Bad Joke Thread

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

AAARRTRGGGHHHHH Angel. That’s a punchline to a joke I’ve been saving for ages waiting for a good time lol.
I can tell somones done it to your curtains before though, and not the beef curtains.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

“Oh my God!” my wife exclaimed breathlessly. “What are you actually doing?”

“It’s a new oral sex technique I read about,” I winked at her. “You put your tongue on the clitoris and then place a vibrator under your tongue. Best orgasm ever apparently. So…what do you think?”

She nodded, “Well, the dog certainly seems to be enjoying it.”

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

Women say they like tall men.

But I’m probably at least 6’4 in these stilettos and not a single girl in this bar has approached me yet.

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency: “Our largest condom factory has exploded,” the Russian President cried. “My people’s favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!” “Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,” replied the President. “I do need your help” said Putin. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?” “Why certainly! I’ll get right on it,”said Bush. “Oh, and one more small favor, please?” said Putin. “Yes?” “Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?” said Putin. “No problem,” replied the President.
Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for anything.
George hung up and called the President of a condom company.
“I need a favor, you’ve got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia.”
“Consider it done,” said the president of the condom company. “Great!
Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10″ long and 4″ wide.” “Easily done. Anything else?” “Yeah,” said the President, “print ‘Made in America, size small’ on each one!”

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency: “Our largest condom factory has exploded,” the Russian President cried. “My people’s favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!” “Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,” replied the President. “I do need your help” said Putin. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?” “Why certainly! I’ll get right on it,”said Bush. “Oh, and one more small favor, please?” said Putin. “Yes?” “Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?” said Putin. “No problem,” replied the President.
Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for anything.
George hung up and called the President of a condom company.
“I need a favor, you’ve got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia.”
“Consider it done,” said the president of the condom company. “Great!
Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10″ long and 4″ wide.” “Easily done. Anything else?” “Yeah,” said the President, “print ‘Made in America, size small’ on each one!”

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

@Angel 577101 wrote:

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency: “Our largest condom factory has exploded,” the Russian President cried. “My people’s favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!” “Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,” replied the President. “I do need your help” said Putin. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?” “Why certainly! I’ll get right on it,”said Bush. “Oh, and one more small favor, please?” said Putin. “Yes?” “Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?” said Putin. “No problem,” replied the President.
Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for anything.
George hung up and called the President of a condom company.
“I need a favor, you’ve got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia.”
“Consider it done,” said the president of the condom company. “Great!
Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10″ long and 4″ wide.” “Easily done. Anything else?” “Yeah,” said the President, “print ‘Made in America, size small’ on each one!”

That would be even more hilarious if it was in any way believable that George Bush could ever have come up with something as clever as that lol.

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

One night, a couple is in the bed and the husband smoothly caresses their wife’s arm…
the wife is turned and she tells him: I’m sorry but I have an appointment with the ginecologist tomorrow and I want to be fresh.
The husband, rejected, turns back to his bed side and tries to sleep…
Some minutes later it turns again and it uncovers her wife again ,he whispers to her: Have you an appointment with the dentist tomorrow too?

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him,
“Major, when was the last time you had sex?”
“1956,” was his reply. “No wonder you look so uptight!” she exclaimed.
“Major, you need to get out more!” “I’m not sure I understand you,” he answered, glancing at his watch, ”It’s only 2014 now.”

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

LMAO. I shall remember that one, that will probably come in handy one day lol :biggreen:

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

Americans aren’t allowed to drink alcohol until the age of 21, but they can drive cars and buy guns at age 18.

For some reason, they have the highest rate of liquor store robberies in the world.

Duh.

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

Q: “What is the difference between like and love?”

A: “Spit and swallow.”

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

What’s a man’s ultimate embarrassment?

Walking into a wall with an erection and hurting his nose.

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

The three words most hated by men during sex: ‘Are you done?’

The three words most hated by women during sex, ‘Honey, I’m home!’

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

A man is out shopping when he discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.
He buys a pack and shows his wife.
‘They’re in three colours,’ he tells her, ‘Gold, silver and bronze.’ ‘So what colour are you going to wear tonight?’ she asks.
‘Gold of course,’ replies the man. ‘Why don’t you wear silver?’ replies his wife.
‘It would be nice if you came second for a change!’

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

They aren’t jokes, they’re your own experiences lol.

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