Party Vibe

lolz, im gonna steal that for my FB status 😛

@DaftFader 553368 wrote:

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks: “why that long face?” The horse, being a horse, thus not being able to comprehend the complexities of a conversation, says nothing and then shits on the floor.

A drunk guy saunters into the bar, slips up in the shit, and orders a drink. About a minute later somebody else walks in, slips up as well.

The first guy says “I just did that.”

The new entrant leaps up, then snarls “You dirty bastard” and punches the drunk unconscious.

Guy walks into a bar and says ‘ barman, I have fifty pounds here and I would like a shit sandwich and a pint’
The barman, baffled as he is exepts the offer and whips up a shit sandwich.
The fella comes into the bar every night for a week withthe same order. One day the guy orders the same to which the barman replies’I can give you your shit sandwich but I have a stomach bug atm and it will be very messy. ‘no problem’ replies the geazer.

The guy starts earing the sandwich and sips his pint when all of a sudden he goes ‘urgh! ‘..runs to the toilet and throws up.
‘whats the matter? Asks the barman. ‘to sloppy today?’
‘oh no’ the guy replies ‘theres a woman over there picking her nose!’

shit joke I know but I heard it on a train of drunk football fans when I was six and it stuck in my head.

it got me 15 likes !

@MR207 553424 wrote:

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple and the Holocaust?

Discovering it was a nuclear holocaust and you’ve just ingested half a radioactive worm.

@!sinner69! 553454 wrote:

There is nothing worse than running out of beer during a heatwave period

How about falling asleep sober during said heatwave and waking to find the dog licking your balls?

Yeah take that Google. Doesn’t matter how you try to divide or regulate our content I’ll still slip in random offensive material where I can on a whim.

@!sinner69! 553460 wrote:

salty balls?

Don’t know, can’t reach myself. This is why I insist my girlfriend regularly performs oral sex on me; just to check my salinity levels. No other purpose.