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That was a very uncharacteristic one word answer for you angel. Sounds like you might have heard that one before.
Feel bad for telling a joke that had a sad effect on you, almost. Dunno whats come over me as I usually feed on others misery.
I ended a long term relationship the other day.
Wasn’t that bothered, it wasn’t mine.
A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home. One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled.
The guy limps up to the stoner and says “Call me an ambulance!” The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, “You’re an ambulance!”
@Angel 577083 wrote:
A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home. One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled.
The guy limps up to the stoner and says “Call me an ambulance!” The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, “You’re an ambulance!”
Groan.
A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast.
I’ll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I’ll be done.
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but “Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn’t even have enough time to undressed himself.” So she agrees.
Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened?
She responds, “The Bastard used coins I’m still picking and he is still fucking!”
Was talking to a bloke in the pub the other night who works in the local bacon factory. He told me a bloke had been sacked for sticking hos cock in the fucking bacon slicer. Fucking hell. I said, what happened to the bacon slicer?
She got sacked as well, he said.
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love.
All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina.
The woman started screaming “Oh my god, help me, there’s a bee in my vagina!”
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said “Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit.”
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife’s vagina.
The doctor said “OK, what I’m gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife’s vagina.
When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife’s vagina.
The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said “Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it.”
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady’s vagina.
After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, “I don’t think the bee has noticed the honey yet.
Perhaps I should go a bit deeper.” So the doctor went deeper and deeper.
After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement. S
he began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady’s breasts and started making loud noises. The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, “Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you’re doing?”
The doctor, still concentrating, replied, “Change of plan. I’m gonna drown the bastard!”
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love.
All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina.
The woman started screaming “Oh my god, help me, there’s a bee in my vagina!”
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said “Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit.”
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife’s vagina.
The doctor said “OK, what I’m gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife’s vagina.
When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife’s vagina.
The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said “Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it.”
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady’s vagina.
After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, “I don’t think the bee has noticed the honey yet.
Perhaps I should go a bit deeper.” So the doctor went deeper and deeper.
After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement. S
he began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady’s breasts and started making loud noises. The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, “Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you’re doing?”
The doctor, still concentrating, replied, “Change of plan. I’m gonna drown the bastard!”
LMAO, I was chuckling half way through reading that to begin with :sign0020:
The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.
The man decided, “What the hell, I’ll try it,” He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it.
He couldn’t do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open.
He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway.
He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to play with his unit.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to the big finish, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.
Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, “What?” He heard, “This is the police. What’s going on down there?”
The man replied, “I’m checking out the rear axle, it’s busted.” Came the reply, “Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you’re down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.”
:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:
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Forums › The Vibe › Jokes & Comedy › Bad Joke Thread