how do you know if a blonde has been in your fridge? there’s lipstick on the cucumbers
why do blondes take the pill? to remind them what day it is.
what kind of kids do gingers have? puppies
if a man is in the woods and there’s no one around to hear him, is he still wrong? yes
little jimmy came home from school to show his dad what he had written about when he wanted to grow up.
“i want to be a trumpet player AND a father!” little jimmy said. his father replied, “you can’t have it both ways son.”
what’s worse than sucking 12 oysters out of your grandma’s twat? sucking out 13 after you’ve already put in 12
a black guy, a mexican and a white guy are walking along the beach when they come across a genie lamp. the white guy rubs it and a genie appears saying that each person has one wish. the black guy says, “i wish that all my homies could be back in africa with my family!” genie says poof and all the black people are back in africa. the mexican then says, “ok well then i want all of mi amigos back in mexico!” genie says poof and all the mexicans are gone. “what is your wish?” the genie asks the white guy. he looks around and says, “so you mean to tell me that all the blacks are back in africa and all the mexicans are back in mexico?” the genie nods and the white guys says, “ok…i guess i’ll have a coke then.”
other terms for masturbating:
-downloading from your own website
-releasing the hostages
-jerkin your gerkin
-beating the bishop
-spanking your monkey
-flickin the bean
-polishing your sword
a guy gets pulled over for speeding on a bridge. cop walks up to his window and he rolls it down expecting the usual, ID and registration.
the cop says, “why were you driving so fast man?”
the guy sighs and says, “i’m late for my job. sorry.”
the cop says, “well what do you do for a living?”
the guy says, “i’m a butthole stretcher.”
the cop laughs and says, “what is that?”
the guy explains, “well you put one hand in first, then the other, and eventually you stretch it out really far.”
the cop says, “what the fuck would you do with a 6′ asshole?”
the guy says, “park him at the end of the bridge with a radar gun.”
there once was a man from boston, who drove around in an austin, there was room for his ass and a gallon of gas but his balls hung out and he lost em.
there once was a man from madrass, whose balls were constructed of brass, and when jangled together they played stormy weather and lightning shot out of his ass.
there once was a woman, triplets begat “nat, pat, and tat”. there was fun breeding but trouble feeding because she didn’t have a tit for tat.
what did the politician say after stepping in horse shit? “HELP I’M MELTING!”
a robber broke into a small suburban house and everyone was sound asleep. he was startled upon throwing valuables into a bag when their pet parrot said, “jesus can see you.” the robber shushed the parrot and continued to put things into his bag. the parrot started up shortly after with, “jesus is not going to like this.”
the robber finally said in a whisper, “look, i’ll go to church and pray about it. now shut up.” then the robber turned back towards the front door to leave and a giant doberman was standing in front of him. the parrot said, “GET HIM JESUS!”
what do you call a hooker who douches with pepsi? a poptart.
what did the 5 year old black kid get for christmas? your bike.
why do black people call white people honkies? it’s the last thing they hear before they get hit
what’s the DMV equivalent in poland? the line at the abortion clinic
what’s big and black and has 100s of green tits? a garbage bag at a breast cancer clinic
yeah, yeah i know. mine are raunchy. i own it.
