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      Why do they call the place between a womens boobs and hips,wa(i)ste ?

      There could easyli have been a set of boobs more:groucho: :groucho:

      A succesfull lawyer pulls up outside of work in his brand new lexus,as he finishes parking and gets out a truck whizzes by and tears the drivers side door off.
      The lawyer immediatly whips out his mobile and calls the police.When the police arrive the lawyer starts to rant about how his beloved lexus is never going to be the same again no matter how good a job the body shop does.
      I cant believe you lawyers says the policeman youre all So materialistic,how so says the lawyer,well says the policeman your stood here ranting about damage to your car when all along youve not noticed that in the accident youve had your lower arm completely torn off,AAAARRRGGHHH!! says the lawyer,WHERES MY ROLEX:wink:

      THEY GOT ME!!!:sick_toot:sick_toot:sick_toot

      :laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

      A man wakes up with a sore arm and a freind advises him to use the new computer diagnostic machine in the chemists as its cheaper than the doctor.
      all you need is a urine sample says his mate.
      So after peeing in a jar the man finds himself at the chemist.He pours the urine sample into the computer and then types in “sore arm” after a moment of whirring and a few lights flashing the comuter spits out a piece of paper which says “you have tennis elbow,rest your arm and it will be better in two weeks”
      The man is amazed and decides to see if the machine can be fooled,so that night he collects urine from his wife and daughter,dog shit from his dog and just for good measure he masturbates into the concoction.
      Next day he visits the chemist and pours the mixture into the machine,after flashing lights and a whirring noise the computer spits out a bit of paper which says “your wife is pregnant with another mans child-get a lawyer,your daughter is addicted to cocaine-put her in rehab,your dog has worms-take it to the vet,and if you dont stop masturbating your tennis elbow will never get better.

      :laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

      The Reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town.

      One day he was walking down the High Street and he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.

      The reverend wasn’t happy.

      He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.

      “Mrs Fitzgerald,” he said sternly.

      “This is no place for a member of my congregation.

      Why don’t you let me take you home?”

      Sure,” she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

      When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth.

      The reverend realised that she’d had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her.

      When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.

      After rolling around for a few moments, the reverend wound up on top of Mrs Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

      The pub landlord looked over and said, “Oi Mate, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this pub.”

      The reverend looked up at the landlord and said, “But you don’t understand, I’m Pastor Flapps.”

      The landlord nodded and said,

      “Oh well,

      if you’re that far in, you might as well finish.”

      :laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

      globalloon wrote:
      The Reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town.

      One day he was walking down the High Street and he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.

      The reverend wasn’t happy.

      He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.

      “Mrs Fitzgerald,” he said sternly.

      “This is no place for a member of my congregation.

      Why don’t you let me take you home?”

      Sure,” she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

      When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth.

      The reverend realised that she’d had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her.

      When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.

      After rolling around for a few moments, the reverend wound up on top of Mrs Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

      The pub landlord looked over and said, “Oi Mate, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this pub.”

      The reverend looked up at the landlord and said, “But you don’t understand, I’m Pastor Flapps.”

      The landlord nodded and said,

      “Oh well,

      if you’re that far in, you might as well finish.”

      raaa LMAO

      Recently london zoo acquired a female species of gorilla. However within a few weeks the gorilla becomes very difficult to handle and upon examination the vet finds that the gorilla is horny! To make matters worse there are no male gorillas at the zoo. While reflecting the problem, the management notice kevin, a big australian lad responsible for fixing machines. Kevin is approached with a propersition – would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for £250??? Showing intrest, kevin said he will need to think it over. The next day kevin accepts, but on three conditions: 1: I do not have to kiss her
      2: no-one can ever know about this
      and 3: You gotta give me a week to come up with the £250


        Staff

        :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at: Love it :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at:

        What do you call a bra stretched across a room????

        A boobie trap


          Staff

          :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at:

          Please keep them comming today 🙂

          :laugh_at:

          Sound-Guy wrote:
          Recently london zoo acquired a female species of gorilla. However within a few weeks the gorilla becomes very difficult to handle and upon examination the vet finds that the gorilla is horny! To make matters worse there are no male gorillas at the zoo. While reflecting the problem, the management notice kevin, a big australian lad responsible for fixing machines. Kevin is approached with a propersition – would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for £250??? Showing intrest, kevin said he will need to think it over. The next day kevin accepts, but on three conditions: 1: I do not have to kiss her
          2: no-one can ever know about this
          and 3: You gotta give me a week to come up with the £250

          Thats a fine and dandy joke, my mind is too fragile to remember anything funnier than this one..:wink:


            Staff
            Adomski wrote:
            :laugh_at:

            Thats a fine and dandy joke, my mind is too fragile to remember anything funnier than this one..:wink:

            /me lolz at Adomski..just as good as a joke

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          Forums Life Jokes & Humour write me a joke