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June 4, 2009 at 5:33 pm

#748356
1

Digital-A

@digital-a

Member
DaftFader;331587 wrote:

well i just finished my 3rd beer for tonight (allmost went down the shop to get another one but stoped myself as i put a three beer limit on a week night). been trying not to drink at all durin the week and sucseeded for a while about 6/7 weeks (totaly quit for a month b4 the weekend drinking crept back in – one of two times i haven’t drunk that long in about seven years) . i used to smoke ALOT of weed every day since about 12 till about 17 then quit but replaced it with alchahol as a base drug and did all the treats (mdma/coke/ket mainly) on the side from about 14/15. i’m 23 now so as i said have been drinking allmost every day for roughly 7 years. it’s only been in the last year or two i have realised that it’s a fucking mountain of a problem! what i find the hardest when tring to quit or cut down is that after i have got so far i tend to forget the reasons i stoped drinking .. or they arn’t so apparent .. and that makes it so fucking easy just to slip back into old habits. atm i am probably drinking 3-4 nights a week 2-3 beers .. and mby upto 30 in total over the weekend (if i am not going out) i used to be on a ltr of voddy a day some times more when i was back in college when i was 18. what’s shown me that it’s a problem is alianating alot of people around me to the point i lost a few good friends and nearly one of my two best friends (the other is as much an alchy as me so is normaly too pissed to notice if i am playing up or is the same as me and falling about everywhere with me – this doesn’t help when tring to quit). i now have got to the point where i just can’t go on like this anymore .. i have a job and a lone and rent to pay and i can’t fuck it up .. i have been a functioning alchoholic for the most part .. but i know how easy it can be to step over that line and just fuck it all off to get pissed as have been there quite a few times b4 .. i think i have got enought respect for my self now to not mess things up this time and have got responsabilitys that i respect also and am not gonna fuck up. this has helped me focus .. and focusing is what you are gonna need to help you quit. now i haven’t quit yet totaly .. so my advise may not be from the best place as i may be wrong in what i am doing … all i know is that it’s what’s helping me atm and for me that’s good enough for now. also what helped me for a bit (i gave it up now just cos i can be a lasy fuck at times) is sport /hobbys … if i got something to do that doesn’t envolve alcahol like badminton or the likes (pref something where there isn’t any alchahol alowed like a sports center or paintball).

hope this is of some help to you … i will think of more things that might help another time as it getting late and i really should goto bed… hope it all works out for you .. and don’t ever stop trying!

im so glad your getting through bro, you sound so much like me and i understand but a very well done and keep it up!

drinking is such a weird thing, its crazy .. my friends i think have always seen me drink with them but its the drinking alone that is the part which gets me looking and thinking ”mmm .. if i was my liver i would hate me right now” at the end of the day it really is my vice, k was it when i had serious problems and was like a blanket to me .. where as booze when i think back has been something ive always turned to and when i really think .. for a very long time. My grandad i found out was an alcoholic not in the years i knew him but when my dad was growing up, and now i grow older its strange when people say i am the spitting image of him, not relating to booze, as my extended family do not no, but with my character, attitude but even my smile. What scares me is he died at the age of 66, although due to lung cancer (and i smoke :yakk:) it really has upset, scared and do a serious amout of reflecting. Your right DF, i do need focus .. i no i am providing for myself and getting and very happy i am staying away from the K .. currently looking jobs in healthcare and just hoping i can get out of my current one and into something i can actually apply myself to .. lets just hope interviews go well eh!

Again, well done for helping your headspace DF .. i understand where your coming from and you yourself .. good luck!

Tommo
June 4, 2009 at 5:47 pm

#748357
1

Digital-A

@digital-a

Member
right here we go .. first entry.

Went to work this morning, woke up last night and had a can of stella next to the bed .. it was 4am yet still appetising!? Had it, then the age old feeling of ”why did i do that?” .. quickly followed by ”shit, another thing telling me this isnt right .. again closely followed by ”ah well” my next thought was ”for fucks sake”. People at work have been commenting on how i look, dont get me wrong not in a harsh way they just ask if im ok and feel run down. they say i look tired .. i tell them im not sleeping well. Work was bleak, for some reason getting shouted at .. told your shit at your job and verbally spat on by members of the public doesnt help things .. ive always known that hating my job and being stressed with other parts of my life hasnt helped things although since coming back from frenchtek and not living with my brother, the support gone, i definatly feel more alone, a major reason why i drink. for most of the day all i can really think about is booze. I got home at 5.30pm and smoked and stuck on an episode of American dad to try and take my mind off things, i go to the shop at 6.15pm. ive bought a half bottle of vodka and a couple of cheap power’thingy drinks, felt instantly better .. got a little left now but nearly quarter to 7 and the cravings have long gone .. finally for the first time since yesterday after work, im smiling. Im meeting up with the guy i am doing tunes with tonight, after already drinking before i see him i no more will follow later, as im writing this im thinking ‘thats not good’ .. another part says ‘nevermind’ . Lets see what tomorrow brings ..
June 4, 2009 at 5:55 pm

#748345
6

General Lighting

@general-lighting

Moderator
Staff
fair play for sharing this…

however (over)optimistic many of us try to be, the reality is the feds have really clamped down hard on the party/drugs culture and a lot of us are substituting booze for drugs. I know I have been guilty of it myself in recent times, but precisely because I usually drink alone and when I drink socially or do any drugs I can still keep my guard up (i.e. not act like a muppet too much!) people often don’t even realise how trashed I am sometimes..

I’m lucky because I’m older and got a career and a reasonable job where I am valued so that helps loads, but I still have to watch myself….
June 4, 2009 at 6:10 pm

#748343
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
Digital-A;331722 wrote:

finally for the first time since yesterday after work, im smiling. Im meeting up with the guy i am doing tunes with tonight, after already drinking before i see him i no more will follow later, as im writing this im thinking ‘thats not good’ .. another part says ‘nevermind’ . Lets see what tomorrow brings ..

this is why alchahol is soo fucking dangerous … it’s an emotional depresant in the long run .. but can act almost as a stimulant and uplift you some times (especialy if you not been drinking and are kinda clucking)… and the worst part is .. even if your sober mind would know your making a mistake .. your pissed mind is so depressed (as in numbed) you just dont care and do it anyway .. leading to more of the same .. this is why i try not to drink more than 3 on a week night as if i drink more i will start to actualy get drunk and then just think “fuck it” and end up getting even more drunk … it’s a very thin line i am walking atm .. it only takes one or two too many for me to get on an all out binge
June 4, 2009 at 8:39 pm

#748362
1

wickle

@wickle

Member
ketamine helped me to stop my daily drinking habbit, unfortunately the ket braught upon a whole new addiction in itself, i think some of us just need to replace one bad habbit with another, its like its in are blood, try and replace ur drinking with something good like excrecise or finding a girlfriend.
the fact ur holding down ur job has to be applaused.
keep us updated with ur progress mate. things will get better
June 5, 2009 at 8:51 am

#748347
1

process

@process

Member
goodluck and thanks for writing this. I hope your feeling better soon. :love:
June 28, 2009 at 11:09 am

#748358
1

Digital-A

@digital-a

Member
Right e ho its been ages since my last entry .. being the first :S after a couple of weeks things have improved ive brought my consumption down to a little or none a day but there have been times when ive got calm in bedroom to the till in the shop in about 5 seconds. Ive noticed that my consumption is a lot to do with boredom, the feeling of going no where, lonliness and sense that everything is to much .. my actual situation hasnt changed, same house, same job etc etc but i would advise to anybody suffering like this with booze or drugs or whatever to have a goal on the side which you can take your mind of it with .. over the last couple of weeks its been the demo, focusing and thinking about what we can be doing with our music in half a year, year and so on .. also, it gets easy to stay in and get into the habit of locking yourself away, not good .. as it just makes things worse, advice again would be to have a goal .. to go round and see a mate or get out the mega drive and invite some people over. i noticed that when im around people i dont drink as much, still some .. but hey.

ive decided to carry on with this diary not on a daily basis but weekly, i feel then it would be easier to go through and see a pattern .. this is more self help than anything but as previously mentioned if it could help anyone, id be happy ..

catch you all on the flipside, tommo 😀
June 28, 2009 at 12:31 pm

#748363
1

joshd96320

@joshd96320

Member
glad to see your doing well, take it easy 🙂
June 28, 2009 at 12:50 pm

#748344
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
good to hear your finding a way round this mate … it gets a bit easyer once you feel you know that you have a way out 😉
June 28, 2009 at 1:40 pm

#748352
1

Tank Girl

@tank-girl

Member
Digital-A;337089 wrote:

Right e ho its been ages since my last entry .. being the first :S after a couple of weeks things have improved ive brought my consumption down to a little or none a day but there have been times when ive got calm in bedroom to the till in the shop in about 5 seconds. Ive noticed that my consumption is a lot to do with boredom, the feeling of going no where, lonliness and sense that everything is to much .. my actual situation hasnt changed, same house, same job etc etc but i would advise to anybody suffering like this with booze or drugs or whatever to have a goal on the side which you can take your mind of it with .. over the last couple of weeks its been the demo, focusing and thinking about what we can be doing with our music in half a year, year and so on .. also, it gets easy to stay in and get into the habit of locking yourself away, not good .. as it just makes things worse, advice again would be to have a goal .. to go round and see a mate or get out the mega drive and invite some people over. i noticed that when im around people i dont drink as much, still some .. but hey.

ive decided to carry on with this diary not on a daily basis but weekly, i feel then it would be easier to go through and see a pattern .. this is more self help than anything but as previously mentioned if it could help anyone, id be happy ..

catch you all on the flipside, tommo 😀

:group_hug:group_hug
June 28, 2009 at 3:46 pm

#748361
1

p0ly

@p0ly

Participant
Digital-A;337089 wrote:

get out the mega drive and invite some people over.

raaaraaaraaa
June 30, 2009 at 1:20 pm

#748348
1

process

@process

Member
good to hear your sortin it out mate, see you at glade! :bounce_flash:
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