Forums › Life › Jokes & Humour › write me a joke
A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table:
“To My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please Don’t be upset – I shall be home before midnight.”
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
“My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference – 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.”
how do you get four hippos in a mini?
Open the door.
simple things, simple minds
Three women are up for execution a blonde a redhead and a brunnette.
The brunettes up first and the executioner asks if she has a last requests she answers no so the executioner says ready aim..just then the brunnette shouts EARTHQUAKE everyone runs for cover and the lady escapes.
Next up is the readhead,”any last requests?” no she says.
Executioner says ready aim… the redhead shouts TORNADO everyone dives for cover and the redhead escapes.
Next up is the Blonde who by now has a good idea of whats been going on.
Any last requests? no says the blonde
Ready Aim and the Blonde shouts FIRE!!!
Bubba died in a horrible fire.At the morgue his two best friends are there to identify the body.
his face is burnt right off says the mortician,you may have trouble identifying him.
No problem say his two mates turn him over,so the mortician flips the body over.bubbas two mates look at the body and say “no that aint bubba”
How can u tell? says the mortician
well they reply bubba had two assholes,we know cos everytime we went out people used to say here comes bubba with those two assholes.
Open the door.
simple things, simple minds
How do you get 4 elephants in a mini?
2 in the back. 2 in the front.
I like Chemical Brother…. he is on my humor wavelength 😉 😉 😉 😉
:sick_toot:sick_toot:sick_toot
ok heres my two pence worth
why didnt the life gaurd save the hippy —-cos he was to far out
whats pink and hard —-a pig with a flick knife
whats grandad got thats pink and wrinkly —-grandma
how do you get 2 whales in a car —- up the m4 and across the severn bridge (better spoken than written down)
>> Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie
>> went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old
>> grandmother and comfort her.
>>
>> When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
>> “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”
>>
>> Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years
>> old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
>>
>> “Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our
>> advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church
>> bells would start to ring.
>>
>> It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even … Nothing too
>> strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”
>>
>> She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, “He’d still be alive if
>> the ice cream van hadn’t come along.”
A kid gets sent back home from high school.
His mum asks him “Why are you home so early?”
He says “I got sent back home because the boy next to me was smoking”.
His mum says “so why did they send you home?”
He replies – “it was me that set him on fire!”
PMSL @ the last two!
Here’s my contribution for the day:
Dumb and Dumber…
A mother and father took their six-year-old son to a nude beach. As the
Boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs
Bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why. She told her son, “The
bigger they
Are the dumber the person is.”
Pleased with the answer, the boy goes to play in the ocean but returns
to tell his mother that many of the men have larger “parts” than his
dad. His mother replied, “The bigger they are the dumber the person is.”
Satisfied with this answer, the boy returned to the ocean to play.
Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother,
“Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he
talks, the dumber he gets.”
Here’s my contribution for the day:
Dumb and Dumber…
A mother and father took their six-year-old son to a nude beach. As the
Boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs
Bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why. She told her son, “The
bigger they
Are the dumber the person is.”
Pleased with the answer, the boy goes to play in the ocean but returns
to tell his mother that many of the men have larger “parts” than his
dad. His mother replied, “The bigger they are the dumber the person is.”
Satisfied with this answer, the boy returned to the ocean to play.
Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother,
“Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he
talks, the dumber he gets.”
raaaraaaraaa
His mum asks him “Why are you home so early?”
He says “I got sent back home because the boy next to me was smoking”.
His mum says “so why did they send you home?”
He replies – “it was me that set him on fire!”
:laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at:
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Forums › Life › Jokes & Humour › write me a joke