Forums › Drugs › Drug Addiction & Recovery › My boyfriend is a Heroin Addict…
“hes totally agnostic and doesnt believe in anything. so my idea is to get him to do something spiritual but not religous, unfortunately.”
Just to point out P.S. that I’m agnostic but my spirituallity is the main reason that I’m finding detoxing a lot more manageable. Send him my regards and DO read the subutex sticky thread IF he decides to go this way. All my love and support to you and your boyfriend.
P.S. Please take heed of Tank Girls advice:wink:
:love: :love:
“help me out on this.. hes 27 and still living in his parents house, because they give him their credit cards and basically feed his addiction.”:hopeless: :hopeless:
Do his parents know he’s a junkie?????? For him to cure this illness this ‘arrangement MUST stop now………
Sorry for being so blunt Alina but he will NEVER be free from junk if this carries on.
:love:
Hi Alina
Please dont be offended by the next bit i am posting – read it through and think about it for several days and work out whether it applies or not – if it doesnt please come back and tell me so
There is a situation which arises where someone has a serious health problem where they cultivate what are called facilitators around them -these facilitators are either supplying the means to obtain the drug in his case or enabling them to ignore their problem in some way
the decision to quit is his and has to be his – no one else can do it for him
My concern is that in your genuine desire to help him you are being manipulated, to keep you there and available, while he is not actually giving the detox the full commitment it requires. That he is using your heartfelt desire to help him to manipulate you in to supporting his views of how he is going to fudge his way round the full detox while he is avoiding actually getting to grips with how serious his problem is. [in essence he is using you as a yes man to tell him how well he is doing while not giving the problem the commitment it will require to get clean]
the fact that he does not want to move out of his parents financial support where this is what has enabled the heroin abuse is something that concerns me as is the fact his parents are prepared to allow him to continue to live there – the fact he has become a junkie cant have really escaped them and at the very least they should stop underwriting the habit and cut up his credit cards:you_crazy:you_crazy:you_crazy
there is something called tough love – this is where you push people out into the world to fend for themselves [where the usual place they are makes it too easy for them to avoid doing something or in his case get heroin] an example of this would be his parents cutting off the financial support which has enabled the habit instead of pretending that its not a serious problem
my current concern is for you, as i am perceiving [rightly or wrongly] from your posts that he is still in the throes of the extremely manipulative behaviour that heroin brings out in people and i dont want to see you hurt by him anymore than you already have been
you need to take care of you – he is certainly not going to be able to while in detox or, as you know already , on heroin – you cant help him if you are not in one piece [and no noble self sacrifice on your part is going to change this]
[you need to be in business of self preservation if you really want to be able to help him through this; this may require you to step back and see how he stands on his own two feet as you can only help those who are genuine in wanting to be helped]
All the best
raj:love:
😉
Sticky sticky sticky??????raaa raaa raaa
Again Raj : you put it so well, I totally agree
Hey raj, that was an awesome reply, and its good to read all that every once in a while, just to put me back in my place.
I totally understand where youre coming from, and i know my place with my friend. Basically, it comes down to me just being a support system for him and his mom. I know that it may seem that he is manipulating me, but he is absolutely not. Ive just been really involved recently while hes detoxing, next week uni starts and im off, but ill still be available to chat and visit every so often. im just trying to help him at his most vulnerable time. he has decided to quit heroin and detox all on his own, i wasnt the one to make him or advise him to. he knows what he needs to do, and i have been giving him all of the above suggestions, and he has totally responded to him, which makes me happy, ive even been annoying and make him buckle up when i’m in the car! hah. but i know that ive been really involved recently, and ive stepped back and thought about it. basically if i were to continue to do what ive been doing like finding info, researching, stressing out, that it would not be healthy at all. but i love him as my best friend, so i will do those things for him and help him. when he finishes detoxing im going to step back and support his decisions, but just basically be there for him, offering my advice and support. 🙂
i talked to him mom, and was like TOUGH LOVE! ever heard of that!? shes been to the family meetings, and still is in total denial, and mentioned that she wont let him go live on the streets, ever. well after we had a long chat, i think that may change, as i stressed, her personal wellbeing is the most important, and hes old enough to fend for himself in this world. hopefully she will change just as much as he will.
hes actually considering yoga, and going away on that retreat, i just cant find any really good ones around, so i dunno about that idea anymore. but whatever happens, hes going to start doing 90 meetings in 90 days, and hes planning on putting his life back together and moving out or paying rent! i’ll just have to step back and watch and be there for him, its been a great experience. he sat me down the other night and deeply apologized, that was nice, and needed. he has a friend or sponser that he’s talking to, so we’ll just live for today! and see what happens, and pray that he keeps strong!!
PS how does an agnostic turn into a spiritual person? thats just one thing i cant stop thinking about, i know he has to do it for himself, but where does that begin? thats why i wanted him to go on a retreat, he needs that self realization thing..
thanks for the support! keep in touch!
smooch:love:
good to hear from you again and i am very glad it is going well
please keep in touch:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug
and have a great year at uni:wink:
pass on my best wishes to him and his family at this tough time
:love::love::love:
self realisation is something he will come to in his own time 😉
once the heroin wears off all sorts of stuff will start to change and we are here if he wants to get in touch
:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug:group_hug
Its great to hear ur bf has found the rooms, 90 meetings in 90 days,
So now that hes got himself some help, what are you going to do 🙂
Its all good and well being very caring and i think Raj has had some really ponient words and statments up there about how addiction creates a place for manipulation to kick in. But i think its also important and becomes even more so important to seek some personal path once the “addict” gets clean.
U’ll have plenty of time now to do the things you couldnt before if he is focussing on his recovery and got a sponcer along come the 12-steps and the written work the phone calls, the meetings, the coffe’s, the get togethers……… It takes a lot of time up at first, and it can almost seem as if the partners are being left behind. And after all they did this can be really painful all the times uve been there and all of a sudden it can feel like a back seat.
Just make sure in your efforts to be there for him, you dont neglect yourself.
Hello Agent.
Well to cut a long story as consise and condensed as i can it went something like this…..
Used All the raving drugs….. then on to Opiates and eventually Crack, and the 2 together speedballing.
This was the beginning of the end and im grateful in a paradox i found crack because the way i was going i might of been stuck on the opiates for a long time, i was managing to scrape together the money to feed that habbit, and the Great Doctors up and down the country as other people have said were only to happy in there infinate wisdom to help me along my way and prescribe me a number of other things to ease and numb my days….(into months into years….)
Well after going at it like a rocket and falling like a rokket, i cudnt take the depths of the spiritual void. Not that i knew exactly what it was at the time, untill i had a spiritual expirience.
I just felt dead from the inside out.
I got clean because id had enuf of feeling like that, time and time again, i attempted to get clean a few times, and then really crashed i felt so empty and like i had no direction, purpose, or meaning in life. And i didnt.
The logistics and practicalities of how i actually got clean were pretty standerd really and its not a privilage its a right to any human on in the UK and a number of other countries.
I went to a detox centre in Angel called City Roads, a place for people who self refer them selves and are High Risk / Priority.
I then asked to go to rehab because i dint feel strong enuough to survive on the outside just yet, and i had given my flat up in a desperate attempt to get away from the circles i was mixing with.
Of course as every good bourgh does they said no and i was refused, so i fought against it and appealed, and again they said no. But i continued and wrote a letter to the board of appeal (this is all in teh 3 weeks im detoxing) and eventualy they said yes. But with conditions.
I had to relocate, and do a Theraputic House.
Luckily for me this wasnt an issue, i wanted to be clean so was willing.
From here on the story changes and practicalities have nothing to do with how i stayed clean, its been a journey and ive been introduced to the people i needed at the time. Its been serendepity in motion, and i know its nothing to do with me. Theres other things at work. I was on 1-2-1 and my couclillor was a practising Buddhist. He offered to meditate with me, I had Reki, and later trained in it.
I went out to meetings, and worked the 12 steps in the program, and began to attempt to live and be the that. Reki is an importnat part of my life, as is meditation. And of course music. How i found the station i DJ on now was an amazing coincidence and also positive kama i belive.
Aswell being honest to myself and others helps, im like any “non-addict” aswell, i have days where i feel down but i dont deny them, just like the days i feel up i acknowledge them.
I learnt to ask for help, and not keep the pride i once had. I reached out, and still do to others to learn and also pass on. I stay connected to my roots too and do voluntary at the rehab.
I also have lots of fun, and love my DJing. Since ive been clean ive managed to play on 2 stations for over a year and been reliable and performed without nodding out or not turning up at all. All my gigs have gone brilliantly.
these things have helped me grow and make my esteem such that it becomes more valuable then drugs and alchol to me.
the way i feel and my family treat me, people in general, its just a normal life now but to me its a life im grateful for because once i was the person u walked past in the street and either felt sorry for or looked down on, and that person inside was dying.
All these things have helpd me along the way, ermm if thats an answer….:crazy_diz
Well to cut a long story as consise and condensed as i can it went something like this…..
Used All the raving drugs….. then on to Opiates and eventually Crack, and the 2 together speedballing.
This was the beginning of the end and im grateful in a paradox i found crack because the way i was going i might of been stuck on the opiates for a long time, i was managing to scrape together the money to feed that habbit, and the Great Doctors up and down the country as other people have said were only to happy in there infinate wisdom to help me along my way and prescribe me a number of other things to ease and numb my days….(into months into years….)
Well after going at it like a rocket and falling like a rokket, i cudnt take the depths of the spiritual void. Not that i knew exactly what it was at the time, untill i had a spiritual expirience.
I just felt dead from the inside out.
I got clean because id had enuf of feeling like that, time and time again, i attempted to get clean a few times, and then really crashed i felt so empty and like i had no direction, purpose, or meaning in life. And i didnt.
The logistics and practicalities of how i actually got clean were pretty standerd really and its not a privilage its a right to any human on in the UK and a number of other countries.
I went to a detox centre in Angel called City Roads, a place for people who self refer them selves and are High Risk / Priority.
I then asked to go to rehab because i dint feel strong enuough to survive on the outside just yet, and i had given my flat up in a desperate attempt to get away from the circles i was mixing with.
Of course as every good bourgh does they said no and i was refused, so i fought against it and appealed, and again they said no. But i continued and wrote a letter to the board of appeal (this is all in teh 3 weeks im detoxing) and eventualy they said yes. But with conditions.
I had to relocate, and do a Theraputic House.
Luckily for me this wasnt an issue, i wanted to be clean so was willing.
From here on the story changes and practicalities have nothing to do with how i stayed clean, its been a journey and ive been introduced to the people i needed at the time. Its been serendepity in motion, and i know its nothing to do with me. Theres other things at work. I was on 1-2-1 and my couclillor was a practising Buddhist. He offered to meditate with me, I had Reki, and later trained in it.
I went out to meetings, and worked the 12 steps in the program, and began to attempt to live and be the that. Reki is an importnat part of my life, as is meditation. And of course music. How i found the station i DJ on now was an amazing coincidence and also positive kama i belive.
Aswell being honest to myself and others helps, im like any “non-addict” aswell, i have days where i feel down but i dont deny them, just like the days i feel up i acknowledge them.
I learnt to ask for help, and not keep the pride i once had. I reached out, and still do to others to learn and also pass on. I stay connected to my roots too and do voluntary at the rehab.
I also have lots of fun, and love my DJing. Since ive been clean ive managed to play on 2 stations for over a year and been reliable and performed without nodding out or not turning up at all. All my gigs have gone brilliantly.
these things have helped me grow and make my esteem such that it becomes more valuable then drugs and alchol to me.
the way i feel and my family treat me, people in general, its just a normal life now but to me its a life im grateful for because once i was the person u walked past in the street and either felt sorry for or looked down on, and that person inside was dying.
All these things have helpd me along the way, ermm if thats an answer….:crazy_diz
Its good to hear…i believe that things happen for a reason an never lose faith in the future coz anything can happen, you wanted to change you made it happen…:horay: :flowers: …..good to hear a happy ending x peace
Nice one DJScripture. That was very enlightening. Passing some more Reiki vibes over would be very much appreciated. I’m gonna do a reiki course whilst in India.:love:
April will you stop posting that photo of that bottom. It looks so spankable. LOL:groucho: :groucho:
haha ew that looks like a baby’s bottom!
DJ! that was awesome to hear about how you worked so hard at something that comes so simply to others, but in the end it meant so much to you and is absolutely worth it! Im such an amazingly happy person, i am so lucky that i have so many positive people in my life, as i dont let any negatives in. But the fact that my best friend has this problem makes me feel so extraordinary that i was born with a really strong background and self worth that it would never happen to me, i just feel so luck, and i feel horrible that hes going through it, and i care for him and am trying to help him out as much as possible. i am so strong i should be the one if anyone to help this guy out, i can handle it, others i know cannot. i have no neglected myself in anyway ive only asked for help in certain situations that i had been unclear about, and can seek a higher power to look out for me.
RECENTLY hes been great, he picked up on a couple meetings, and last we spoke he is starting the 90 in 90 days this monday. BUT actually he just called, and fucking told me he wants to go to new york to hang out with his buddies (one bud who he used to do heroin with back in the day who just relapsed and “got clean”). i just FLIPPED OUT! im like listen, you havent done anything out of the ordinary to try to get better, i understand that youre detoxing (which for some reason he is still on methadone day number 12) but if your job is going to give u 2 weeks off for personal leave, and you want to go somewhere, it should be something with your family, or for yourself for spiritual reasons, not to party in NYC WHAT THE FUCK! im sorry i flipped out. i totally understand so many will say hes the drug addict he needs to be the one to decide what hes going to do, but you know what, he needs help with making decisions, hes been doing drugs for 14 years, he needs to be told whats wrong and whats right, like a child, how the fuck would he know better? if he did know the right things, he sure would not have been doing the drugs for this long. i am not an enabler, i basically told him how it was, and he realized, of course he didnt say OH THAT IS A BAD IDEA, but he just said well… it was just an idea, im not gonna do it… ugh, on top of that i was just freaking out cus he even sounded high on the phone, which made me even more pissed, and then we just started fighting about other stupid shit, which he manipulated the conversation sooo welll, holy shit, hes not smarter than me though, he thinks he got me, but he never does, i just dont even what to fight over something so ridiculous like going to NYC during recovery.
oh man sorry im just so heated right now, but how can i not be? he just told me how hes going to start those meetings, how hes not going to be drinkin, but now he thinks he can go to NYC, ahhh.my heads going to explode, he hasnt even began exercising or yoga, writing down why he wants to get clean, or coloring, or anything to help himself, only methadone, and like 2 meetings. hes gonna chase his new life just as hard as he chased that dragon, and thats whats so frustrating, cus hes not. I was just like hey why dont u ask the people at the meetings, what they woould think if you went to NYC, what would they do…?
i know im in this situation to only help him and love him and support him, which i am doing, he knows ill flip out cus i love him, which is good, i just hope it gets through to him, this is it, if u cant get better, we are over, your life is gonna be over, your rents are over it, your job, everything, hes going to end up in a fuckin casket if he doesnt take it seriously,
Alina:crazy_diz
respect to everyone who makes a real effort to get their lives back
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