Party Vibe

I’m making a long reply to your other thread about counseling, but I’ll just say this here …

It seams like one of your main issues is how you view your self. You seem to be being unreasonably hard on your self. This really wont help you get over these issues, and could partly be the cause of them. The more you tell your self your “pathetic” and the likes, the more you affirm that image of your self to your self. It’s like practice makes perfect … the more you do something the more it sticks in your mind and the more natural it becomes. This can work in a negative way as well. If you think about the way advertising works … they repeat the same mantra over and over to get their product to stick in your mind. By keep telling your self you are “pathetic” and “lack confidence” the more true it will become as you’re convincing your self it is true.

At the moment you may feel like you don’t have much confidence, you certainly aren’t pathetic though. You’d be surprised at how many people are actually really nervous and lack confidence behind their tough exteriors’ (like you around your family for example). Confidence is a state of mind, not a fixed unchangeable thing. The more you try and coax your self into believing you can be confident, and try hard enough to achieve it the more likely it will happen. This wont happen if you keep telling your self the opposite of what you’re trying to achieve.

Now I’m not saying lie to your self, ok so you’re not feeling confident at the moment. Don’t worry about it and just realize that you can learn to have confidence and train your self to relax in situations you may not normally relax in. You firstly need to break the mental cycle of taking out your frustration on your self by belittling yourself to yourself. The only thing you will achieve by doing that is to go backwards. It’s not easy at first, the first part of anything you’re not used to doing is normally always the hardest, but again like anything it’ll get easier as time goes on and you learn to deal with the issues and develop coping strategies.

I’m gonna go into more details in your other thread as I’d already started writing a reply there. 😉

I think you need to get under yourself mate, sounds weird I know, but what I mean is the opposite of get over yourself. You’d tell an overly confident or arrogant person that they’re not as supreme as they think where as I’m telling you you are better than you perceive yourself. Also you’re not an ugly guy at all.

Don’t take this the wrong way but I can’t be bothered going into great detail now as we have loads of similar posters to you that pose these sort of questions then don’t even return to see our responses. If I see you make a return I will gladly offer further advice.

Peace.

kind of similar vibe to other response, but you’re putting a lot of emphasis on needing these things. you dont choose who goes to school with you and when i was at school i didn’t have many ‘good’ friends, but it doesn’t mean you need to judge yourself. social life at school can be a bit like being part of a herd that looks to iron out differences between each other through judgement. perhaps you are too individual for this.

learn to love yourself and be grateful for what you have. if you focus on what you dont have, you can never really appreciate what you do, and also if you relent your focus on what you dont have, you’ll probably find that whenever it does come into your life, it will feel natural and not like its something you’ve been starved of.

again its not easy to tell your mind whats what, especially so young, but continually judging yourself, comparing yourself to others isnt good for the soul. i’m sure there are so many endearing things about you and as time passes will find your preferred company.

one helpful thing in this mind game of self worth may be to practice sharing your ‘weaknesses’ or ‘deficiencies’. its an outward movement of energy that reiterates to your inner self that you’re comfortable where you are, what your environment brings, you’re ok if you dont get everything the ego desires, and you’re grateful for what you have… but also it allows other’s to have space and feel comfortable around you by not continually battering them with a facade of how ‘great’ you are (writes in full knowledge that this exercise is motivated in part by ego >.>)

so yeh, you meet a girl and she asks about your various social circles and all their nuances… just tell her flat; ‘i dont have friends currently.’ dont say it with sad tone, dont drop your head. there is nothing wrong with this. and when you do you may notice a weird thing happen; you feel comfortable, and she will see this, and if she’s not so caught with her own demons that she needs someone with social outlets then she’l feel this vibe from you, and probably she’l appreciate that and be happy knowing she’l have plenty of time to spend with this independent you.

of course you can go back to your old friends. nothing is ever permanent and nothing to feel bad about. its not a regression, it doesn’t show weakness…or maybe it does, does it matter tho?… probably not. the thing is, you probably moved away from those friends for a reason; perhaps you just dont have that much interest with them; thats fine, move on, plenty of options of how to spend your time.

you look good in the photo. im sure you can pimp it if you like. is there an irony that there is a depiction of a crucified man above you’re head?… its interesting that confusion, mental distortion, feeling of lack of worth etc seem to go hand in hand with environments that have a dense energy from prescribed theism. in religious areas there tends to be more emphasis on the importance of things, moments, success, failure, worth, punishment (and of course; a willingness to blindly accept information…) whereas in secular areas; eventualities, although still fuelled by ego seem somehow less relevant… at least on a cosmic level.

without getting tooo deep, ‘i’ feel that part of your mental suffering is caused by a continuous gap between the things you have and the things you’d like to have. i feel like this is one of the greatest misgivings of ‘society’ as it is: you’re are constantly assaulted with a message from the people at the ‘top’ to the media, to the people in your immediate life;- that you need to add things to yourself to be complete. but the truth (which will hopefully be the downfall of ‘society’) is that there is no-thing you can add to yourself. there is nothing you can buy, no experience you can have that is going to complete you. an empowering secret might be that you are already there, right now!… and you don’t need to do anything… 🙂

our difficulty is that we are born into an already fully conceptualised environment which we’re plugged with, literally before we’ve had a chance to think, and purposefully so. the continuous and relentless oppression of the mind begins and continues through our lives; a constant rhetoric of how we should think and feel… its loud, forceful and luring like a carrot that is and has been dangled in front of our nose since before we knew what a carrot was… but, this isn’t everything although plenty would like us to believe otherwise: we can still remember that our human environment of invention and concept is merely a superimposed structure, and like all structures will at some point collapse. so really there are 2 parts of our environment: one is loud, invasive and is continuously telling us that we need more things, and that struggle and suffering is a necessary part in attaining them. the 2nd is quiet and discreet. what is it telling? anything??…; the last warm rays of sun falling on your face at the end of a hot day, the sound of birds chirping in the trees, the dog rolling on the grass playing with a squeaky toy, the rain pattering against the window… this may seem a dum question; in the world of mind these things tell you nothing and that there are plenty of conceptual things more important in past and future to worry about out because you need to keep adding things to yourself and worry about maintaining all the things you’ve previously added to yourself… but as soon as you relinquish these past and future worries you can feel the awe that is… and you can really enjoy the yourself in this incredible but yet somewhat confusing passage of experience you’ve been gifted.

we’re living in a magical moment, but its easy to get lost and forget sometimes 🙂

raa this is long ^^

…just read though your post again. my parents also separated when i was a teen. it can be a really challenging time… but also just being a teen is often really challenging it would seem. its a time of life i think of where the intensity level of everything seems to be set on ‘high’. but as someone who hasnt been a teen for quite a while, i can tell you from my own experience (not anyone elses) that life does not continue with this same level of drama. thats not to say you can’t make your life into a big drama if you like… this is something thats hard to describe, but you will go through various energies throughout your life. teenage energy is quite intense. just hang in, make an effort to unwind and relax where possible, there’s going to be lots to enjoy 🙂

@The Psyentist 556528 wrote:

I think you need to get under yourself mate, sounds weird I know, but what I mean is the opposite of get over yourself. You’d tell an overly confident or arrogant person that they’re not as supreme as they think where as I’m telling you you are better than you perceive yourself. Also you’re not an ugly guy at all.

Don’t take this the wrong way but I can’t be bothered going into great detail now as we have loads of similar posters to you that pose these sort of questions then don’t even return to see our responses. If I see you make a return I will gladly offer further advice.

Peace.

Surprise surprise, they never returned. Must not have had the confidence eh?

@korno 556817 wrote:

i know i hate it too, makes you not want to bother at all

Yeah I’m sick of helping people, both in and out of PV, but not getting help myself.