Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.
Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men’s restroom?
A: Say, “Nice dick.”
Q: How do you know you’re leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, “Let’s just be friends.”
Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?
A: An itchy, twitchy ****.
Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don’t work.
Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don’t get some support soon, people are going to think we’re nuts.
Q: Why don’t bunnies make noise when they make love?
A: Because they have cotton balls.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A: A cock that stays up all night.
Q: Mom’s have Mother’s Day, Father’s have Father’s Day. What do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday
Q: Why is being in the military like a *******?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.
Q: What is the leading cause of death with lesbians?
A: Hair balls
Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?
A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive
Q: What can Life Savers do that men cannot?
A: Come in five flavours
Q: What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
A: Crust
Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork
Q: How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
A: By sticking your finger in his honey
Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
A: Both can smell it… but they can’t eat it
Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q: What’s the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.
Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snow blower coming.
Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky’s cheeks so puffy?
A: She’s withholding evidence
Q: Why is sex like a bridge game?
A: You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand.
Q: What does a dog do that a boy steps into?
A: A lump of ****. no wait.. pants.
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an altar boy
Q: What do you call an amish farmer with his arm halfway up his horses ***?
A: A mechanic
Q: Why did the elephant paint his balls red?
A: So he could hide in the cherry tree.
Q: What is the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: A giraffe eating cherries.
Q: Why does santa have such a big sack?
A: Cos he only comes once a year.
Q: How do you define a “tough girl”
A: She kickstarts her own vibrator, or she rolls her own tampons
Q: What do you get if you cross a nun with a computer?
A: A system that won’t go down.
