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Forums The Vibe Jokes & Comedy Bad Joke Thread

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  • Well worth reading Angel, thanks very much.

    A married couple are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the wife gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car.

    She says, “Look, it’s shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?”

    Her husband replies, “Put it between your legs to keep it warm.”

    She asks, “What about the smell?”

    He says, “Hold its nose.”

    I just saw a Nazi drive past me at 88 mph.

    Probably going Back to the Führer.

    Whenever my wife goes to the supermarket I always tell her to park in the disabled space.

    After watching her spend 20 minutes trying to reverse into it, nobody is going to question her.

    Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.

    I phoned my wife earlier. “I’m just setting off from work, do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?”

    It was met with a stony silence. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

    I suggested to my girlfriend she should try masturbating with fruit and vegetables.

    She went fucking bananas.

    First God tells us to go forth and multiply, then he tells us not to commit adultery, then a virgin gives birth to his son.

    I really don’t think he has a fucking clue what he’s talking about.

    I’m so fed up with Africans always begging for aid.

    Can’t they see we’ve got enough on our plates?

    John Cleese has caused controversy by saying ‘You can’t tell jokes about Muslims because they’ll kill you.’

    I for one applaud his honesty. . . . . and offer my sincerest condolences to his family.

    The federal government is trying to decide whether The FBI, the CIA, or the Los Angeles Police Department is the most effective at apprehending criminals. The issue is to be decided with a test – a rabbit is put in a forest and each organization has to find it.
    The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
    The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
    The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!

    A recent survey has shown that 43% of women have used vibrators…

    The other 57% bought them new.

    cheeky

    I’ve just been fired by Pepsi.

    I tested positive for Coke.

    i wish it worked the other way where you could get fired from coke for testin positive for pepsi

    don’t drink soda myself, its the devil

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Forums The Vibe Jokes & Comedy Bad Joke Thread