Bad Joke Thread

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

UKIP has apologised for a member’s tweet which said the death of an Asian police officer under investigation in the Rotherham abuse scandal was “karma”.

A spokesman said, “We want to make it clear we will not tolerate Buddhism in our ranks.”

My Asian wife has stopped me using airplane sounds when feeding the baby.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I never do well with women, they always want to hug, cuddle and pillow talk after sex.

I just like to slam the boot shut, and push the car into the river.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

“There’s actually little data to show that Asian children are any smarter than children of other races. It’s really just a matter of perception, as I concluded from my research.”

Said my Chinese neighbour’s three-year-old son.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I lost my virginity for a pound today.

I should never have bent down to pick it up.

i got chatting to a lass in a club who said “i’m sick of men agreeing with everything i say just cos i’ve got big tits”

I said “yeah i hate that.”

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water.
If it sinks: girl ant
If it floats: boy ant

You can accurately measure a woman’s intelligence level by giving her a simple prostate exam.
If she lets you, she’s thick as fuck.

[1 portmanteau @portmanteau Member]

Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher are to release a joint autobiography about their time at Liverpool. No title yet.

[1 Garoldeep Singh @garoldeep-singh Member]

@portmanteau 588267 wrote:

Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher are to release a joint autobiography about their time at Liverpool. No title yet.

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[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

You can accurately measure a woman’s intelligence level by giving her a simple prostate exam.
If she lets you, she’s thick as fuck.

[1 Garoldeep Singh @garoldeep-singh Member]

@portmanteau 588267 wrote:

Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher are to release a joint autobiography about their time at Liverpool. No title yet.

[ATTACH=CONFIG]87811[/ATTACH]

[1 portmanteau @portmanteau Member]

So Steven Gerrard’s birthday falls on the same day as the FA Cup final.
What a cracking send off it would be if someone could get him a ticket.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me while he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

What’d the difference between Noahs Ark and Facebook?
There was less shit on Noahs Ark

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I sat there with a smile on my face as my girlfriend wrapped her hand around it and started to tug at it. An even bigger smile when she gave it a little wiggle and started moving it around. I couldn’t contain myself when she started using two hands, so I eventually laughed out:

“Here, love, I’ll change gear for you.”

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

It seems like that we will soon be able to produce hearts for transplants grown in pigs.

What absolutely fantastic news! I can’t wait to get home and tell my seriously ill neighbour, Mohammed.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

It seems like that we will soon be able to produce hearts for transplants grown in pigs.

What absolutely fantastic news! I can’t wait to get home and tell my seriously ill neighbour, Mohammed.

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