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  • Apparently, the Popemobile has 3 inch thick bullet-proof glass.

    There’s fucking faith for you.


      Staff

      Josey wasn’t the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question.
      “Who is the creator of the universe?” Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up.
      Josey jumped and yelled, “God almighty!” The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question,
      “Tell me who is our lord and savior?” Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, “Jesus Christ!” The teacher congratulated her again.
      Later on the teacher asked, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?”
      Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, “If you stick that thing in me again, I’ll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!”

      Why don’t Catholics use condoms?

      Because little boys can’t get pregnant.

      Johnny goes to confession and says, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.”
      The priest ask, “Is that you, little Johnny Babineaux?
      “Yes, Father it is.”
      “And who was the woman you were with?”
      Johnny says, “I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”
      “Well, Johnny, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Comeaux?”
      “I cannot say.”
      “Was it Teresa Thibodeaux?”
      “I’ll never tell.”
      “Was it Nina Olivier?”
      “I’m sorry but I cannot name her.”
      “Was it Cathy Prejean?”
      “My lips are sealed.”
      “Was it Rosa Prudhomme, then?”
      “Please, Father,” Johnny pleaded, “I cannot tell you.”
      The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, Johnny Babineaux and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot attend church services for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”
      Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Jack slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”
      Johnny replies, “Four months vacation and five good leads…”

      Lets not forget the jooz
      Hitler walks into the meeting room and turns to his trusted staff.
      “I want you to organise the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”
      Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Führer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”
      Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”

      There is safety in numbers’

      Unless there are 6,000,000 of you.

      And you are all Jews.


        Staff

        The teacher asked Jimmy, “Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?”
        Jimmy replied crying, “Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, ‘I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'”


          Staff

          A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
          The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.
          In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit.
          After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”
          This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”
          The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
          In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”
          “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

          I’ve recently joined my local boxing club and the trainer there suggested that I tried skipping to get fitter.

          After doing this for an hour, he handed me a rope and said, “Use this. You won’t look as gay”

          You been on the coffee angel?


            Staff

            Yes!

            You wouldn’t want me here without coffee :lol_big:


              Staff

              [ATTACH=CONFIG]86837[/ATTACH]

              @Angel 571923 wrote:

              [ATTACH=CONFIG]86837[/ATTACH]

              I can believe that lol.


                Staff

                A man went to his psychiatrist and said, “Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye,”
                The psychiatrist said, “well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”

                @Angel 571925 wrote:

                A man went to his psychiatrist and said, “Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye,”
                The psychiatrist said, “well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”

                I can’t believe it was a man.


                  Staff

                  Why are men are like coffee?

                  The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!

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