chathint.com I use to chat all the time . I found it awesome to chat with guys...i recommend it to everyone having fantasies about there sex life......
UK : WS Gilbert – "The Practical Joker" written in the late 19th century; many of these would get you arrested today :laugh_at:
Oh what a fund of joy jocund lies hid in harmless hoaxes!
What keen enjoyment springs
From cheap and simple things!
What deep delight from sources trite inventive humour coaxes,
That pain and trouble brew
For every one but you!
Gunpowder placed inside its waist improves a mild Havanah,
Its unexpected flash
Burns eyebrows and moustache;
When people dine no kind of wine beats ipecacuanha,
But common sense suggests
You keep it for your guests -
Then naught annoys the organ boys like throwing red-hot coppers,
And much amusement bides
In common butter-slides.
And stringy snares across the stairs cause unexpected croppers.
Coal scuttles, recollect,
Produce the same effect.
A man possessed
Of common sense
Need not invest
At great expense -
It does not call
For pocket deep,
These jokes are all
Extremely cheap.
If you commence with eighteenpence (it's all you'll have to pay),
You may command a pleasant and a most instructive day.
A good spring gun breeds endless fun, and makes men jump like rockets,
And turnip-heads on posts
Make very decent ghosts:
Then hornets sting like anything, when placed in waist-coat pockets
Burnt cork and walnut juice
Are not without their use.
No fun compares with easy chairs whose seats are stuffed with needles -
Live shrimps their patience tax
When put down people's backs -
Surprising, too, what one can do with fifty fat black beedles -
And treacle on a chair
Will make a Quaker swear!
Then sharp tin tacks
And pocket squirts -
And cobblers' wax
For ladies' skirts -
And slimy slugs
On bedroom floors -
And water jugs
On open doors -
Prepared with these cheap properties, amusing tricks to play,
Upon a friend a man may spend a most delightful day!
DE : Nazis tricked into goosestepping for bananas and anti-fascism It is untrue the Germans have no sense of humour (it takes some effort and balls of steel to do stuff like this). A friend of mine (sadly no longer with us) would have been particularly impressed as his family grew up in this region and were completely split apart by the war...
German town tricks neo-Nazis into raising thousands for charity | World news | The Guardian
Funny/interesting videos of people while tripping/stoned etc etc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7s_8QDisrPA
"And when we are together we are energy we are invicible
thats why we wanna be ninjas togther"
"I saaaaaid the answer is the means to the answer"
Friend: "What are we aware of?"
Him: "That we arent gay"
hahaha
Are farts funny all the time? C'mon we all know it can't be denied, farts are funny right? Yeah, I thought so too. So why is it some people won't fart around their partner? I personally couldn't care less and I fart when I need to fart regardless of who's around, the louder the better, exceptions being job interviews and moments of silence at a funeral. Also my partner happily lets rip in front of me so it works both ways. I know not all partnerships are this open minded though. So do you fart in your partners presence and if not why? Please help me understand this quandary.
Ps. The cloud from :love: 123
Pussy Jokes
A random find, some very good, some very poor, but as with pussy's condition dont stop you putting it in
1)
What's the definition of a tongue-twister?
A spiral pussy!
2)
What's the definition of a woman?
Life support for a vagina!
3)
What does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
They are both stuck up cunts!
4)
Why do blondes wear tampons?
Because crabs like bungee jumping too!
5)
What do you call the space between the vagina and the arsehole?
The chinrest!
6)
What do you call the useless flesh that surrounds a vagina?
The woman!
7)
What's the difference between eating pussy and driving in a snowstorm?
When you eat pussy, you can always see the arsehole in front of you!
8)
What do you get if you stuff your hand up a gypsy's cunt when she is on her period?
Your palm Red!
9)
What is the irritating part around a blonde's cunt?
The other guys waiting their turn!
10)
How do you know if you have an overbite?
If your eating pussy and it tastes like shit!
11)
Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
They both feel good, but you wonder who has been there before you!
12)
Who designed the female genitals?
The local council. Who else would put a playground right next to a sewer!
13)
What's the smallest hotel known to man?
A cunt. Because you leave your bags outside!
14)
Why do women find it hard to piss first thing in the morning?
Have you ever tried opening a toasted cheese sandwich!
15)
Little Harry walked into the bathroom and saw his mum with no clothes on standing in front of him. He looked up at her private parts and said, "What's that mum?"
His mum froze and tried to think of something to say. Finally she said, "That's where your dad hit me with an axe!"
"Good shot!" replied little Harry, "Right in the cunt!"
16)
Why do women have cunts?
So that men will speak to them!
17)
What's worse than a dead dog on your piano?
An infected pussy on your organ!
18)
Little Johnny was only six years old when he tried to feel his sister's friend's pussy. She slapped him and said not to do that because her pussy had teeth and it would bite!
Years passed and little Johnny grew into a man. He was sitting in his car with his girlfriend, rubbing her thighs and squeezing her tits, when she said, "Are you ever going to feel my pussy Johnny?"
"I can't!" replied Johnny, "All pussy's have teeth!"
"What do you mean? My pussy doesn't have teeth!" his girlfriend replied, "Look I will show you!"
Johnny's girlfriend opened her legs wide for him to see and she opened up her pussy hole as far as it would stretch.
"Your right!" said Johnny, "But I'm not surprised you have no teeth, with gums like that!"
19)
A guy visited his friend's house and saw a rubber object on the lounge, so he asked his mate what it was.
"It's an artificial pussy," his mate replied, "And it's the best fuck I have ever had!"
"Bullshit!" cackled the other guy, "A fake pussy your best screw? You gotta be joking!"
"Don't believe me? Why don't you take it home and give it a try then?" said his friend.
The guy took the fake pussy home, tried it out, and found out it was true. It was the best screw of his entire life.
Later that day, the guy's wife walked into the kitchen and saw the rubber object on the table.
"What's that?" she asked.
"It's an artificial pussy and it's the best fuck I have ever had in my life!" replied the husband
"If it's so good," asked the wife, "What is it doing in the kitchen?"
"Well," said the guy, "As soon as I teach it to cook I am going to get rid of you!"
20)
A woman was drying herself off in the shower when she suddenly slipped over and landed spread-eagled on the bathroom floor. She tried to stand up again but then she realised that she had landed so hard that her pussy had stuck to the floor, creating such a vacuum that she couldn't move.
She called out to her husband for help, and he rushed in and tried with all his strength to lift her up, but she just wouldn't budge.
So he went next door and got the neighbour. Both of them started pulling her arms with all their strength, but she just wouldn't budge, she was well and truly stuck fast!
Suddenly the neighbour said, "Why don't we just get a hammer and break the tiles around her pussy?"
"Great idea pal," said the husband, "but just let me rub her tits a little so that I can then push her over to the kitchen, the tiles are a lot cheaper in there!"
21)
What's the difference between a clit and a mobile phone?
Nothing, every cunt's got one!
22)
What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy is sweet, juicy, succulent, warm, fun and a useful thing.
The cunt is the thing that owns it!
23)
What tastes good on pie but not on pussy?
Crust!
24)
Around lunchtime Sheryl left school and headed for home, crying because her first period had started and she had no idea what it was. The girl's teacher was reluctant to get involved, so she suggested Sheryl should have a word with her mother. Suddenly she ran into little Johnny.
"Why are you crying?" asked Johnny.
"I'm crying because I am bleeding." replied Sheryl.
"Let me have a look." said little Johnny.
She lifted her skirt and showed him.
"Fucking hell!" laughed Johnny, "No wonder your bleeding, some bastard has cut your cock off!"
25)
What's the difference between menstrual blood and sand?
You can't gargle sand!
26)
Have you heard about the New Wave band called 'Toxic Shock Syndrome?'
Their new hit is called 'Ragtime!'
27)
On the eve of her wedding, the bride to be confessed to a friend that she was not a virgin.
"No problem," said the friend, "go out and buy a nice pice of liver and put it up inside you before the time comes. You'll feel nice and tight, and he will never know the difference."
So the bride went ahead with the plan, and on the wedding night the couple went crazy. They fucked on the floor, on the kitchen table, in the bathroom and in the bed.
So the bride was truly astonished when the next morning she found her husband gone. The only trace of him was a note on the bedside table that said, "I love you very much, but I have realized we can't go on like this and can never have a life together. Farewell. P.S. Your vagina is in the sink.
28)
Why do tampons have strings?
So that you can floss after you eat!
29)
What's the difference between parsley and pussy?
Nobody eats parsley!
30)
"There's a new feminine hygiene spray out at the market," confided Sandra to Denise at Denise's tupperware party. "Its's called SSY."
"Oh yeah?" replied Denise, "Why is it called that?"
"That's what you get when you take the PU out of PUSSY!"
31)
Do you know why women have cunts?
So that men will talk to them!
32)
A guy and a girl are making out in his car when the girl says, "Put your finger inside of me!"
He is only too willing to oblige.
"Put another finger inside of me!"
So he does.
"Put your whole hand inside of me!" she says, moaning in pleasure.
"Now put both hands inside of me!" she screams.
"Now clap!" she gasps.
"I can't clap!" replied the guy.
"Tight, aren't I?" she smiles.
32)
Why do women have two holes.
So that when they are drunk, you can carry them like a six pack!
33)
There was a promiscuous young couple making love in the back seat of their car. Temperatures were rising and things were getting intense, and finally the girl gasped, "Oh darling, darling, kiss me where it smells!"
So he drove her Ireland!
34)
Did you hear about the blind gynecologist?
He could read lips!
35)
Why is pubic hair curly?
You would poke your eye out if it were straight!
36)
Why don't they let women swim in the ocean anymore?
They can't get the smell out of the fish!
37)
A doctor was performing a routine gynecological examination when he suddenly found a tea bag half way inside the vagina. When he asked the patient about it,. she looked up in horror and said, "Oh my God! What could I have put in the hot water?"
38)
What's the difference between a bowling ball and a pussy?
You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!
39)
One day man in Liverpool was reading the Liverpool Echo when he saw a job vacancy for a 'Fanny shaver'. He rang the number in the newspaper and was asked some preliminary questions.
"Tell me," said the interviewer, "Do you mind shaving the pussy's of famous super models and actresses?"
"No way," replied the man, "It would be an honour!"
"Alright," said the interviewer, "Do you mind travelling all over Europe to places like Milan, Monaco and Rome?"
"No that would not be a problem!" replied the man, "I love to travel!"
"Excellent," said the interviewer, "Do you have a problem getting close to some of the most beautiful women in the world?"
"I would be fine," replied the man.
"Excellent!" said the interviewer, "Now would you be flustered or act ungentlemanly while you were shaving around their genital areas?"
"No I would not be!" replied the man, "I would be both discreet and charming!"
"Excellent!" said the interviewer, "You seem to be the ideal candidate for the job! I will send you a train ticket to Manchester."
"Great," replied the man, "Is that where my first job is, like?"
"Oh, no," replied the interviewer, "That's where the queue for the interview starts!"
40)
One day three tampons were walking down the street. A Midi, a Maxi and a Mini. Which one of the tampons speaks to you first?
None of them because they are all stuck up cunts!
41)
One day a woman went in hospital to have a baby and decided there and then that she would also have cosmetic surgery to her vagina to make it look more youthful, seeing as her gammon was dangling a bit low and looked a bit like a ripped out fireplace.
She decided that she needed a little tuck here and a nip there so it would stop looking like a badly packed kebab.
After having her baby, she was immediately taken into the operating room for her horses collar to be worked on.
After coming out of the anaesthetic she saw three roses in a vase at the base of her bed.
"Who sent me the roses?" the woman asked the nurse.
"Well," replied the nurse, "The first rose is from the surgeon, just to say thanks for making the operation go so well."
"Ohhh, that's nice," said the woman, "Who sent the other two then?"
"Well," replied the nurse, "The second rose is from your husband, seeing as you have been so brave."
"Ohhhhh, he's so sweet."said the woman, "But who sent the third rose?"
"Well," replied the nurse, "Thats from Eric in the burns unit. He just wanted to say thanks for the ears!"
42)
One day a female gynecologist decided that she wanted to become a car mechanic so she went to college for two years, studying hard and carefully preparing for her final exam.
Anyway all seemed to go well at the exam and a couple of weeks later she had her results back. She was absolutely amazed when the letter said that she had scored 150%. Thinking there must be an error she went back to the college and met her instructor.
"I think there must be a mistake on this exam result," she asked, "I have 150%, how come?"
"Well," replied the instructor, "during the examination you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50%. Then you put the engine back together effortlessly which was worth another 50%"
"But what about the other 50% I was given?" asked the gynecologist.
The instructor answered, "You were given the extra 50% because you managed to to do it all through the exhaust pipe!"
coke’s a joke i know its well known just how shitty coke is in the u.k but i didnt realise it had gotten so bad. i havnae touched the stuff for ages due to how crap it was getting and at that point had access to better things. couple of weeks ago got drunk felt the need for something extra to spice things up so got some coke, i was actually taken back at how stupid it had got. seems to be just a numbing agent these days :). let me state i wouldnt have bought this out of first choice but having not touched much drugs for a while i cant for the life of me lay my hands on anything decent.
never really liked it that much anyway but was always as a little extra charge while on other things. i know there is decent stuff out there but tbh i couldnt care any less. was a stupid drunken idea and lesson learned :
FUCK BUYING THAT AGAIN!!!12
Sex Jokes Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.
Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
A: Say, "Nice dick."
Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?
A: An itchy, twitchy ****.
Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work.
Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts.
Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
A: Because they have cotton balls.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A: A cock that stays up all night.
Q: Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday
Q: Why is being in the military like a *******?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.
Q: What is the leading cause of death with lesbians?
A: Hair balls
Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?
A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive
Q: What can Life Savers do that men cannot?
A: Come in five flavours
Q: What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
A: Crust
Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork
Q: How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
A: By sticking your finger in his honey
Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
A: Both can smell it... but they can't eat it
Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snow blower coming.
Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
A: She's withholding evidence
Q: Why is sex like a bridge game?
A: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.
Q: What does a dog do that a boy steps into?
A: A lump of ****. no wait.. pants.
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an altar boy
Q: What do you call an amish farmer with his arm halfway up his horses ***?
A: A mechanic
Q: Why did the elephant paint his balls red?
A: So he could hide in the cherry tree.
Q: What is the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: A giraffe eating cherries.
Q: Why does santa have such a big sack?
A: Cos he only comes once a year.
Q: How do you define a "tough girl"
A: She kickstarts her own vibrator, or she rolls her own tampons
Q: What do you get if you cross a nun with a computer?
A: A system that won't go down.
Funny new "how to" video! [yt]bliwrDAlX7k[/yt]
How to change diaper on a baby
Watch this hysterical new "how to" segment from dang! Learning to change a baby's diaper (on a doll of course) has never been so funny!!
Funny Stories ~_^ All drug/drink related piss funny tales in here please.
If you want to ofcourse :wink:
Let's have a laaaaarf
Short and sweet...
Ketamin, crawling through dormitory halls, being sick and believing it was the most amazing fountain ever spoken off, the drips were epic :crazy:
You get the jist....
Go oooooon!!!12
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