@know_hope 549169 wrote:
all interpretations of heaven sound boring, i’d much rather be here and now.
I was brought up as a Catholic and by those standards I’ve only narrowly escaped eternal damnation due to an incident in London where I saved a runaway pram (the mum had been jostled in Lewisham high street and had accidentally let go of the handles and the pram was on its way into the main road and heavy traffic). this was when I was a unhealthy druggie “student” who smoked near enough 40 cigarettes a day and that amount of running nearly half killed me.
So I’d probably end up in Purgatory, which I’ve always imagined to be like a endless corridor and the Facilities Department of the afterlife, like a really sketchy building maintenance company.
It might not be so bad though – I’d expect many of my colleagues to be Irish, Polish and Fillipino so I’d get on well with them and could have a good drink after work, but it would be a endless list of jobs in the daytime (like fixing the lamps to guide people to salvation, as they keep blowing out when Satan fires up the furnace and puts a surge on the mains), making sure the firey furnaces do not go out as the brimstone will corrode the burners, providing a supply of harp strings and trumpet valves to angels and the admin staff would mostly likely be old nuns using 300 series manual telephone switchboards and PYE VHF radios to contact the mobile workers.
but I reckon I could blag a cushty job, as all the cats in the afterlife would get everywhere they were not wanted.
on the top levels the Holy Father himself will want to sit down on his throne like in all them paintings, but he can’t if there’s cute kittens sat there already because he can’t just push them off as he has to set a good example. And down below I can think of many cats (especially Siamese and Bengals) who would prefer Hell as its warmer, and they can get away with meowing loudly in peoples ears to torment them. But even Satan would complain that they have shredded up his Daily Mail and knocked everything from his desk and pissed in the corners and even he can’t put up with that.
So I could blag the nuns that I can sort out the cat problem by meowing at them (this is not a sin anywhere in the world) – that way I can get the master key to the afterlife, and climb into any part of it via the service risers, no one asks any questions as I’m just “the random Asian guy sent to fix stuff” and herding cats isn’t too much hassle when you have all eternity to do it 😉
