long term couples; how is your relationship?

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long term couples; how is your relationship?

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May 1, 2013 at 11:24 pm

#680027
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
I was just thinking to myself, so many of my couple friends are breaking up at the moment and unfortunatly three of my friends are now single parents ( and their babies are all under 1 )
I also have to really rack my brains to think of any friend whos parents are still together.
Not just families though I dont know any couples who have been together linger than 2years. (mind you most of them are in their twenties so thats not too bad)

So for you lot who are in happy long term relationships, what are your tips ?
Do you have any wisdom to share or advise to give?
Im interested to learn 🙂
May 2, 2013 at 4:48 am

#804517
1

barrettone

@barrettone

Member
I am in a polyamorous relationship with my right and left hands. Thankfully they are incapable of leaving me due to being very firmly attached.
May 2, 2013 at 5:21 am

#804516
1

p0ly

@p0ly

Participant
4 months 1 day. Perfect ATM yry. YDAY was literally Lou reed – p day – personified no exaggeration. My life rules especially in summer.
May 2, 2013 at 5:41 am

#804519
1

The Psyentist

@the-psyentist

Member
I’ve been with my girlfriend a little over 2 and a half years. Initially I was overwhelmed by what I had; the sexiest woman I’d ever laid eyes on with no obvious flaws. I was head over heels and it took me a few months to adjust to the fact she was mine, and she wanted to be mine. I was quite intimidated and paranoid at the beginning of our relationship due to her being open about her casual sexual activities just before we got together.

Anyway a couple months past and we were deeply in love, I always thought MDMA was the best feeling in the world but this true love invigorated me in a way no drug ever has. We had close to 2 years of total bliss with each other, then things started to change. My own mental health was going into a bit of a decline as well as my girlfriend being diagnosed with an underactive thyroid. For both of us these afflictions brought on just enough change for us to be unable to support each other. Where previously we were unified we suddenly felt like 2 individuals again.

We really struggled and argued and spent little time with each other for a few months. Although she’s still stressed for various reasons and her thyroid is giving her hell my mental health has taken an upturn in the last 2 weeks, meaning I can at least support her now. I sense things could be on the mend, although our scenario has changed an awful lot since we got together and it certainly isn’t just good times like it was before but I still love her. She might be cunt but she’s probably the best cunt for me and too good to let go without a fight.
May 2, 2013 at 5:49 am

#804518
1

barrettone

@barrettone

Member
@The Psyentist 544285 wrote:

I’ve been with my girlfriend a little over 2 and a half years. Initially I was overwhelmed by what I had; the sexiest woman I’d ever laid eyes on with no obvious flaws. I was head over heals and it took me a few months to adjust to the fact she was mine, and she wanted to be mine. I was quite intimidated and paranoid at the beginning of our relationship due to her being open about her casual sexual activities just before we got together.

Anyway a couple months past and we were deeply in love, I always thought MDMA was the best feeling in the world but this true love invigorated me in a way no drug ever has. We had close to 2 years of total bliss with each other, then things started to change. My own mental health was going into a bit of a decline as well as my girlfriend being diagnosed with an underactive thyroid. For both of us these afflictions brought on just enough change for us to be unable to support each other. Where previously we were unified we suddenly felt like 2 individuals again.

We really struggled and argued and spent little time with each other for a few months. Although she’s still stressed for various reasons and her thyroid is giving her hell my mental health has taken an upturn in the last 2 weeks, meaning I can at least support her now. I sense things could be on the mend, although our scenario has changed an awful lot since we got together and it certainly isn’t just good times like it was before but I still love her. She might be cunt but she’s probably the best cunt for me and too good to let go without a fight.

This post has a je ne sais quois that I like. Pretty exemplary post. I have not been in one myself but I know that in my parents relationship they had some ups and downs and a huge part of sticking together is about taking the good with the bad, cos it will never always be rosy.
May 2, 2013 at 5:56 am

#804520
1

The Psyentist

@the-psyentist

Member
@barrettone 544286 wrote:

This post has a je ne sais quois that I like. Pretty exemplary post. I have not been in one myself but I know that in my parents relationship they had some ups and downs and a huge part of sticking together is about taking the good with the bad, cos it will never always be rosy.

Well life is rarely a smooth path when traveling alone so add another individual on to that path and you’ll have to compromise the route taken even if retaining the same destination
May 2, 2013 at 8:46 am

#804512
1

Dan Ooops

@dan-ooops

Member
Fair play Psyentist….imo the best test of a relationship is when things are down. Glad to here that you are feeling in a better place and more able to support your darling lately. Onwards and Upwards – best of luck to you both.

I met my missus round the fire after a party in 1999…..been wed 5 years in June and together 14 in August – lots of work, patience, love, affection, understanding and support are what keeps us sweet – we are best friends as well as lovers, and have a happy little family (Son is 18 months, and we also have three kittens and a mum cat too!)

Those early heady days were very party driven – after all, she was a punter at my parties before we got together. However, when we went on holiday in that August, we were just friends – by the time we got back we were together. I dropped her off at her parents house, and never left!! two years later we bought a house (I was in my 30s, she early 20s) and have not been apart for more than 55hrs at one time in those 14 years. The real test was when I broke my leg, and was in hospital for fivew days, and a cast for five months – there was a LOT that she had to do for me (I am not going to reveal some of the things, but use your imagination) and if you can survive that level of support, you can survive anything)

Not to mention, my parents just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, and that to me is inspirational enough to ensure we last that long too.

Good luck everyone – love is cool, life is long (hopefully) and a life with love is just the BEST :love::group_hug
May 2, 2013 at 8:53 am

#804505
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
I love my wife more than anything in the world. Been together for 10 years bar a couple of brakes.

Tips? hmmm. If you love someone you have to work hard and that love will change and grow. There will be difficult times and there will be amazing times. You reap what you sow, sometimes it takes hard work and forgiveness.

If you find someone special fight with all your might to keep that person, compromise will be needed at times. Don’t always go looking for the honeymoon period head over heals type love or you will more from person to person.

I guess I am lucky I have never wanted to be with anyone else in my life. She is amazing.
May 2, 2013 at 9:24 am

#804506
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
@Dan Ooops! 544350 wrote:

Not to mention, my parents just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, and that to me is inspirational enough to ensure we last that long too.

That’s amazing!
May 2, 2013 at 9:56 am

#804511
1

thelog

@thelog

Member
*crys*
May 2, 2013 at 9:59 am

#804507
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
@thelog 544371 wrote:

*crys*

*hug*
You are awesome…I like you 🙂
May 2, 2013 at 10:23 am

#804515
1

cheeseweasel

@cheeseweasel

Participant
I think people just have unrealistic expectations of relationships nowadays. For most people the feeling of being ‘totally in love’ lasts 2-3 years – I read of some scientific study a couple of years ago that suggested this is the case. We have this idea of what a ‘perfect relationship’ is, from films, the media, advertising etc and everyone feels entitled to one. I can’t speak from personal experience as I’ve never been in any sort of relationship (it’s never really appealed to me tbh) but I’ve seen enough of my mates get with people only to break up after 2-3 years to draw my own conclusions.
May 2, 2013 at 10:28 am

#804521
1

korno

@korno

Member
relationships = pain 🙁
May 2, 2013 at 10:39 am

#804508
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
@cheeseweasel 544374 wrote:

I think people just have unrealistic expectations of relationships nowadays. For most people the feeling of being ‘totally in love’ lasts 2-3 years – I read of some scientific study a couple of years ago that suggested this is the case. We have this idea of what a ‘perfect relationship’ is, from films, the media, advertising etc and everyone feels entitled to one. I can’t speak from personal experience as I’ve never been in any sort of relationship (it’s never really appealed to me tbh) but I’ve seen enough of my mates get with people only to break up after 2-3 years to draw my own conclusions.

I know a couple of woman that have had their bars raised so high by romance novels/ films that they are borderline delusional about the whole thing.

*cough cough* twilight.
May 2, 2013 at 11:51 am

#804509
6

General Lighting

@general-lighting

Moderator
Staff
@cheeseweasel 544374 wrote:

I’ve seen enough of my mates get with people only to break up after 2-3 years to draw my own conclusions.

it would not be so bad if it weren’t for all the kids produced with broken families and also the way it affects people subsequently, added to the negative cultural influences.

Because I own my own house and also am lucky enough to look way younger than my actual age, I do get a fair amount of attention from local girls/women but 99% of them (who are not of such a young a age I would be seen as a bit of a jimmy saville) seem to come with a stepkid or two (which they are of course looking for a safe haven for as “Real Dad” could not do his job or they would still all be together as a family unit).

I really can’t help but think they are looking for the “stable, secure” chap after having their fun (with someone who might have been good in the short term but not long term material) and being left holding the baby, and I am not a sucker (especially as its going to be hard to be 100% sure of their fidelity, what with custody visits where the kids meet the biological father etc). Of course if someone has not got children then can make much more of a clean break from a previous relationship.

A lot of people see relationships as disposable things anyway and/or about how much they can get out of someone though that is a more recent thing. My own parents did stay together from the day they met in 1960s Malaya via “Western Style dating” (which was against both their cultures) to the day my Dad passed away in 2000 (though having to leave their ancestral countries and make a big investment in a new life was clearly a major factor, I notice a lot of my foreign friends are far more committed in their relationships than those who are natives).
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