Party Vibe

How many men does it take to wallpaper a room ?

1…but you have to slice him to really thin:groucho:

An elderly couple was enjoying the evening by swinging on the front porch and looking at the beautiful sunset.
After a few minutes, the old lady reaches over and knocks the hell out of the old man, who goes flying off the porch and into the bushes.
The old man slowly gets up and makes his way back to his seat next to his wife on the swing.
He sits there for a few minutes and then asks, “What was that for Ma?” She replies, “That’s for having a small one!”

A few more minutes go by and the old man reaches over and knocks the hell out of his wife, who also goes flying off the porch and into the bushes.
She slowly gets up and makes her way back to her seat next to Pa. She sits there a few minutes and then asks, “What was that for Pa?”
He replies, “That’s for knowing there was more than one size.”

Ten men and one woman.

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to leave, otherwise they are all going to fall.

They were not able to name that person, until the woman held a very touching speech. She said that she will voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she is used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands…….

SORRY OKAY…On a roll here:you_crazy :you_crazy

The Mystery of Jesus Answered . . .

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone “brother”
2. He liked Gospel
3. He couldn’t get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Fathers business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with his hands. 2. He had wine with every meal. 3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: 1. He never cut his hair. 2. He walked around barefoot all the time. 3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: 1. He never got married. 2. He was always telling stories. 3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all — 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman: 1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was no food. 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it. 3. And even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work to do.

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
“I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?”
“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also do a gramme of charlie a day, a spliff every night, a case of whiskey a week, eat junk food, and never exercise, and do pills on the weekend.”

“That’s amazing,” said the woman, “how old are you?’

“Twenty-six.”

:laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at: