Forums › Drugs › Drug Addiction & Recovery › My boyfriend is a Heroin Addict…
I’m a good girl, and my boyfriend is a Heroin Addict… I’m sure many have heard this one before. Well I hadn’t until I became the girlfriend of a heroin addict, and recently research has shown me that its a little bit familiar in the drug community..
I need ADVICE!
I respect the choices everyone makes, and I have made mine, but I just don’t know what to do anymore…
So it started in 2004 when i met him, he was so cute, awesome, fun, like a little kid, he was 25 and i was 19. I met him one night through mutual friends who warned me about him. i noticed he had beads around his neck, i asked if they meant anything he said he was a recovering addict. Well little naive me was just like oh, so he’s recovering, that means he’s all better, yeah. well i had no idea what heroin was about, i am a recreational pot smoker and never met anyone who was addicted to anything but pot. so we dated, and had a great time. he is a good person inside and wouldn’t hurt a soul. well i started to notice that he was acting funny sometimes, like almost falling asleep at random moments, shutting his eyes and opening them for a bit? i noticed there were red scabs on his shoulders and scars from scratch marks? itchy much? his mom told me he was on it again but he didn’t want to tell me, i asked him so many times but he swore he wasn’t. i broke up with him when i found out, although he said he was going to get help.
but after 2 weeks i couldn’t bear to not see him, i fell in love with this guy so quickly… well he became an asshole and was awful, i saw him one night out and was just horrible, but i could tell he was high, so i didn’t hold it against him, it just really hurt for a while.
i ran into him one night after he got out of rehab, he said he missed me and of course i could not resist. he wanted to hang out so bad, we talked on the phone and made plans, but he just didn’t show up, i didn’t see him for the whole summer after that and just thought about him all the time.
i ended up calling him on his birthday that September. we started dating again after we talked and he told me he had been clean after going to rehab, he was just afraid to be with me or hurt me again. we dated until i left to leave the country in January of this year, so this is where i need the help…
i returned this mid summer, we kept in touch a bit and couldn’t wait to see each other. i called him and he seemed dull sounding and wasn’t as excited as i was to see him!! this hurt, but whatever, he had some excuse for being tired o well. he hung out and have been for the past couple weeks. NOW like 2 times i’ve noticed the sleepy thing he does, he looks flushed and his face is sweaty, he blinks slow, in the car the other day he shut his eyes while driving and looked like falling asleep. i yelled at him, he was like what! i’m just tired. but yeah right, no one does that?? his mom told me this morning that he has the scabs on his arms again, i saw a brand new one yesterday and am totally freaking out again, his sex drive is kind of low, and when we do make it, it takes forever for him to get off.. i just got so tired one night so i was like do it yourself, he said he couldn’t, he cant turn himself on??
I love him so much, and have loved him since 04, he did the rehab thing, but i know he needs to do it again now or needs some type of mentoring. he doesn’t go to any meetings during the week and doesn’t take meds. one big problem though is that he lies to everyone, his family, friends, and ME, but not his one drug addict friend!! i just wish he would be truthful with me, i love him unconditionally, i just don’t know what to do anymore. i feel as if he hates it that i don’t trust him and i keep asking him… theres no way of catching him, hes so clean about it, but i don’t want to catch him, i don’t know what i want.
i just want to be there for him….
please leave any advice, addicts who had relationships, please let me know how i can make him open up to me, and his problem! i cant tell if hes lying to everyone just so they don’t find out, or if hes lying to himself. i just don’t think he wants anyone to realize hes failed again. how do i even have this conversation with him when he denies me?
– Lu
I think a lot of people here know what ill say to you…You cant help him,he can only help himself..
I had a boyfriend when i was 16,he wasnt an addict but he was stealing,selling junk,beating people up when they couldent pay..Well he ended up in prison..I thought i couldent live without him,he was everything that mattered to me..But i eventually managed to go on living my life..
When he came out from prison,he started to use heroin,i felt so guilty for not standing bye his side,that i run into his arms again..I managed to get away again on some point..And i think that if i had stayed with him,would have been dead now,becauce he could get me to do anything,his way was the only way..
My point is that i years after have realised that i didnt love him,i felt pitty for him,and would have done anything to help him..But i couldent,he needet to want it him self,i could not force him to do anything..In the end i started to blame myself for his addiction”it must be me there is somthing wrong with”since he didnt wanted to come clean..My life was a hell..
Now 21 years later i still think about him,and he have marked me for life… I never feel i can do anything right,i fell so guilty for others mistakes,the smallest negative word said about me still makes me cry,it take so long for me to trust other people,i dont believe it when others tell me they love me,i blame myself for everything bad in my life..
I have just been very sick,i blame myself..if i had done this and this it might never have happend,feel i have ruined my family’s life,can never forgive myself for that..My life is still a mess and it get worse and worse,some days i wish i never had survived my illness..
I dont say that you will end up like me,i hope not..But please take care of yourself,nobody else are doing it for you…Get out now..
I’m sorry if this is not well written,i have never wrote such a long message before,and it is a bit of a mess..
Love T
Angel has said some good stuff there,As some of you may or may not know,I have had some similar shit go down recently and in my opinion You cant really help an addict untill they realise they need help themselves.untill then you will just be banging your head against a wall.Sorry if that sounds harsh.in the meantime best of luck.
:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug
My point is that i years after have realised that i didnt love him,i felt pitty for him,and would have done anything to help him..But i couldent,he needet to want it him self,i could not force him to do anything..In the end i started to blame myself for his addiction”it must be me there is somthing wrong with”since he didnt wanted to come clean..My life was a hell..
Now 21 years later i still think about him,and he have marked me for life… I never feel i can do anything right,i fell so guilty for others mistakes,the smallest negative word said about me still makes me cry,it take so long for me to trust other people,i dont believe it when others tell me they love me,i blame myself for everything bad in my life..
I have just been very sick,i blame myself..if i had done this and this it might never have happend,feel i have ruined my family’s life,can never forgive myself for that..My life is still a mess and it get worse and worse,some days i wish i never had survived my illness..
I dont say that you will end up like me,i hope not..But please take care of yourself,nobody else are doing it for you…Get out now..
I’m sorry if this is not well written,i have never wrote such a long message before,and it is a bit of a mess..
Love T
:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug
you know where i am if you want me angel
:love::love::love::love::love:
angel has pretty much said it all fo rme here but here is my two pence worth anyway
you cant help someone who doesnt want to get off the heroin; until they are really committed to quitting they will not manage to do it [no nice way to say that and i am sorry]
heroin numbs the users emotionally and physically – like a giant layer of thick cotton wool between them and the world – they dont feel emotion like you do and thats why he cant get it off without taking ages
as long as he is using nothing hurts or reaches him properly if he doesnt want it too so you will not get through to him either
the only thing you can do here is protect yourself from the damage he will do you emotionally [ why doesnt he love me enought to give it up, why does he say things that hurt me, etc – if he doesnt do it yet he almost certainlly will if you challenge him about the heroin enough just to hurt you enough to get you to back off and let him do what he wants]
you have to look after yourself – no one else will do it, and certainly not your boyfriend, and if you dont look after you you will be in bits when he is ready to quit and will need you most
until then get out of there and let him get on with it; maybe go and find your local drugs action team and get some counselling for YOU not him;
sorry if this isnt what you want to hear but there it is
if you want to unload the stress and get support come back and we will be here for you:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug
take care
raj
you know where i am if you want me angel
:love::love::love::love::love:
I know where you are Raj :love: :love: :love: :love: :love:
He s gotta want to change an until he gets to that place …if he ever does thats when he ll leave the shit exzistance behind…are you willing to waste your own life waiting,hoping ,praying for change…lifes too short,you re better off out of it in my opinion…
Heroin makes them into a selfish person..they lie they lie,their fukt up big time…i went out with a smackhead..he hid it from me for a long time when i found out it was too late i loved him…i wanted to help him.,no chance , he rehabed he went back, he lied, he fukt his whole life up…from being a promising musician he threw it all away…still i stuck wiv him 4 years…of finding burn tin foil hid in strange places, finding him with lighter in hand in my shed! he denied it even then…so funny to think now…at the time i was goin thru hell … fuking waste of my precious time…
anyways…he used to be sat falling asleep smashed out of his head but denied he had a habit he couldnt break…we split i realised i couldnt play,social worker,pychotherapist,care worker ,nurse,mum to him no more…
i found out i was pregnant..we got back together,his mum died he was cut up, we thought this was a sign to change…he swore on his knees in tears that was it…he d stop hanging all that shite an sort himself out…
i had tests baby was fine it only affects if i was takin herion…no chance there im not that dense…
i had my long awaited girl..an my god how beautiful she is…something so precious…
he didnt even make it a day without me…i was in hospital he came to visit smacked up,i looked at his eyes an i just knew…
he sold hiself to the devil…he s done with me…that by the way was nearly 6 yr ago…he dont see his daughter,ive had to severe all contact with his family that hurts still the most,but he would have just caused bother…its a sad shame cos yer know underneath it all he was a good lad…but beyond help…he s still on it by way i heard thru the grapevine….
cut your losses girl…get away it ll hurt but it ll hurt a lot more if you stay with him…you deserve the best in life….x
hope you make the right choice…
love A x
Hey Pretty Stoked,
I’m an opiate/heroin addict who is in the early stages of a subutex detox. Your BF needs to do this himself and by you leaving him will be of help in the long term. By all means give him support by keeping in touch with him. But as for a BF/GF relationship, I’m afraid there’s very little possibility of it ever working. BTW April I’ve only loaned my soul to the devil and I intend on getting it back ASAP. There are a plethora of organizations out there to help him and I suggest you tell him this for is own good. His local CDT should be is first port of call and they will be able to offer a treatment programme that suits him the best. You will be doing him a huge favour if you get out of this relationship NOW!
All the best and take care.
BTW I would never impose my problematic situation on to an unsuspecting partner. So please don’t stereotype all ‘junkies’ in this light APRIL. MOST OF THE ADDICTS I KNOW ARE GOOD PEOPLE AND DESERVE BETTER THAN THE STIGMA SOCIETY HAS HUNG AROUND OUR NECKS. WE HAVE FORGOTTEN MORE ABOUT LIFE THAN SO CALLED ‘NORMAL’ PEOPLE KNOW AND HAVE A LOT TO OFFER. God bless all. Steve. AKA Agent Subby.
Well said Agent Subby… and good luck.. an be strong… :group_hug
Prettystoked i think what everyone else has said has pretty much covered it.. it may seem harsh and hard but he needs to do it for himself and not for anyone else he needs to realise that he needs to make the effort to get clean…
I hope everything works out for you and if you need help or ppl to talk to there are plenty of people on here that can give you advice as you’ve seen.. they’re a good lot on here. that’s why its my home from home 😉
HE needs to do it for himself and ONLY when HE is ready
If that time comes HE will know
message to subby…i wasnt on about all junkies just a lot …i put on my piece of advice…. there was alot more that went off with my experience of having a *then partener who went on the gear believe me…
i must say well done to anyone who comes off smack … big respect,,,where i live well the next town there are loads of them…a lot of em are scum … i think for a herion addict to come clean an stay clean they have to erase all life that they had within smack,the area, the mates, everything…
i put up with living with a herion addict i thought i could help him.. ive heard it all…i think most of em are too weak to break away…my ex lost not only his future but a good home, a good family a lovely daughter…everything…an for what …a dirty habit thats gonna put him in a box…
soz if i sound bitter im not at all but its ok to say ahhh poor junkies if they help themselves to get off an stay off then respect if not fuk em…they know what there doing…
peace x
i must say well done to anyone who comes off smack … big respect,,,where i live well the next town there are loads of them…a lot of em are scum … i think for a herion addict to come clean an stay clean they have to erase all life that they had within smack,the area, the mates, everything…
i put up with living with a herion addict i thought i could help him.. ive heard it all…i think most of em are too weak to break away…my ex lost not only his future but a good home, a good family a lovely daughter…everything…an for what …a dirty habit thats gonna put him in a box…
soz if i sound bitter im not at all but its ok to say ahhh poor junkies if they help themselves to get off an stay off then respect if not fuk em…they know what there doing…
peace x
Peace and love back to yer:love:
But remember there are good and bad people in ALL walks of life.
p.s just so yous all know the lad i went out with for 3 an half years…never took the stuff at home…he was a crafty bastard an did it when he went out then came back smashed an used to deny he was smacked up….divvy:you_crazy i used to believe him…. i was a bit divvy then but after a while i woke up… how many people telling me he d been seen here there could be wrong…he could tell a lie an prove it that man…very crafty….the end …
Well emphasized!:wink:
:bounce_fl :bounce_fl :bounce_fl :bounce_fl
:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug
0
Voices
124
Replies
Tags
This topic has no tags
Forums › Drugs › Drug Addiction & Recovery › My boyfriend is a Heroin Addict…
