This post is part of a weekly series I have recently been tasked with creating, in the aim of spreading information and support to people. I will be focusing on issues that affect around 100000% of the world’s population and 0.17% of those who chose to life in the seas and oceans.
Problem number 1: Mongolian hordes in your loft/attic space refuse to leave.
Solution:
This is a tricky one as occasionally a pest control expert can just put some pellets down and the buggers eat them, them die off. BUT, sometimes you need to take drastic action, which is why I strongly recommend using ‘The very best of Chris de burgh’ CD or alternatively you could use the Milli Vanilli track ‘Boy in the tree’ but it must be on repeat and played for 48 hours non-stop. This has proved to be a very effective way of getting those pesky Mongolians out of lofts/attics, often making them go crazy and drown/baste themselves in sweet and sticky bbq sauce or even as far as going on the Jeremy Kyle show for no apparent reason. OR you could just threaten them with a court order, that works 60% of the time all the time.
If none of the above work, including court orders, then the only real way to remove them is to burn down your house; I know it sounds insane but it’s not. Mongolian hordes don’t like the smell of burnt polyester nor do they like the taste of singed flannel on the air, but before resorting to this method, please make sure you have Mongolian horde insurance on your home, many insurers won’t admit they provide it as it is a claim that is made more and more each year as the hordes are forced from their homelands (behind the tesco in cockermouth) by ever increasing amount of seagulls and other marine foul causing blood feuds and turf wars.
Now, I’ve covered the very basics of this and it is up to you all to be vigilant, alert and willing to help anyone, even your sworn enemy.
Thank you and goodnight.
