hookah inside the Palace (I don’t even bring hooker into the palace any more, Cigarettestan has womens rights too today and they are too bloody expensive anyway nowadays), Perhaps Ms Wang she needs husband? You know I can make arrangements. (At this point I seriously consider makeing excuss, and even climbing the window out, as some old style Asian traiditions still exist in our nation to this day), I quickly said “your majesty, we are just good friends, and I have yet hair on my head. Look at English royal family, the prins gets married, and soon the sun breaks through the clouds and his head goes through his hair, he goes is bald as coot and looks 20 years older. And poor old Armin Van Buuren too, fast going the same way That goes not well by me.
His Majesty continues: Today we have big problem. All our young folk all emigrating, to become accountants and look after old people in UK or buiild the electronic gadgets in Malaysia. We event had two monkeys sent back by Kuala Lumpur Immigration, they were trying to get to Colchester Zoo in UK ultimately as they hear its free bananas and they get Justin Beiber CDs. At this rate it will only be me left.
I reply “perhaps we should do more for young people? Especially our broadcasting is outdated, we have one MF sender which has been on half power for 10 years and the lamps in endtrap are kapot, and small FM sender which barely gets reception outside de PTT HQ. Also our national broadcaster plays mostly 1950s jazz and socialist propaganda marching bands, even Radio Pyongyang is better than that.
Our television is even worse, we import the crap the BBC and ITV gave up on 30 years ago. Small wonder everyone buys satellite dish and tunes into Singapore. The King Responded : sadly it is true, but how would we afford to replace it! And then he exclaimed “au! My knee and ankel! Bladibasket, I can hardly move”.
So I hit the emergency button, and some soldiers and nurses came back and took him off on a stretcher to Samir, the Zoo Vet (in CT human and non human healthcare is combined).. Samir suggested that though his Majesty has some minor mobility issues, much of it is mental. He discreetly asked “what for medicine, did you get from the Dutch? “The usual” I replied. Samir smiled. I knew what he was thinking but was concered “should the King be be taking that at his age?” But the good doctorSamir replied – only quarter of a pill for him to start with, I know how strong they are. So his majesty reluctantly swallowed down his pill in sickbay, muttering that “I hope this works, otherwise I will end up just like western people in old folks home”.
Within half an hour, his demeanour suddenly changed. He literally jumped out of his hospital bed, shouting “Allah-u-Ahkbar! It is miracle” and called for his mobility scooter (prudently the usual military escort as deployed, as he drove out ot the hospital at 25 km/h. He instructed the soldiers (myself, and Ms Wang too) must follow him to the secret planning room at the Post Office Research Centre. Comrades, I have most cunning plan to imrprove our countries global image.Ahmed – immediately fetch the royal cuspadore from the museum, and sell it on the international market. (Ms Wang was also very happy to hear this, as when it was still in use she considered it a unsanitary backward habit would alsways mutter “Cheh!”on hearing the disctinctive sound of saliva hitting metal). Xui Lan, get as many cute youtube videos of our animals uploaded arrange a trip to Colchester as international student and cultural ambassador. It is just as well Ms Wang speaks good English, as Colchester is not the easiest place to pronounce with a Chinese accent.
We got €500,000 for the cuspadore from a rich Chinese dude in Rotterdam!
His majesty then said “OK now order the best Japanese broadcast equipment you can get – as token of my return to good health I am making peace with the Japanese after all these decades. And from Europe get us some brand news senders, for MF and Band II, and from China a satellite uplink (we already have an arrangement to use their satellites). and solar panels and batteries too, so everything runs on renewable power. But be making sure you also get the traditional grams, and at least one British soundcraft desk like that John Peel chap had, I would like to broadcast my special show of progressive rock and worldmusic to middle aged hippies and cannot be dealing with new fangled computer playout system. we can leave "robot radio" to singapore. I have instructed the Navy to redeploy the small surveillance boat we were planning to monitor North Korea with as a broadcast ship, which will be renamed “De Kwispedoor” (NL: cuspadore/spitton). With satellite upllink it can feed both our domestic senders and internet-streams, so whole world can listen.
And that was a new dawn for Radio Cigarettestan International, once all the equipment was correct deployed. Our formatting is changed to global EDM music by night, in we have King Nosmo brodcasting live from the Zoo, there is shipping news, Nature hour with Ms Wang, , DJ Motaz’s Islamic Dubstep mix, and sports – football, cricket and kabbadi updates from as far away as Southall in UK. But after our studio openingparty and a “kings Day blockparty just like in Europe” (which was in traditional fashion with crates of beer for those who were allowed and other treats for the other faiths), one problem remained.
Ms Wang said “aiyaa! Cheh! Empty beer and wine bottle in every corner, even the monkeys at zoo are tidier.”
His Majesty quickly responded.. don’t worry – gather them up and give then to the chaps at the MINDEF (ministry of defence) chemical stores.Remember we still have 200 l of fermented goat urine that Manilla eventually returned to us. Get the MINDEF boffins to decant every last drop into the wine and beer bottles, reseal them with labels that look vaguely European , put the whole lot a two crates and send it express courier market as as gift from overseas in time of austerity (with express instructions it to be shared with all) to
DAVID CAMERON MP, 10 DOWNING STREET LONDON SW1 1AA UK
BUCKINGHAM PALACE LONDON SW1 1AA UK
Maybe it might even put some hair back on the head of that poor blighter Prince William...
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PTT TELECOM OVERSEAS RADIOTELEGRAPH SERVICES
CIGARETTESTAN : HET LAND WAAR ALLES KAN
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