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  • Haha, this thread never gets old! XD

    Christ, the jokes here. I have said it before, I will say it again. Brilliant stuff!

    These two fat lads with tits have moved in next door to me.

    I told them to piss off cos I’d heard that a couple of lesbians were interested in it.


      Staff

      She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

      She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.

      “What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room…. “Why are you down here at this time of night!?”

      The husband looks up from his drink, “It’s the 20th Anniversary of the day we met.”

      She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

      The husband continues, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15,” he said solemnly.

      Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

      “Yes, I do” she replies.

      The husband pauses……. The words were not coming easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

      “Yes, I remember” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

      The husband continued. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?'”

      “I remember that, too” she replied softly…

      He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, “I would have gotten out today.”

      ……….

      LMAO :laugh_at::laugh_at: I know how he must be feeling. Probably a suicide risk now lol.


        Staff

        What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
        If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.


          Staff

          What is Grammar?

          The difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit.


            Staff

            A teacher writes on a chalkboard the sentence: “A woman without her man is nothing”

            The teacher then asks the boys to punctuate it properly, and they all write: “A woman, without her man, is nothing”

            The teacher asks the girls to punctuate it and they write: “A woman: without her, man is nothing”

            happened at the Danish Feminine School of Lunacy didn’t it? Think I read about that and I thought “yep, that sounds about right” hahahhaa

            @Angel 576881 wrote:

            A teacher writes on a chalkboard the sentence: “A woman without her man is nothing”

            The teacher then asks the boys to punctuate it properly, and they all write: “A woman, without her man, is nothing”

            The teacher asks the girls to punctuate it and they write: “A woman: without her, man is nothing”

            a woman without herman is nothing

            In various parts of the Middle East, a woman without her man is normally stoned to death.

            Abdul Ali was seriously injured in a car crash & he has been on life support.

            Today his family had to make an agonizing decision.

            They closed the shop to visit him…….

            I tried to text my girlfriend last night to say ‘sorry babe. I can’t come over tonight. I have to work. I’ll see you next week’

            After I sent it I read it back and it said ‘Susan, I don’t see this relationship working. I am going to dump you in a public place next week. We won’t see each other until a night out in three months when we will have some drunken sex and both feel horrible the morning after.’

            I had fucking predictive text on.

            if only predictive text worked that well

            Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.


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            Forums The Vibe Jokes & Comedy Bad Joke Thread