So, this trip was pretty weird… So I always feel nervous before doing dmt, but this time for some reason I was extremely nervous, so I decided to listen to a bit more music, put on a relaxation and breathing video and that sorted the nervs out.
so we started smoking up, I took two nice hits, before getting the weirdest sensation I’ve ever had, every time I take dmt I feel like I know what it does and I’ve figured the reason of it out but then forget about it shortly after, but everything felt like a dream, I started to get a really bad feeling, slight visuals coming on, visuals that I’ve seen before whenever I close my eyes on dmt started coming, I panicked, having a feeling that something was telling me im not ready for DMT yet, and a strange sensation all over my head as if whatever was happening was being forcefully stopped… Which is weird because correct me if I’m wrong but if you take dmt there’s no turning back…
I grabbed my phone to keep myself in reality just a little, plugged in my headphones and music even though my mate was sitting next to me with ssome music on his mac, relaxed a little, breathed and I felt better, so I took another two hits, the sensations continued.
it was as if my brain was actually rejecting the DMT and stopping me from tripping, I was still in the room, nothing had changed except the walls started breathing, and of course this sensation. I’m not sure what it is but I feel like DMT was telling me either I don’t need it in my life right now, or I’m just not mentally ready for it.
Over the past few days now thinking about it, I’ve had a realisation of what it’s really done for me, I used DMT as a tool to CONTROL my life, outcome and get answers, where as in a matter of fact, that’s where I was completely wrong. It’s taken away a lot of questions I ‘needed’ answered, and just replaced it with ‘go with the flow of life and everything will be fine.’ Its so strange and hard to explain but I guess this is what dmt has changed in my life, told me that I can’t control the outcome of my life (to an extent) and should just be more easy going and answers will come in time.
So now in so much more relaxed about everything, life where I am now, what’s to come, and even the meaning to life and the afterlife. I’m still now considering if I should continue using DMT, I have gained a great experience and answer to my questions, should I continue to see what else it has to show me even after a ‘wrong feeling’ ? I sometimes think I’m too young to be taking DMT, young in mind and what I’ve not even experienced in life yet.
