What is Methadone?

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September 28, 2007 at 3:04 pm

#718252
1

d.r.e.a.m

@d-r-e-a-m

Member
i am sorry if i offended you..i did not mean this what i wos thinking is that it is sometimes better to be blunt and to the point with some people i did read everything you wrote and condole with you compleatly as i know exactly what its like to come off smack.. i have done it a few times and in my experiance it is best to just do it put up with being sick for a few days as it realy dosent take long..i hope you are doing ok realy i do and as i said i apolagise for offending you..hope you get through this ok..:group_hug
September 28, 2007 at 3:52 pm

#718269
1

ladywolf

@ladywolf

Member
Raj wrote:

well done for joinnng and posting there ladywolf :group_hug

I read your posts and I think that you also need to address your pain inside while you are dealing with the detox process. You need to learn to love yourself again and forgive yourself for your past mistakes while being tough enough to stick to your detox plan :group_hug

Any thoughts on that?

Most of the people who knows my story said that the most important thing in my case, i really have to fix the inside first then the outside. Or else i will keep on back to H again over and over again
September 28, 2007 at 3:58 pm

#718270
1

ladywolf

@ladywolf

Member
d.r.e.a.m wrote:

i am sorry if i offended you..i did not mean this what i wos thinking is that it is sometimes better to be blunt and to the point with some people i did read everything you wrote and condole with you compleatly as i know exactly what its like to come off smack.. i have done it a few times and in my experiance it is best to just do it put up with being sick for a few days as it realy dosent take long..i hope you are doing ok realy i do and as i said i apolagise for offending you..hope you get through this ok..:group_hug

yes, dream, i accepted your apology. At least you are being a man, or a woman for that matter, and fair and brave and just, to come up and say ; hey i am sorry.
Some people just kept their mouth shut and never say they are sorry even though the things that they did are more than sorry
September 28, 2007 at 4:45 pm

#718271
1

ladywolf

@ladywolf

Member
i have move my posts on the opiates forum to here :
http://www.heroin-detox.com/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=14552

they arent replying as quick as u guys in partyvibe…they replied rarely…which makes me kind of a bit disappointed
October 4, 2007 at 10:54 am

#718272
1

ladywolf

@ladywolf

Member
from day to day i am starting to get all my mind together and refuse any distractions. I need to quit. I put on my willpower together.

Now i am starting to reduce my heroin dose dramatically. From 0.5 gram a day to 0.5 gram for 2 days. Which means 0.25gram a day. Now i am trying to go to 0.1gram a day.

Mostly i spend my day in bed, sleeping. When i woke up and fell uneasy, then i took several puffs just to get my body feels better and not until i get high.

I look at it as an analgesic. And i feel sick and guilty and miserable when i get high. Anyway the heroin in here that i got is a bad ass heroin. I dont know whether it is my prayer has come true or whatever, but something is happening to me.

I start to get sick and feel sick if i take heroin. I dont enjoy it anymore. It doesnt taste good to me. It is so weird. I mean, i never has this kind of feeling before. As an addict, i always has love getting high.

But now i feel sick of it. I am sick of it.

This thread will continue as my diary i guess…, so whatever happens in my life..is whatever i will write in here
October 4, 2007 at 10:57 am

#718248
1

Playground Politics

@playground-politics

Member
moderators as its a diary, maybe change the title to something a little more self explanatory
October 4, 2007 at 11:15 am

#718208
1

Raj

@raj

Member
Keep doing it ladywolf :group_hug

Its very tough where you are and we know that :group_hug but you need to do this for yourself.

The loss of enjoyment is a good thing really as it will means you are ready top do it IMO and that you will be really happy when you get to a clean point in your life.

What are your plans for your life beyond heroin? What is it you want to do?

Keep going ladywolf raaa

😉 I find the games arcade here

http://www.partyvibe.com/vbulletin/arcade.php

is a good distraction if I feel bad and I know I just have to grit my teeth and get through it
October 4, 2007 at 11:33 am

#718159
1

Louis Theroux

@louis-theroux

Participant
Playground Politics wrote:

moderators as its a diary, maybe change the title to something a little more self explanatory

Done…
October 4, 2007 at 11:35 am

#718160
1

Louis Theroux

@louis-theroux

Participant
Dr Bunsen wrote:

Done…

I’ve renamed the thread in relation to e-babe’s rehab diary…
October 4, 2007 at 12:01 pm

#718273
1

ladywolf

@ladywolf

Member
thank u so much guys for the constant support.

Continuing my diary : whenever i sleep, i mostly always end up with bad dreams. I dont understand why ? Is it because i sleep too much? Or i sleep less? Or i did not sleep at the normal sleeping time range? sometimes i sleep when the rest of the world is awake~ and i am awake when the rest of the world are sleeping…

Or is it because of the antidepressant pills that i drink?
Or is it because of the opiates? Does any of u who uses opiate before also has bad dreams like me almost everytime u sleep?

That is also one of the thing that is pressing me down. While fighting with the AWS (acute withdrawal symptom) , it is best when u go to sleep. But whenever i sleep, i always end up having a nightmare or a bad story dream.
So pressuring me! Sleeping is torture, staying awake is also torture. This is Hell!

I am a christian, and i ALWAYS asked Him everynight ; God, where are u? come and live in me, set me free, give me the strength to let go, Help me!

sometimes the prayers help me when i am unable to sleep.It has calming effects.

However, i just ate sleeping pills just now. It is supposed to make me fall asleep until tomorrow evening. So i can suppress my dose even lower if i start taking H in the evening and nothing from now (9pm night time) until then(when i wake up tomorrow evening)
October 4, 2007 at 1:15 pm

#718209
1

Raj

@raj

Member
The bad dreams could be from the anti-depressants, a side effect from use of the sleeping tablets or possibly the heroin withdrawl….

The opiates can cause vivid dreams which seem to last forever when you are taking them – perhaps the lowered dose means you are noticing these effects instead of just being knocked out/high when you take the heroin.
Some sleeping tablets cause weird dreams as a side effect as do some anti depressants – sorry thats not very helpful.

Bad dreams could also be your way of working through some of your issues [You have mentioned emotional problems etc] and you as you are now coming off heroin it is the right time to be dealing with them?
October 4, 2007 at 2:15 pm

#718253
1

d.r.e.a.m

@d-r-e-a-m

Member
well done girl sounds to me like youve hit the first step and that is the hateing doing it you now need to keep this feeling and work on things from here i mean when or if you start feeling bad just remember how shit and dirty the stuff is i went thro exactly the same thing when i came of so i know what you mean.well done with the cutting down to i would say your half way there keep going and being positive.:group_hug
October 5, 2007 at 12:41 pm

#718274
1

ladywolf

@ladywolf

Member
last night..after i took my sleeping pills, i slept but surprisingly i woke up just 2 hours later. I feel like shit. But then my phone rang. It is my parents who called. I was so glad to hear from them!

And my dad told me, at last he is going to sacrifice for me. He is going to sell this apartment in shanghai where i live in now, and support me to go to Los Angeles or Berlin.

My dreams. Those were my long live dream.To go to LA or going back living in germany.

I just cannot stand living in shanghai.With the local people spitting everywhere, the chaotic city with too many people in it.I hate it. I regret ever coming here and i really want to go to the western countries.

Suddenly as if a light of hope came into my life. suddenly i feel my spirit rose high. I just need to put this apartment into advertisement or ask century21 guys to help me sell this apartment.

What i also do hope is my dad would not change his mind. Because he is the indecisive type of person who likes to change his mind every now and then.

I cannot tell u how suddenly i feel alive again as there is a light of hope in my life.

From tomorrow on i will start to go to house agencies and start putting this apartment on sale.

Pray for me folks, that someone will buy this apartment soon enough.So i can fly to germany or LA.

I am thinking of berlin instead of LA. I love europe. They are peace and quiet and beautiful city. i used to live in berlin before and i fall in love with the city.

However, i still stay on o.25mg a day, i tried to cut it straight to 0.1mg but then it was too much for me. So i’ll take it slower. but with the spirit i have now, i will have no problem quiting right away once this apartment is really sold out and i am ready to go!

I will do anything to be able to fly down and live in germany again. And this heroin wont stop me from doing so.
October 5, 2007 at 12:56 pm

#718243
1

Digital-A

@digital-a

Member
go for it mate, sounds like real enthausiasm in your post, i wish you all the best 🙂

tomm
October 5, 2007 at 12:58 pm

#718249
1

Playground Politics

@playground-politics

Member
thats such good news!!!, please prove ur parents wrong, that u will quite, this is ur way out, and uve been given such good news. call it god allah budda mothernature fate, whatever, the tides have turned and u will be given an opportunity to live again
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