Party Vibe

My name is Connor Shannon, and this is my story…

The legal highs I was taking were synthetic cannabinoids.

Chapter 1 – “You Can Just Buy Weed From a Shop”

It all started in August 2012, I’ll always look back on this day as the destroyer of life, and not just my life, the thousands of legal high addicts still taking the drug right now.

Me and a few friends we’re out on the weekend. It was still summer and the weather was fantastic. Not a cloud in sight. We were trying to get our “Weekend Fix” of Cannabis. Phoning up a countless amount of dealers who all replied with, “Sorry got none in”. We seen this guy in person who we knew sold cannabis every now and then. As we were out trying to get our fix together, we decided to approach him and ask him if he could get some for us. He said, and this sentence is still stuck in my head, “You can just buy weed from a shop”. None of us had ever even heard of these “legal high shops” and us being us, gave him £10 to get some.

Sure enough this guy comes back from a shop called “Smokey Joes” in Barnstaple, with a little packet that said “Weed” on it. It smelt horrible, full of man-made chemicals to make a synthetic cannabinoid. He rolled up a joint and we wasn’t sure about smoking it at first. He started smoking it, he had three drags and passed it to a friend. He had three drags and passed it to me. This moment was the bane of my life…

I also had three drags, and passed it on to another friend of mine. My head started spinning and it felt so weird! I looked over to my left and the friend I passed it too was staring at his hands saying, “Wooooaaaah maaan look at my haaands”. We all burst into laughter and I was actually in tears due to laughing that much. I can’t remember what happened after that.

Chapter 2 – Becoming an Addiction

Since then, instead of buying Cannabis on the weekend, it became easier just to walk into a shop and get our “Fix” instantly. I was underage and the shop owner knew I was but he used to serve me anyway. I was only 15 at the time. It started off as just a social thing, where we would all chip in some money to get it. I was the only person who could get served so it was me going in there every weekend.

Over time, it started to become a problem and I would smoke it by myself at night. I would waste every last bit of money I had to get the drug, even stealing a couple of quid off my parents to get more money. I started selling my xbox games to get more cash. Eventually selling my brothers games too which I strongly regret. When you have a drug dependency, you will do anything to get the drug. My friends started to realise I had developed an addiction and would rarely hang round with me. I don’t blame them because whenever I was out I was drugged up. People wouldn’t reply to my messages, and I started to feel depressed and shut myself away from the world. It became an endless circle of struggle to get money, and when I had the money…buy drugs. I use to contemplate killing myself, it felt like the only escape from the drug.

This went on for two years and I decided to move to Torquay for a bit to try and find Dad and escape the drugs. I was told if I was to go down there I would never be allowed back,

Chapter 3 – Searching for Dad

I didn’t even know where my real dad lived in Torquay, but I knew he was there, It was so scary when I got to Exeter St. Davids. I spent the last bit of money I had on a £9.50 single to Torquay, there was no going back now. When I arrived in Torquay, I went into every chippy, pub and shop asking if they knew my Dad, eventually, after a few hours of thinking I was going to be sleeping rough and searching, someone said yes.

They contacted my Dad and he came to see me straight away, and when I moved down there from Barnstaple and completely cut out the drug out, my body went through major withdrawal for the first time…

Chapter 4 – The First Major Withdrawal…

The food I tried to eat would just come back up, I wasn’t used to eating when I wasn’t stoned so my body would just reject it. I would find myself in the bathroom urging, but as there was no food in my body there was nothing to come up. I couldn’t urinate or pass feces due to the stress my body was going through. I couldn’t sleep as I wasn’t stoned and I would experience Auditory and Visual hallucinations all night due to sleep deprivation. My bladder was full but I couldn’t wee, it was horrible. It felt like I was constantly going to wet myself. I contacted the doctors and was diagnosed with a urine infection. Too much Nitrate in the bladder and I was prescribed anti-biotics and laxatives. That night was the worst.

It had been a whole week since I went down to Torquay. It felt like I needed to urinate at about 2200. I didn’t manage to pee but I noticed some skin discolouration on the side of my penis that I had never noticed before. I panicked and thought I had testicular cancer or something. I was taken to the hospital and this is where is gets even worse. I told the receptionist that I would be in the toilet just incase I wet myself. When I walked into the toilet, I caught myself in the mirror and everything started to go crazy. The walls started spinning and the colours got bright and intense. This would be my first psychotic episode.

I panicked and tried to find a doctor. Everyone was staring at me and my vision went all blotchy. I had a panic attack and thought I was going to die. For the next four hours would be the worst of my entire life, up to the time of writing this documentary.

My accent kept changing and I would talk about random subjects I wasn’t interested in. I was put into a room with bodyguards. I couldn’t stop walking forwards and backwards, constantly scratching my head and splashing water on my face…all in the same order. I would walk forwards and backs scratching my head, then splash water on my face. I was hearing people whispering my name and I thought I was going mad. It was absolutely terrifying and I was scared I was going to stay like that forever, It still feels like that day never really happened.

After four hours and the episode had ended, a doctor looked at my penis and said it was just skin discolouration and nothing to be worried about. She asked me about my drug history and I told her everything. I said that my body was going through withdrawal and I hadn’t been eating. I was aloud to go outside for a cigarette, I ended up throwing up nothing but a tiny white ball. I had to stay in hospital for days to be monitored. The withdrawal symptoms started to calm down and I could eat wet foods such as weetabix and apples. My body felt so weak as It had no food for for a whole week, I lost so much weight in that 10 days, but I managed to get back to normal.

Chapter 5 – All’s Good, or is it?

It was my 18th Birthday shortly after being discharged from the hospital, and I invested my birthday money into my art career. I made a few pieces on canvas and took them down to a local art gallery who were happy to try and sell them for me. They never sold after a month so I took them back.

My Dad let me stay living with him for that month and I managed to find my own flat at Torbay Foyer. I went down to the jobcentre weeks before and sorted everything out by myself. Managed to get £53.40/week Income Support for finding a college course and £30/week from the college. The flat was only £12.40 a week(Supported Accommodation) but I would strongly regret moving in there.

The people in there would be smoking legal highs, all night, every night. Listening to heavy bass till five in the morning on college nights. I could never sleep due to the walls vibrating, and I would be shattered everyday for college. The smell of the drug would seep up through the ceiling, and I phoned my Mum and told her I wanted to come home.

The next day, I packed my bags, ordered my train ticket, went to college in the morning and told my friends where I was going. They were perfectly understanding and wished me the best of luck.

Chapter 6 – Back Home

Me and my brother started hanging around more again and it was brilliant.

I focused on my artwork and getting a job. I applied for a job in February at a Floor Laying Shop and they was very happy to take me on as an apprentice.

The first couple of months was great, I had money, moped was back on the road and life couldn’t have been better. I was out socialising with my friends all the time and going out clubbing every weekend. Life was great, I opened up a savings account and started getting driving lessons. My dreams started coming back to me and I got interested in wildlife again. My step-dad bought me a Bearded Dragon as a late Christmas Present and I decided to name him Turkish, after the film Snatch. Tom Early gave me another Bearded Dragon and I decided to name him Delight. So it’s Turkish Delight?

Chapter 7 – The Relapse

I’m not going to name any names, and I could have said no but I felt pressured into smoking Cannabis at a house in Bideford, it felt quite weird and since then I started smoking legal highs again.

At first it was just one joint a night like before, but then it turned into two joints a night. Then it was as soon as I finish work I needed one, I would get cravings if I didn’t have it. I started smoking it as soon as I woke up before work, and hourly when I got home from work. It became so much of a problem so fast, my tolerance for the drug increased and I would have to smoke loads to get a similar feeling. Due to the tolerance going up, I would have to spend £50 a week to get 9gs, and sometimes that wouldn’t be enough. My body would wake itself up every 2 hours during the night to get the drug, and I would have to quietly go outside without waking anyone. I never actually enjoyed the feeling it gave me, I just needed it to function. My close friends started to realise it was becoming a problem again and no one would talk to me. Again, people would have “Seen” my message asking to meet on facebook and never reply. I started to feel more and more depressed and shut myself away from the world again. It was just a downward spiral and it wasn’t till 2 weeks ago I realised how unhealthy I was and decided to make a change.

The next paragraph it quite disgusting so read it if you wish or skip the paragraph.

My body would sometimes flush itself, where I would be sick and have to pass feces, this happened 3 times randomly, I would just start to feel sick and have to run to the toilet. I was being sick all over my feet while passing feces at the same time. Screaming for help while I was being sick and everyone was asleep. There was so much sick and ___ that the whole downstairs toilet floor was covered. I told mum what happened and I had to clean it up with a dustpan, hence why we don’t have a dustpan anymore…

Chapter 8 – The Second Major Withdrawal…

I had the idea of writing this documentary on Day 2 of completely cutting out the drug. I was hand writing the next part at the time in my journal. It included my thought processes and withdrawal symptoms at the time of writing.

Day 2:

2124 – I feel so weak, I still haven’t slept since yesterday. I’m not used to eating when I’m not stoned so my body has rejected the food I ate. I feel so ill, my body temperature is constantly high, I’m sweating at random times & there are cold sweats too. I’m not sure how I’m going to make it over the next few days but I know that I can. Gunna buy some sleep tablets for tonight….

Day 3:

0700 – I’m very hungry, however I’m scared the food I am about to eat will just come back up, the sleeping tablets didn’t help and I’ve only had 3-4 hours sleep. However, I know I can get through this.
1245 – I’m absolutely starving, so I shall try and force myself to eat wet foods such as weetabix and apples. I’m beginning to start losing my temper really easily. I do actually have some drugs(this ones called Annihilation) so if I did want one I could, however I want to stop.

1303 – Again, my body is trying to reject the food I’m eating and I feel sick.

1540 – I still haven’t been sick yet and I actually feel really good. It’s gunna be a while before I can get back into a regular sleeping pattern but it will be worth it. I’m sweating at the moment but I’m cold.

1630 – I’ve been invited to a party for once…slightly weird.

Day 4:

0945 – Friends threw me a surprise party last night for sorting myself out, they bought me booze, a cake and a card that said “Hap-pea Days” with a picture of a pea and I honestly cried with joy. We got pissed up & it was hilarious, I pulled an all nighter as it’s the middle of summer and it was light when I started to sober up. I went for a walk when everyone had a morning nap and it felt like I’d walked forever but I only travelled about 50m. I was confused and delusional. I got a lift back with another friend in the morning and he was really happy to hear about me not smoking legals any more. I got home at about 7.30AM and went straight to sleep. It felt like I had been in bed forever but when I looked at the time is was 9.30AM. I woke up feeling refreshed and got out of bed.

2130 – All day It’s felt like I was just gunna throw up after I’ve eaten, however after 5-10 minutes later and a glass of water I was fine. I’ve been out socialising with friends today and it was really enjoyable. I’m home now, absolutely shattered. I’ve got work in the morning so really should be getting off. Condog Out.

Day 5:

0622- Woke up and couldn’t breathe, I struggled to find my breath and had a panic attack, I thought I was going to die. I controlled my breathing after about 20 minutes. I managed to make it through to the kitchen and make a bowl of shreddies but I’ve only had 2 mouthfuls and my body wants to reject it.

0700 – It was a horrible night’s sleep. I can’t sleep without the drug and the lack of sleep has caused Auditory and Visual hallucinations all night. I have no energy and feel I’m about to drop, I’ve just threw up my stomach lining as well. I’m waking mum to take me to the Hospital this is too much.

0720 – I rang my boss and left him a message of what was going on.

0835 – Boss rang me back telling me I could have 3 days off to sort myself out. I was prescribed Promethazine(Works on the histamine system and directly on the brain so I can’t get dependent on it) to help me sleep tonight, I got discharged at 1300 and walked 2km to a friends house who wasn’t in. Just by walking that far I had no energy and I couldn’t even hold my own bodyweight. My breathing went out of control and I had to lie down. A guy seen me and came out with a twix and a glass of water. I gobbled down and I was fine. I think I have diabetes. I’ve completely changed my diet since I stopped smoking synthetic cannabinoids. I’ve made an appointment and my tests are on wednesday.

Day 6:

0730 – Woke up not being able to breath again, I ran and got a can of coke, downed it and I was fine, what’s with these attacks?

2017 – I went in town earlier to get an urgent same day diabetes test and one person told me I could and another told me I couldn’t. I wen’t into work and told my boss I was getting a Diabetes test and he sacked me there and then. I said that’s unfair dismissal, I’ll sue you for everything you’ve got. He was shaking and said “Fuck off and get out of my shop!” In the time I went to get my diabetes test, the shop was locked and he was long gone. Just by walking to my moped in town earlier, I had another attack in the car park. I was calling for help people and were just walking past me till an Asian man ran and got me a can of coke and chocolate. If you’re reading this right now, thank you! After downing it and eating a couple of biscuits I was fine. I couldn’t stop thanking him. I drove home and had some food.

2100 – Lets hope these tablets work..

Day 7:

1000 – Wow, 8 hours sleep, no cravings and I’ve realised how valuable life is.

1600 – I feel so happy and energetic, I’m eating properly and life couldn’t be better.

Day 8 – Test results came back and guess what? My blood sugar levels are fine! I’m so relieved. If you are a drug addict, you can give it up. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a drug addiction. It’s in your subconscious mind then. The power of the human mind is amazing, and you can do anything if you have the willpower to do it – Connor.

Blurb

My name is Connor Shannon, and this is my story…

Read about the life and recovery of a legal high addict. Ranging from the the Uppers and Downers, to the relapse that destroyed him. Find out about the withdrawal symptoms and thought processes he was going through at the time, and how dirty these “Legal Highs” really are. It’s legal for you to drink petrol… but would you?