Bad Joke Thread

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I asked my wife, “What’s your opinion on the state of English football?”

“Its shit,” she replied, “absolute crap.”

“More than likely,” I said, “but let’s hear it anyway.”

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I hate it when people say that all Asian people look the same, it’s just not true.

As an Asian myself, I can tell you that my sister has a much larger cock.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I’m sure good looking lesbians look at fat lesbians and give them no chance.

Until they see their fingers.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

Any lesbians care to comment on how true the above is?

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I was following a young girl down a dark alley last night.
She suddenly noticed me behind her, so I said, “Don’t worry, I’m not a rapist, I’m just walking home.”
“That’s what a rapist would say,” she replied.

Turned out it was.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

New Year’s resolution- Date more models.

Revised- Date more.

Revised again- Get a date.

Revised one last time- Stop crying whilst masturbating.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

Just saw on the news that some poor bastard was trapped in a room full of Australians.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

A black man walks into a petrol station and says to the cashier, “Gimme all the money in the till or I’ll blow you away!”

The cashier says, “But you haven’t got a gun!”

The black man says, “Sorry, force of habit. Pump number four, please.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said “Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians”.

“Indeed we are”, replied the Canadian gentleman.

“I hope you won’t mind my asking,” said the Brit, “but what do the two red bars on your flag represent?”

“Well,” replied the Canadian gentlman, “one of the bars stands for the courage and hardiness of our people in settling the cold expanses and broad prairies of our country. The other is for the honesty and integrity for which Canadians are known.”

The Brit mulled this over and nodded. Having poor eyesight at his advanced age, and not being familiar with maple leaves, he then asked, “And what’s that six-pointed item in the middle of your flag?”

“Oh, that’s to remind us of the six words of our national motto,” the Canadian lady piped up.

The Brit asked, “And what are those six words?” The Canadian smiled and replied, “They are ‘Don’t blame us – we’re not Americans.'”

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

Apparently 2% of black Africans are obese.

The other 98% are still in Africa.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I got my wife some Bristol Cream for Christmas.

But she won’t let me rub it on them.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

Reports from Bangladesh following the recent cyclone say the stench of bodies is unbearable. They added that it will get worse now people have started dying.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

Not long after they moved in, my neighbour asked me to keep my eye on her kids.

Well she didn’t ask, but with them being black, I thought I’d better.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I told my doctor, “My girlfriend thinks I’m paranoid.”

“What do you want me to do?” he asked.

I said, “Stop having sex with her.”

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

How many American tourists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifteen. Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on “how funny-looking” local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don’t come out.

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