NHS / urine samples..

Welcome To

NHS / urine samples..

This topic is empty.

Viewing 11 posts - 16 through 26 (of 26 total)

← 1 2

Author

Posts
October 1, 2008 at 3:03 pm

#741609
1

Tank Girl

@tank-girl

Member
There was a man up the road form us who I knew,
who’d walk round with tin foil on his head kept in place with a hair net,
to stop thoughts being put into his head
a pint glass with water and a ping pong ball in it with an eye drawn on it,

bless him he’d become unwell at art college with a bit too much LSD in the 60’s
October 1, 2008 at 3:13 pm

#741610
1

Tank Girl

@tank-girl

Member
djprocess;238083 wrote:

in which case your piss would be that horrible dark yellow, like you get the next morning after a night out :yakk:

syrup pee :yakk:

I’d not thought of that :you_crazy
October 9, 2008 at 4:20 pm

#741599
6

General Lighting

@general-lighting

Moderator
Staff
turned out it wasn’t that difficult to fill it without spilling any or getting it on my hands, but I did have a week to practice aim/flow control :laugh_at: Managed to get just the right amount in, slightly over 20ml but not enough to overflow.

Was quite pleased with myself TBH (apparently not being able to do this may be a sign of problems with bladder control)

The nurse just checked the sample with those coloured sticks, and none of the “bad” colours came up (that would mean I have some nasty chronic diseases). Got asked a bunch of medical questions, have to say I probably lied a bit about alcohol intake (didn’t want to get referred to some damn do gooder clinic)

I’m registered now, and as much as I have great respect for the fact the NHS is there to patch you up, hopefully that is the last I will see of the local doctor’s surgery for some months (I am usually fairly healthy….)
October 9, 2008 at 4:22 pm

#741600
6

General Lighting

@general-lighting

Moderator
Staff
oh and an even better result is that I left the house with 20ml of urine in a plastic bottle, but found a off licence I didn’t know existed and (after producing a challenge 21 card to get past a turnstile!!!) returned with 3 bottles of cheap (but drinkable) red wine :laugh_at:
October 10, 2008 at 6:35 pm

#741597
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
General Lighting;239298 wrote:

oh and an even better result is that I left the house with 20ml of urine in a plastic bottle, but found a off licence I didn’t know existed and (after producing a challenge 21 card to get past a turnstile!!!) returned with 3 bottles of cheap (but drinkable) red wine :laugh_at:

wee into wine .. thats one up on jezus :weee:
October 10, 2008 at 8:01 pm

#741602
1

globalloon

@globalloon

Member
@General Lighting 237976 wrote:

finally got round to registering with the local GP surgery – got to fill in this form which is fair enough, but they also want 20ml of urine.

1. what are the NHS checking for here? can understand if its things like diabetes or other chronic conditions, but would they screen for substances?

2. how are you supposed to fill this without pissing on your own hand?

1. ask. they can only legally check for anything that you give permission to check for

2. i was in a club toilet one time and i took a piss then started to walk out without washing my hands. this german bloke sais to me “in germany they teach us to wash our hands after we piss”. i said “in england they teach us not to piss on our hands”

maybe this german bloke is now working in the NHS
October 11, 2008 at 8:55 am

#741614
1

GiantMidget

@giantmidget

Member
globalloon;239595 wrote:

2. i was in a club toilet one time and i took a piss then started to walk out without washing my hands. this german bloke sais to me “in germany they teach us to wash our hands after we piss”. i said “in england they teach us not to piss on our hands”

:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:
October 11, 2008 at 9:24 am

#741611
1

Tank Girl

@tank-girl

Member
globalloon;239595 wrote:

2. i was in a club toilet one time and i took a piss then started to walk out without washing my hands. this german bloke sais to me “in germany they teach us to wash our hands after we piss”. i said “in england they teach us not to piss on our hands”

maybe this german bloke is now working in the NHS

A friend was in a club toilet having a slash when this rasta guy put his hand through the stream of piss, licked his hand and said ‘ you’ve been drinking rum’, my friend promptly ran away :laugh_at:
October 11, 2008 at 9:40 am

#741615
1

GiantMidget

@giantmidget

Member
Tank Girl;239616 wrote:

A friend was in a club toilet having a slash when this rasta guy put his hand through the stream of piss, licked his hand and said ‘ you’ve been drinking rum’, my friend promptly ran away :laugh_at:

Jesus thats wrong, imagine if your mate had been taking a shit instead??? :crazy:
October 11, 2008 at 10:07 am

#741601
6

General Lighting

@general-lighting

Moderator
Staff
globalloon;239595 wrote:

1. ask. they can only legally check for anything that you give permission to check for

2. i was in a club toilet one time and i took a piss then started to walk out without washing my hands. this german bloke sais to me “in germany they teach us to wash our hands after we piss”. i said “in england they teach us not to piss on our hands”

they did the test in front of me and I had full view of the papers. it was just the normal one (I am not a medical expert so can’t explain it fully but I have had it before and it was to make sure there wasn’t blood or too much sugar or some things called ketones etc in the urine).

Came up as a good result anyway which I am pleased about, as there is a history of diabetes in my family

I did manage to fill the container accurately and cleanly, not one stray drop :laugh_at:

@daftfader – I think Jesus didn’t need to pay a tenner though, nor produce a challenge 21 card before a turnstile was unlocked. In this area they’d think it was a fake, as his DOB would presumably be 25-12-9999 and he’d get picked up by the Safer Neighbourhood Team and then referred to a Church of England pastor to address his substance abuse issues :laugh_at:
October 11, 2008 at 11:55 am

#741598
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
General Lighting;239621 wrote:

they did the test in front of me and I had full view of the papers. it was just the normal one (I am not a medical expert so can’t explain it fully but I have had it before and it was to make sure there wasn’t blood or too much sugar or some things called ketones etc in the urine).

Came up as a good result anyway which I am pleased about, as there is a history of diabetes in my family

I did manage to fill the container accurately and cleanly, not one stray drop :laugh_at:

@daftfader – I think Jesus didn’t need to pay a tenner though, nor produce a challenge 21 card before a turnstile was unlocked. In this area they’d think it was a fake, as his DOB would presumably be 25-12-9999 and he’d get picked up by the Safer Neighbourhood Team and then referred to a Church of England pastor to address his substance abuse issues :laugh_at:

haha yeah i have often thought if the second comming of jesuz happened in this day and age he would just get locked up in a mental asylum:you_crazy
Author

Posts

Viewing 11 posts - 16 through 26 (of 26 total)

← 1 2

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.