well to me, funky, it sounds like something typically experianced during shamanic initiation. its a common theme-the breaking down of the known self, often symbolised by death, and a being built back up better than before, coming back wiser, and gifted with a view that only a few are shown.
the shamans -if you dont already know- were (and still are might i add) the tribal leaders, healers, and mediators of this world and that of the spirits. they’d be the ones to keep the peace, and makes sure everthing is running along smoothly, a master of this world and the next.
buddhism would help, as meditation (i.e. when your mind is focused entirely on a single activity) is a shamans tool for his or her work- it is only when your mind is quiet that one is capable of witnessing the true magic of nature, the substance of the spirit realm i.e. everything you cannot usually perceive.
some books i have read might help you-its entirely your choice where you go with all this, but at the very least remember to follow your instincts-go with your gut little brother!
carlos castaneda is a notable author whose works certainly opened my eyes. it turns out he was a big fraud but nevertheless his books will give you an idea of the shamans duty and training in a beautifully articulate trippy journey through the universe be it external or internal. ive only read tales of power his last book in the trilogy. “the way of wyrd” by brian bates is a story built using records of anglo-saxon shamen and out of the two books i’d read it because its shorter and sweeter. also his experiance draws a parallel with yours.
“the book of the vision quest” by steven foster and meredith little (prentice hall press) is good because it helped me to understand how to show respect with prayer, and the importance of vision, an event that shows you during three days of fasting things about yourself, and where your headed. real stories of real people who have embraced native american beliefs and culture to show us its benefits.
barefoot doctors handbook for the urban warrior is, out of all the books i’ve mentioned would really recommend, though, for its meditations-more fun and less strict than buddhist meditations, it uses taoist visualisations that enable you to work with the “flow” of this crazy existance we call life with all the clear-eyed calm vigour of a modern day shaman man.
but dont listen to me, im just some crazy crusty giving you spiritual top tips over the internet.
just listen to yourself. its you and that gut of yours’ choice how far to take it. you know best
this is all a lot to take in, and this post is yours to pick at over a creme caramelle or two.
anyway its way past my bedtime, and ive spent ages typin this out so im gonna say good luck old chap-have fun figuring out who and what you are.
(roll eastenders themetune)
