Cracking Problem

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October 17, 2007 at 2:08 pm

#676232
1

One.badgerinpink

@one-badgerinpink

Member
OK so recently my Brothers life has changed dramatically….about 2 months ago I had a phonecall from his best mate to say he was intensive care and we needed to get there as soon as poss so me and mr badger and my best mate went to the hospitol to find him hooked up to a ventilator and unconcious…apparently they had found him in the bus station passed out and unable to breath…his heart had stopped as well so he is lucky to be alive….anyhow it turned out he’d overdosed on GB…..next weekend he went to the same night and took more GB…this guy is seriously on self destruct…anyhow about a month ago he rang me at 8 in the morning wanting to find some ket cos he said he’d been up all night smoking crack….next thing i here he’s thrown his girlfiend out of the flat they shared for 4 years and said he didnt want to be with her any more….now he’s hanging rund with a completely different set of people and smoking crack with them…..last week he quit his job and i phoned him last night to find out if he wanted to come and view a house with me on saturday and he tld me that someone had stolen his car and crashed it….I did not beleive this and later on found out that him and the guy he was working with had gone to get crack after work last week and got high in the car and crashed it then lied to the police. The guy has always been wreckless ever since he started getting in trouble at school and has been violent and in trouble with the cops countless times…usually alcohol related violence…but some how this seems on a completley different level, he’s lieing to me, he’s been in intensive care for GB, quit his job and now crashed his car and lied about it….im not too close to him for obvious reasons ( I got beat up by him a fair few times and my house broken into and money stolen ) but now he seems to be in a different league of self destruction and trying to hid it…does anyone have any ideas of how to get round this. I’ve spoken to my mum who says we cant do anything as all we will get is abuse of denial but I cant stand by and watch this go on…..he has 2 kids…

sorry for such a long post!!
October 17, 2007 at 2:11 pm

#732730
1

Digital-A

@digital-a

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i will pm
October 17, 2007 at 3:07 pm

#732727
1

Tank Girl

@tank-girl

Member
so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through at the moment,

unfortunatley with all addictions the ‘addict’ needs to want to get help before anything can be ‘done’
and usually people have to reach their ‘rock bottom’ and by the sounds of it – if being in ITU hasnt done it – it still may be a little while off…..

the best thing is for you to get support and to look after yourself – if he is ever ready then you will be strong enough to support him if you still wish – remember we are here if you need to talk
October 17, 2007 at 3:30 pm

#732733
1

One.badgerinpink

@one-badgerinpink

Member
Thank you very much for your support!! His problems have been gradually getting worse since he was 12 and my family have all but given up on him…He has hit rock bottom in many ways, he is on the child offenders register for burning his own child, she was 3 months old and ended up havng skin grafts….after this he tried to kill himself…then after his periods of violence and anger he usually showed remorse…unfortunately more recently he has stopped showing remorse and follows his anger and violent outbursts with little or no feeling, more anger or complete denial…most recently he came to my house with his now ex girlfriend for the afternoon to meet my bloke (bas mistake) and ended up going crazy over nothing and getting a knife to try and stab one of my dogs…he sent me a simple text the next day saying ‘sorry about last night i was well drunk k x’ and that was it..When we went to visit him in ICU and he finally woke up he started shouting at the nurse for cutting his clothes off then tried to pull his catheter out so he could go to the pub..he is not my biological brother we were both adopted as babies and the things he has done over the years (usually alcohol related) have pulled our family apart…i guess its easier for an adopted family to pull apart as the children get older me 23 and him 25…I spoke to my mum this afternoon and explained that he had quit his job and crashed his car and lied to the police and she just said ‘thankyou for letting me know’ she knows there is nothing we can do as it just ends up in things getting smashed, black eyes or complete denial….most of his true freinds take a wide berth and dont want to associate with him any more as he has either beaten them up or upset them by beating up family/g/friends…In fact until i wrote this down i didnt realise how bad the situation was….my friends tell me i should stay away and not have him in my life but in a way i am the only thing he has left and dont think i should turn my back on him….. I just dont have a clue going about talking to him or helping him…sorry for the long post!!
October 17, 2007 at 3:44 pm

#732724
6

General Lighting

@general-lighting

Moderator
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at this point I quite seriously think the only way he can be helped is to be
institutionalised – for the good of the rest of your family as much as much as his own good.

This is serious criminality and psychotic mental illness, not just the effects of minor or medium level recreational drug use. IMO no human being, whatever they have been through in their lives, has the right to repeatedly inflict this level of pain on people and keep their liberty – although there are professionals who can help him.

He’s had too many chances now – if he actually wants to stay alive either the NHS or National Offender Management Service (perhaps both) now needs to take control of his life for the good of your family and the rest of society. If he is attacking people then call 999 when he does it and keep making crime reports until he gets locked up or sectioned, IMO he has forfeit a lot of his human rights by turning on those trying to help him.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but if it wasn’t a blood relative by this point I would have cut them out of my life and wouldn’t even be too concerned if they died (although I would at least try to get them treatment).

Over the years I’ve cut former friends out of my life for far less (such as succumbing to addiction and refusing to admit their problems…).
October 17, 2007 at 3:52 pm

#732734
1

One.badgerinpink

@one-badgerinpink

Member
I do understand this but he has been in and out of court for 13 years yet never been sent to prison…he has either got people to retract statements or they have given him fines…community orders….

nobody can cope with him, he has broken into my house and stolen money, beaten me up, harmed his child, smashed up thoushands of pounds if property, been in court for attacking someone elses dog – after he had beaten her up (bursting a breast implant) but got away with a fine as it was his word against hers and she had been drinking loads…

he is very intelligent and knows how to manipulate people…when people meet him they think he is great and do so until he does something crazy or violent….

so how on earth do you go about getting someone like that institutionalised?

plus when ive called the police on him when hes beaten me up really bad…my parents went crazy at me saying that if im the reason for him to go to prison for a few months, when he gets out he will be even worse?????
October 17, 2007 at 3:56 pm

#732731
1

tarifa

@tarifa

Member
Sorry to hear what you’re going through, it sounds like hell.

Have to agree with the others on this, you can’t help him if he doesn’t want to be helped, must feel like doing nothing but it isn’t. He has got to want to change or you and your family are just banging your heads agaianst a brick wall, wearing yourselves out with no effect.

What you need to do is get support for yourselves (which you guys do need and are entitled to), look after each other and be on the best form you can. Have you been in touch with any help groups out there? There are support groups for the families and friends of addicts etc could be a good port of call. That way, as and when he is ready you can be there for him.

Sometimes, unfortunately, there is nothing a family or friends can do, sometimes they’re actually not the right people to do the helping. It sounds like your brother needs extra help and the authorities are the people to do it,

Good luck hun, I think you’ve done your best, s’all any of us can do, get some outside assisstance in now for him (if you can) and for yourself

:group_hug :love:

To get people sectioned you need to get the authority of two different doctors. Have you told your GP what’s going on? Citizens Advice and Samaritans may also be able to help
October 17, 2007 at 3:58 pm

#732725
6

General Lighting

@general-lighting

Moderator
Staff
Unfortunately the reason scum like this get away is due to lack of evidence (including proving the witness intimidation you are alleging which is a very serious offence)

TBH the only thing I can suggest is you actually contact the Police station now and find the domestic violence specialist team or Family Protection Unit for your area (there should be one somewhere).

I would try and find details but I don’t know the workings of the Northern forces that well unfortunately.

There would also be other DV charities who can help, between them and the feds they can even install surveillance equipment in the house which often helps lead to a lot of convictions.
October 17, 2007 at 4:03 pm

#732735
1

One.badgerinpink

@one-badgerinpink

Member
Thats the thing though his outbusrts are not at any specific places / times etc they happen usually over weekends but are not in any way predictable…I will give them a ring though this needs to be sorted out…i feel like im always apologising for him or trying to cover up things he’s done so people wont look down on me….I think what needs to happen is a long conversation between me and my parents….they would hate it it i did anything without speaking to them….
October 17, 2007 at 4:52 pm

#732726
1

Raj

@raj

Member
hey badger :group_hug:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug

I am really sorry to hear that :hopeless:

If he is battering you, threatening you and generally abusing people then the only thing you can really do is protect yourself and those you love.

In this case it looks like what that will mean is refusing to have any further contact with him and explaining to your family why you have taken that step. You have to look out for yourself amd those you love. If your family are unwilling to exclude him from their lives make it crystal clear to them that you are unwilling to see him again.

If he has beaten you and you have medical notes and/or witnesses [pref not family] who can corroborate this you may be able to get a court order to keep him away from you [enforcing them is a different matter unfortunately]

Certainly I would go to the domestic violence unit of your local police and explain the situation to them – you can get them to record your complaints and keep them on file which means they will know the situation if it happens again and you report it. As you are female [at least I think you are :wink:] go to the women’s aid organisations as they deal with this all the time and will know how to proceed and what can be done. You could speak to them before or after the police [they may have the name of a specially trained officer who could help you which is something worth considering]

Drug addicts are very manipulative and will go to great lengths to get their own way – sounds like everyone has being letting him get away with unacceptable stuff for a while now and its not actually helping him in the long run – just facilitating the destructive behaviour.

Bottom line is if its inexcusable then dont let him off with it. It may seem harsh but here the order of the day is self preservation – its not pleasant to live life tiptoing around a person who is liable to go off the handle at any excuse and thinks this is ok as long as he says sorry [but probably he doesnt mean it – he just knows this is an easy way to get people off his back:you_crazy]

:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug

getting him sectioned will likely require the help of your family doctor or for him to be picked up while losing the plot by the police
October 17, 2007 at 7:10 pm

#732729
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Inactive
I have nothing more to add, everyone else seems to have covered a lot.

All i can say is that i hope you can sort it as it can imagine this is a horrible situation to be in, don’t forget we are all here to chat too :group_hug:group_hug:group_hug
October 17, 2007 at 9:00 pm

#732732
1

tarifa

@tarifa

Member
An also don’t forget that tho every family’s experience is different lots of people have friends/relatives that have gone off the rails. Its scary an makes you feel helpless and hopeless.

You’re not alone :group_hug :love:
October 17, 2007 at 9:13 pm

#732728
1

Tank Girl

@tank-girl

Member
no 1 priority – keep yourself safe –

if he dont want help dont go there –

if he ever wants help then decide whether you are the right person.

only he can be responsible for his behaviour – if you have to call the old bill if you are unsafe that is you right, if he gets sent down etc thats his responsibility

(If he’s been arrested and been in hospital due to drugs / mental health the wards / probation etc have probably offered ‘help and done assessments’ as part of their protocol.
bad behaviour isnt a mental illness so he may not be sectionable,
addiction help can only be pursued if he wants and mental state can only be clearly assessed if sober / not under the influence of substances…. can be a viscious circle – unfortunatley)
October 18, 2007 at 7:56 am

#732736
1

One.badgerinpink

@one-badgerinpink

Member
Thank you everyone, I spoke with him last night and he still claims the car was stolen and it was not at the wheel…..I cant beleive him…..I know it is best for me to stay away from him which is what i have done over the years but then I get worried about him and want to see he’s ok…..mr badger has said he never wants to see him again and i got in a right fould mood with him ( but only cos he’s right )

Thank you everyone for your great support i definately needed to voice this with people who are not biased!

Thanks again
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