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  • How do you make a little boy cry twice?
    You wipe your hard, bloody cock on their teddybear.

    @warrior1986 570506 wrote:

    How do you make a little boy cry twice?
    You wipe your hard, bloody cock on their teddybear.

    Sooooooo, you’re a catholic priest then?

    Wanted to be a nun but they’ve got bad habits…

    Told this before but as you’re new, how do you get a nun pregnant?
    Dress her as an altar boy.

    A Cockney school boy limps into the class room.

    “what’s wrong with you?” Asked the teacher.

    “It’s my Ankle, miss” He replied

    “That would explain your bad leg then”

    “Nah miss, it’s my Ankle Terry – he faahkin’ raped me!”

    Angel told me this one
    I hadn’t realised just how unkempt my pubic hair had become until I went for a pee earlier, undid my flies, and had the image of giving birth to Jeremy Clarkson flash through my mind

    A Croydon hairdresser has left his salon to join the Kurdish fight against ISIS.

    Wow, the lengths a hairdresser will go to in order to prove he’s not gay.


      Staff

      @Tryptameanie 570586 wrote:

      Angel told me this one
      I hadn’t realised just how unkempt my pubic hair had become until I went for a pee earlier, undid my flies, and had the image of giving birth to Jeremy Clarkson flash through my mind

      :laugh_at::laugh_at:

      I was watching porn with the missus and she complained “This is so unrealistic.”
      I said, “Just because you’re unwilling to try new things, doesn’t mean everyone’s that frigid.”
      “Not that,” she explained, “It’s just the plumbers that come to our house have tiny cocks.”


        Staff

        A husband and wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer.
        The husband, “Put ‘MYPE@NIS’ ” and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause on screen was error,
        “Error. Not long enough.”


          Staff

          A woman’s husband had been coming in and out of a coma for many months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

          As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.

          When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.

          When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support.

          When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?”

          “What dear?” She asked gently.

          “I think you bring me bad luck.”

          @Angel 570598 wrote:

          A woman’s husband had been coming in and out of a coma for many months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

          As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.

          When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.

          When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support.

          When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?”

          “What dear?” She asked gently.

          “I think you bring me bad luck.”

          Yay Angel, that’s a goo one 🙂


            Staff

            A man walks into a diner, goes up to the counter, and orders a bowl a chili.
            The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili, for a while.
            ‘Are you going to eat that?’ the first man asked. ‘No, you can have it if you want,’ the second man answered.
            So he took the bowl and started eating. About halfway through the bowl, he was chewing and felt a crunch.
            The man looked down, and saw half of a rat sitting in the chili. He immediately threw all of it up, back into the bowl.
            The second man said, “Yeah, thats about as far as I got too.”

            I walked in from work this evening to find my slag of a wife lying on the couch, naked, with her legs in the air, sliding a coat hanger in and out of her pussy.

            “Oh for fuck’s sake, you whore!” I said. “Have some fucking dignity about yourself and at least use a fucking dildo or something.”

            “Oh piss off, Dave,” she snapped. “What do you think I’m looking for?”


              Staff

              How are Princess Diana and Pink Floyd alike?

              Their last greatest hit was the wall.

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