For decades our glorious island nation in the South China Sea has been the El Dorado of SE Asia, a mecca for the native and white man alike – and has endured the turbulent times of the last century to become the only free nation in SE Asia offering the best of Asia and the best of good old Blighty…
As King Nosmo says “it is as good as Singapore and better than Uxbridge, not as many traffic jams and you can have fun here”. Unlike most other nations we do not have harsh drugs laws or religions – our only requirement is gentlemanly behaviour and that all men who stay for more than 3 months should comply to the Moustaches Act 2003, but, being most appreciative of the effect of Peak Oil on the global price of moustache wax we are willing to waive this for the benefit of our foreign visitors.
Everyone is welcome to visit, but please be noting there is only single aerodrome for the whole nation and most access is by seaport please be careful for your safety when travelling.
Also, our seaport is the main import area for petroleum spirit, naphtha and paraffin, so ensure you are putting out every cigarette, gasper, pipe, hookah or naked flame before arriving.
We do not want a big fire in our nation, as it means the brave Fire Brigade might singe their moustaches putting it out, and have to be interrupted from watching the cricket.
Sufficient ashtrays are provided underneath the monument to His Majesty King Nosmo, underneath the sign prominently lettered “NOSMO KING”.
Also, do not be feeding the bears. Those cheeky blighters are already stealing all our opium and cannabis, and there is barely enough for the people.
Ranjit Notshuttof
High Commission of Cigarettestan
Haverhill, England.
DO NOT FEED THE BEARS
ENVIRONMENT MINISTRY CIGARETTESTAN
PAS OP, BEREN NIET VOEDEN
MINISTERIE VAN MILIEU CIGARETTESTAN
