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  • A guy pulls into a petrol station in his new BMW. He is a keen golfer and has a couple of golf tees on a ledge near the gear lever. Another punter getting petrol is admiring his new car. He gazes inside and spots the pair of golf tees. He asks the owner “ what are those two yellow plastics things in there” The owner replies “ Oh they are for resting your balls on when you are driving” The punter responds “ Jesus you have to hand it to BMW they think of f***ing everything”

    Dustbin man to Mr Wong: Where’s ya bin?

    Mr Wong: I been to China

    Dustbin man: No, where’s ya wheelie bin?

    Mr Wong: I weally been to China


      Staff

      :lol_crash

      I saw a programme on national geographic channel last week, it was about a search folr new species of fish in the deep trenches of the pacific.
      They found one fish, it was black and white, they named it the
      PIANO TUNA

      @killahertz 356979 wrote:

      Dustbin man to Mr Wong: Where’s ya bin?

      Mr Wong: I been to China

      Dustbin man: No, where’s ya wheelie bin?

      Mr Wong: I weally been to China

      I know that joke but the punchline is “I weally been having a wank” :weee:

      One morning, the members of a farm family were coming to the kitchen for breakfast. Just as Junior seated himself, his mother told him he was not going to get anything to eat until he went to the barn and fed the animals.

      Irritated at this, he stomped out the door and headed for the barn. As he fed the chickens, he kicked each one in the head. As the cow bent down to start in on the fresh hay he had just put in the stall, he kicked it in the head.

      He poured food into the trough for the pigs, and as they started eating, he kicked them in the head. He went back to the kitchen and sat down again.

      His mother was furious. “I saw what you did, so since you kicked the chickens, you’ll get no eggs for breakfast. And since you kicked the cow, you’ll get no milk. And no bacon or sausage because you kicked the pigs.” Just then, the father came down the stairs and nearly tripped on the family cat. On impulse, he kicked the cat off the stairs. The boy looked at his mother and asked “Are you gonna tell him or should I?”

      Some idiot keeps ringing me up , singing “price charming” and ‘ stand and deliver’ down the line .
      I keep telling him he has the wrong number but he’s adamant

      A midget wants into a pub and walks up to the bar, unable to watch over. So he jumps up and down shouting ‘I want a beer please.’
      He gets no reply, so he walks behind the bar to see if there’s anyone there. He sees another midget jumping up and down: ‘would that be a draught or a bottle?”


        Staff

        [SIZE=-1]There was a guy who just got out of a really bad divorce with his wife. One day, he found a genie’s lamp.

        [/SIZE] [SIZE=-1]The genie came out and said, “Hello master. I will grant you three wishes but, what ever you wish for your wife gets double.” [/SIZE][SIZE=-1]
        [/SIZE]

        [SIZE=-1]The guy didn’t like that part but he made a wish anyway. For his first wish, he said, [/SIZE]
        [SIZE=-1]”Genie, I want a house in Hawaii.” POOF!!! He got one house, his wife got two.[/SIZE]
        [SIZE=-1] This didn’t make him happy but, he made his second wish.
        [/SIZE]

        [SIZE=-1]”Genie,I want 2 billion dollars.” POOF! He got two billion, his wife four billion.
        By now, this guy isn’t very happy. The genie says, “You have one wish left. I have to remind you, what ever you wish for your wife gets double.” The guy says, “Yeah, yeah. I know.”
        So the guy thinks real hard and says ” [/SIZE]

        [SIZE=-1]I got it! Genie, beat me half to death!!” [/SIZE]

        :laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:
        [SIZE=-1]
        [/SIZE]

        my life.

        What did the egg say to the boiling water?

        It will take me a minute to get hard, I’ve just come out of this chick.

        @killahertz 379844 wrote:

        Some idiot keeps ringing me up , singing “price charming” and ‘ stand and deliver’ down the line .
        I keep telling him he has the wrong number but he’s adamant

        boom boom tsh! :laugh_at:

        what do u call an indian porn star?

        ramitin bawdeep

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