Hi All
I’m a long-time reader of PVR discussion boards (especially the trip reports), but this is my first posting.
I’ve spent today sifting through a few of those trying to decide what to buy, but what I’m after is a bit of a custom recommendation from someone with a similar background and experience as me, if possible.
So, I’m a previous recreational user of mainly MDMA and ecstasy, less so coke, very occaisional ket.
Always was more into uppers,dancing,euphoria. Never really into chilled out drugs, also haven’t tried anything trippy. Not sure that would turn out well for me as I’ve got a very active imagination, so the thought of what I’d be like on a bad trip put me off. I also never really smoked stuff, just because I don’t like smoking. I understood that highs were a diminishing return and I didn’t try to chase them. Luckily, I don’t think I have an addictive personality. With drugs, alcohol, everything, I could always say enough was enough and draw a line where some of my friends struggled too.
When mcat became a thing, I got into that for a while. I loved the fact it was legal then, and I could order a steady supply at convenience. However, it was the one thing I found quite compulsive. Whereas with other things I could leave it alone, with mcat I would want to keep taking and taking, needing more to maintain the feeling.
About this time I also got into herbal highs. Some I rated, but most weren’t a patch on the real thing of course.
Anyway, I was a semi-regular user when my experience really started to go downhill. The drugs I usually took did not make me feel happy anymore. They began to make me feel anxious, cold inside. Instead of feeling more connected to those around me, like I had at the start, I began to feel like I was trapped behind a glass wall when I took any stimulants. cold and remote. This pretty much killed the experience for me. I also started to get really sick. Even if I took a herbal high, I would projectile vomit as I was coming up. I don’t know how much of that was actually psychosomatic, because it didn’t matter what I took, herbal or class a, all would make me sick without fail, which was horrible.
So, I stopped taking anything. It was almost fun to ‘rediscover’ just being pissed on a night out at first. But I did miss it, mainly because I was no longer a teenager, and as a working adult who is normally in bed by 10pm these days, I found it very difficult to find the energy to stay out partying on just alcohol.
But drugs no longer seemed to be giving me pleasure so I refused to take them. Even certain songs that I really associated with my raving days I could not listen to, or they’d make me feel that same cold anxiety and sickness. This was true of all the ecstasy/MDMA and herbal substitutes, but coke and herbal coke was still fine for me, no bad side effects (but then I was never as much into them anyway).
After not taking anything for over a year, I thought I might be ‘cured’ so I tried a herbal high ‘party pill’ again, but straight away it made me feel detached, anxious and I was sick. So it seems there is no point in any of those for me anymore.
However, I think I might be okay with some of the research chemicals. I was always okay with mcat and ‘plant food’. But I’m not sure where to start as there are so many.
I know of course it’s trial and error and different people will have different reactions, but is there anyone out there with a similar story to me, anyone who has experienced a feeling of detachment and anxiety and persistent vomiting with amphetamines, that has found something that doesn’t produce that effect?
I would dearly love a euphoric stimulant, something that will get that serotonin flowing, not just a speed substitute. In fact that happy, calm sensation is more what I’m after than a massive energy rush.
Has anyone got any suggestions please? I’d be most grateful for any advice.
