Bad Joke Thread

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, “Ain’t no use knockin’! There’s no paper on this side either!”

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

Why did Hitler kill himself?
The Jews sent him a gas bill!

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

:head_bang

[ATTACH=CONFIG]87133[/ATTACH]

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

So glad you’ve honoured us with your presence Angel 🙂

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

Even without coffee?

:sign0095:

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

Even without coffee lol, probably helps being in a different country though lol.

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

Lucky you :cyclop_1::cyclop_2::cyclop_1:

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

Doesn’t seem like it sometimes 🙁

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn’t swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, “Do you need help, sir?” The preacher calmly said “No, God will save me.” A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, “Hey, do you need help?” The preacher replied again, “No God will save me.” Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, “Why didn’t you save me?” God replied, “Fool, I sent you two boats!”

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

My wife treats me like a god…

She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I learnt 2 interesting facts today.

1. You can fit 36 biros into a human anus.
2. I need to get a girlfriend.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

At the ferry port, I opened the back of a lorry and found two dozen Syrians hiding amongst the boxes.

Cowering, one told me in poor English, “We just want better life. We don’t like the poverty, the hardship.”

“Too right, mate,” I said. “Hull’s a right shithole! Move over, I’m coming with you on the boat to Amsterdam.”

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I was getting a hand job off my new girlfriend when I asked, “How are you so good at this?”

“Years of practice,” she replied.

“Bit of a player in your day?” I laughed.

“No, I used to be a dude.”

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

:sign0020:

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16.

I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.

She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, “No, this is my first time.”

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

“Just a minute.” she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.

Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.
“Do these excite you?” she asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was shake my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.

As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her knickers and sat down at a desk.
“Well, come on,” she said, “we don’t have much time.”

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW. I was done within a few minutes.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown, “Did you put that condom on?” she asked.

I said, “I sure did.” and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.

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