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    • Staff

      Knock Knock

      Who’s there !

      Figs !

      Figs who ?

      Figs the doorbell, it’s broken


        Staff

        What’s the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?

        a knife has a point.


          Staff

          Why do women fake orgasms ?

          Because they think men care.

          Why shouldn’t you laugh when you see a ginger pussy?
          Because it might be my cousin you nasty people. [ATTACH=CONFIG]86701[/ATTACH]

          I don’t know why people keep getting worked up about immigration..

          All my neighbours are English
          All the kids in the local school are English
          All the local shops are owned and run by English people

          I love it here in Spain.


            Staff

            There was a black man and his son on a transatlantic flight when the pilot came on the PA and told the passengers that unless they offloaded some weight they would not make it.
            The pilot advised that he was dumping all the luggage and cargo.

            Shortly after that the pilot came back on and said that this was not enough and that people would have to jump to there death to save all the other passengers.
            After no one volunteered he stated that they would start alphabetically by race starting with the A’s.

            The pilot said, “All the African Americans must get off the plane!” The boy stood up and his father pulled him back to his seat and said, “Sit down!”

            Next the pilot came on the PA and said, “all the blacks need to get off the plane!” Again the boy stood up and the father pulled him back once again and said, “Not yet boy!”

            “Now all the colored people!”, said the pilot and once again the boy got up and again his father pulled him back in his seat.

            The boy finally said, “Dad how come we are not jumping from the plane the pilot called us three times?”

            The father said, “He has not called us. Today we are Niggers and that is right after the Mexicans!

            knock knock

            there’s no answer because the occupant of the house is dead

            Similar to Angels joke but anyway.
            A plane is flying over the Atlantic when 3 of the 4 engines die.
            Pilot bcomes over the tannoy and says we’ve lost a lot of power and need to lose weight so we are going to dump all your luggage.
            Few minutes later the pilot makes another announcement that more wieght needeed to be lost so he told everyone to unbolt their seats and dump them.
            Shortly after that the pilot says we still need to lose more weight and as everything else has already gone, we need to lose some passengers. We thought hard about the fairest way to choose which passengers and decided alphabetically was the dairest way, so could all the Asians, blacks and Chinks move to the front of the plane.

            Scientists have announced that eating bacon sharpens your sense of humour.

            “Which also helps explain Jews, Muslims and vegetarians,” they added.

            A young man decides to tell his mother that he’s gay.

            Upon hearing this news his mother asks, “Doesn’t that mean you put other men’s penises in your mouth?”

            The son sheepishly replies, “Well…yeah.”

            His mother looks him in the eyes and says, “Good, then I don’t ever want to hear you complain about my cooking ever again.”

            What did 1 saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
            If we don’t get some support soon, people are gonna think we’re nuts.

            I’m turning Rastafarian, but I’m worried about the stress it will put on my hair…

            I’m dreading it.

            My wife was watching Loose Women earlier when the competition question came on, it was:

            Complete this saying ‘Strike when the iron is…’
            A) Hot
            B) Cold
            C) Warm

            I have now written a full letter of complaint to ITV asking why the correct answer of ‘not on’ was not listed.


              Staff

              Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?

              Because if they all went, it would be called hell.

              :lol_big:

              Thought only 10% WANTED to go inj case their wives were already up there?

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            Forums The Vibe Jokes & Comedy Bad Joke Thread