Bad Joke Thread

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

If it’s the England team taking shots at you that’s got you behind the sofa, I think you’re overestimating their accuracy.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

Fucking hell, you’re typing faster than I can groan and roll my eyes.

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

Why is sex like a thunderstorm?

“You never know how many inches you’ll get and how long it’ll last.”

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

When I fuck I hope to god it’s zero inches.

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I came home from work early to find my wife without any clothes on.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Erm… I thought we could have a bit of fun,” she replied. “Let’s play naked hide and seek.”
“You’re on!” I said, stripping as I ran upstairs. “I’ll hide first!”
I went into our bedroom and opened the wardrobe door. My mate Dave was sat there in the nude.
“I’m really sorry, mate,” he said.
“Don’t worry,” I giggled. “I’ll hide under the bed!”

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

LMAO :biggreen::lol_dork::lol_teeth

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

Can’t beat the satisfation of making a lady sqeal with delight lol.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

What does a Paralympian fear the most?

Testing positive for WD-40.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I saw a poster this morning for a missing five year old girl. Blue eyes, blonde hair, always smiling.

Anyway, this afternoon I was in the town hall, I looked to my right and saw a big curtain which over time had sagged and I could see through. I was shocked to see a little girl with her hands tied sitting on a mattress – five years old; like the poster, blue eyes; like the poster, blonde hair, like the poster and… No this one was bawling her eyes out.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

A flying insect just flew into my kitchen and exploded.

I think it was a Jihaddy long legs.

I was licking my wife out last night when suddenly she farted.

“You’re disgusting!” I said gagging.

“So are you” she snapped. “I’m trying to have a shit, Dave.”

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

What’s the difference between a man and a condom?

Condoms have changed. They’re no longer thick and insensitive!

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?

They both swallowed a lot of semen.

[1 tryptameanie @tryptameanie Participant]

I was in Edinburgh today, and saw a woman wearing a T-shirt that said, “Yes”.

Long story short, I’m up on a rape charge tomorrow.

[6 Angel @angel Moderator Staff]

Once a little boy went into his mums room.
He saw his mum bouncing on his dad, he said mum what are you doing, she said im just flattening daddy stomach and the boy said
well mum its no good because when you go shopping the next door neigbor comes round and blows it back up again.

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